Eight Days a Week
by The Altered Destinies
Summary: The story of a boy, a girl, and the martial artists that were usually zooming by.[
1. Chapter 1

R1/2 - Nigel M. &amp; RpM-acct2/5 RPM  
========================================================================== A Ranma 1/2 fanfic.  
based on characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.  
Story Concept: Nigel M.  
Writer: Nigel M.  
Editor &amp; 'fluff' writer: RPM ==========================================================================

Editor's note.

I have released this before on the mailing list, with positive response (thank youuuu) and since then, the author has decided that there was indeed room for improvement, and hence, here in all its glory *ahem*  
is the tuned-up, polished, and revised version of "Housewarming".

NOTICE: The new title of the whole grand epic (possibly 4 to 10 parts long)  
shall now be called:

= EIGHT DAYS A WEEK=

And, I _think_ this is the =final= draft of this fine tale.  
I hope.

-RPM

Author's note.

All the good parts are mine. Blame the bad ones on RpM. Please, please mail any and all suggestions, complaints, praises, putdowns, etc. Contrary to popular belief, feedback is appreciated.

=EIGHT DAYS A WEEK=

a Ranma 1/2 fanfic (omega version)

PART I: TYPICAL SATURDAY

===================== =YOU NEVER CAN TELL= =====================

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. The sky was awash with sunlight,  
the air had a beautiful scent. The scene was serene. But not for long.

Nabiki walked downstairs, put the object she was holding besides her and sat down at the dining table.

"Kasumi?" She called.

"Breakfast will be a little late today Nabiki," Kasumi's voice replied from the kitchen.

"That's ok, Take your time." Nabiki told her sister. She sat at the dining table... and waited... and waited. "I'm bored," she sighed, cupping her face in her hands. "I wish there was something to do... or profit from."

As if on cue, Ranma walked into the room. He wore a tank top and green boxers. "Yo Nabiki."

"Hello Ranma," she said as she looked him up and down. he was a fine specimen of a man, she noted. She could see why so many women wanted him. I like him too, she thought. Not for the usual reasons, like him being nice, which is why Akane likes him (though she denies it like crazy). Nor was it because he beat her up (I'll never understand that Chinese amazon stuff). Nor was it because most of the time he walked around sopping wet, with his clothes plastered to his body (the whole student body; the girls when he's a guy, the guys when he's a girl). She liked him because he was profitable, very profitable.

"Ranma," she said sweetly, instantly making him drop into a defensive posture.

"What, may I ask, are you doing?" She added, referring to his stance.

"You want something."

Nabiki dropped the sweet act. "Fork over a thousand yen Saotome."

"Why?" he said, thinking furiously: What does she got on me?

"Because there's something you need to know."

"Ahh, there ain't nothin' I need to know that's _that_ important," he said as he turned towards the kitchen. What did she think he was, he thought, a moron or something? a thousand yen, feh!

Suddenly, Happousai bounded in wearing his usual panty-thief garb. He had a big sack, overflowing with underwear tied to his back.

"Ranma m'boy!" He said cheerily, "can't keep control of them bowels, eh?"

"Wh-What?" Ranma stammered.

Happousai looked at Nabiki, who stared back, then looked at Ranma, then looked at Nabiki again.

"You mean he doesn't know?" He asked her. Nabiki smiled and shook her head.

Ranma watched this exchange with a growing sense of dread. "Know? Know what?"

Happousai bounded up to Ranma's eye-level and with an expression full of masterly wisdom, a voice that dripped of ancient secrets better left alone, wisely whispered, "look... down." And bounded away happily.

A slow look of horror crept into Ranma's face as he looked down. A wet stain covered most of his lower regions.

"Never mind, too late." Nabiki said smugly.

"But, I.. how?... AAAAARRGHH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!"

-  
Akane sat in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. Suddenly, her door was flung open. Ranma stood there, a slight smile on his boyish face. He swiftly went up to her and kissed her passionately on the lips.

"Ranma," Akane whispered.

"Akane," he replied. "I love yAAAAARGHH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!"

Akane , shocked awake, stomped angrily towards the door.  
-

Nabiki watched as Ranma screamed, grabbing his hair as he ran upstairs. Nabiki cocked her head, as if waiting for something. From upstairs very loud, angry voices could be heard.

"Ranma! What are you doing out here?! Do you know what time it is?"

"Get out of the way stupid!"

"Who are you calling stupid, you jerk? Get back here!"

Nabiki smiled at the chaos she caused. She leaned on the table, blew on her knuckles and polished them on her shirt nonchalantly. A girl's gotta have her fun too, right?

"Did I hear Ranma scream, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked as she emerged from the kitchen, food in hand.

"Yep," she said smugly, "just a slight 'natural accident'."

"Oh, ok."

-  
Nabiki looked at her watch. 11:00 am. Well, today's events were certainly amusing. the rest of the family had gotten wind of Ranma's 'accident' and had spent all morning constantly harassing him.

"Ahuh-huh-huh-huh-huh (sniff!) (sob!) (snort!) This is so tragic! the heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is a bed wetter! Saotome! Why didn't you tell me...?!"

"Growf!" Sign:[My son! How dare you embarrass your father like this?! Oh, the trage](runs out of space on signboard)

"Shut up Pop! Geez, stop flooding the room Mr. Tendo!"

"Bwah-hahahahaha!"

"It's not my fault! Stop laughing Akane!"

"Oh Ranma, don't feel bad. You'll grow out of it."

"Oh man, I'm outta here!"

Nabiki lay back on her bed. It was true, she mused. It wasn't Ranma's fault.

It was, in fact, hers.

She had woken up early to get pictures of Ranma. Pouring the water on his shorts was the only way she could think of to cover her tracks. Though it did seem like he enjoyed it when she was pouring the hot water on him. Teasing him was just an added bonus, he looked kinda cute when he was mad. Still, she should apologize, she thought, if only because she was profiting off of him. She patted the camera she was holding. Besides, she was still bored, and humiliating Ranma was a great way to kill time. With that thought, Nabiki strode out of her room, in search of Ranma.

Ranma was moping. He sat in the exact center of the dojo clutching his knees.

"It's not fair," he fumed. "I got no idea how it happened, but it ain't my fault! When I find out who pulled this stunt on me... they... they shall rue the day They MET RANMA SAOTOME!" He shouted, venting his frustration.

"Careful there, Saotome. You're starting to sound like Kuno, and that's not a good thing."

Ranma turned, ready to snap at Nabiki. She stood there, arms crossed, leg cocked with a smug smile on her face. Ranma just couldn't do it. Not only was he hit by caution that she might retaliate, but also by the fact that she was looking quite cute. she was wearing denim shorts and a tank top, the sun shining through the dojo sort of accentuating her shape.

"What do _you_ want?" He asked, most of his anger gone. It was replaced by a sort of wary caution, with just a slight hint of wonder. Why didn't he notice this before?

"Play nice Ranma. Actually, I was hoping to spar with you."

Ranma stepped back. "What? You?"

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Who're you and what have you done with Nabiki?" Ranma smirked, regaining his composure.

"Just because I don't prance around wrecking stuff doesn't mean I don't know martial arts. I'm a Tendo, y'know," she said, walking towards him.

"Ok, whatever." Ranma went into a half-hearted defensive stance. He got the surprise of his life when Nabiki ran up to him and flung him across the room.

"Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts Secret Technique!" She shouted as Ranma hit the floor. "Financial Martial Arts!"

"Whu-?" Ranma said as he dazedly got off the floor. "Financial Martial Arts?"

Nabiki shrugged. "Daddy invented it especially for me. How do you think I back up my threats?"

"Blackmail."

"Well, that too." She admitted.

"Ok, you caught me off guard. Let's try that again." Ranma went into a more alert defensive stance. "I ain't getting beat by a girl, especially not her," he mumbled to himself. Ranma wasn't having a good day already, and he wasn't about to let Nabiki humiliate him today. He felt he _had_ to do something to get back at her. He'd had enough for one day, and he really owed Nabiki too. Not just money, but she was due payback from all the times she blackmailed him, humiliated him, took advantage of him, rented him out even.

An idea popped in his head. He never hit girls. He just didn't. But... wouldn't it be fun to just scare her? It'd be easy for a martial artist of his skill. Just charge in, swing his fist ever-so-close, and stop it a centimeter from her face. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Ranma charged at Nabiki, a wild grin on his face. What an idiot, she thought, he's forgetting that she _knew_ he never hits girls. Ranma zoomed in, expecting Nabiki to panic. Just when he was right in front of her, Nabiki's eyes give off a glint as she pulled her hands behind her. Suddenly, she flung her hands out and shouted "Paperwork Attack!" Ranma found himself engulfed in a storm of forms; legal, financial, medical, many in triplicate. Try as he might, he could neither avoid nor swat the oncoming barrage. He stumbled backwards from the force of the attack.

"Ah! You're still up," Nabiki said. "Try this."

With that, she slung her hands towards him, her body alight with battle aura, and yelled "Tendo Anything Goes _FINANCIAL_ Martial Arts Final Attack! RED TAPE ASSAULT!" Ranma, who was still reeling from the storm of forms, was wrapped by strands and strands of bright red tape. Thoroughly mummified, Ranma fell to the ground, which was a virtual nest of paper. She let him squirm there for awhile, paper sticking to him and loud, yet muffled noises emanating from underneath the tape..

Nabiki waited for a minute, then walked up casually and started untangling him from the mess. "You ok?"

"Yeah. Ouch! Careful with the eyebrows!" He said, unwrapping himself. "Pretty good Nabiki," he admitted. "For a girl," he added.

Nabiki gave him a Look, instantly making him wither under its power. Seeing Ranma cringe under her gaze, she softened.

"I knew you wouldn't hit back," she admitted.

"Good moves though."

"Thanks. By the way Ranma, about the incident this morning..."  
By the time Nabiki had finished her story, Ranma was red as the tape.

"Sorry," she said simply.

"Sorry? You gotta tell them..."

"Tell them what? That I'm the reason your shorts were wet, Ranma?" she said with a mischievous grin.

"No! I mean, not like THAT," he said waving his hands frantically.

"Then what?" She asked, clearly enjoying herself.

"Forget it!" He said, throwing his hands in the air. "I'll tell 'em myself."

Nabiki looked on calmly as Ranma started to walk towards the house.

"Ranma," she began. "Nobody will believe you. I mean, why in the world would I, Nabiki Tendo, tell you at all?"

Ranma stopped in midstride.

"AAArgh! You're right!" He shouted exasparatedly. "That's not fair!"

"Life seldom is Ranma," she said as she collected her bag from where she tucked it. A sly smile formed on her face. "Do you _really_ want me to tell them?"

"Huh?" Ranma said stupidly. He didn't expect this sudden generosity. "Sure."

"Ok." She said simply, the sly look not completely vanishing from her features. "I'm off to Kuno's to sell these hot 'Pigtailed Girl' photos. Bye now!"

"Hey Nabiki!" He called.

"Hmm?" She said, turning around, shoe in hand.

"Good fight," he started, "and, um, you look good... clothes, I mean.'

She smiled at him. "Why, thank you Ranma."

As she walked out of the dojo, Akane walked in, obviously dressed to work out.

"Wow," she said as she surveyed the damage. "Had a fight with Kodachi?"

Ranma nudged some tape with his foot. "Nope. Someone much more devious."

"Ranma?" Nabiki called from the gate.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"It's not nice trying to hit on your fiancee's sister," she said, her voice trailing away.

Nabiki walked away, smelling profit in the air. she listened to the birds, the conversations of the people around her, and of course, Ranma and Akane fighting.

"My SISTER?!"

"No! It's not what you think!"

"Oh, really?!"

"It's like this..."

There was silence, then...

"YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! RANMA YOU JERK!"

Nabiki looked up as Ranma was briefly silhouetted against the sun before he came crashing down again.

"Serves you right for calling me 'devious'," she smirked as she walked off. "I prefer the more politically correct term 'morally uninhibited'."

========================= =PUMPKIN &amp; HONEY BUNNY= =========================

The Tendo kitchen is usually a pleasant room. It may have something to do with the fact that Kasumi Tendo spends much of her time there, and her niceness soaks into the place.

Today was different.

It wasn't the first time that the Tendo kitchen had a intimidating aura. But whenever that aura does appear, there's always a sense of dread, felt only by those who are intimately familiar with this particular form of terror. In all of its forms the horrible thing lurked (an amazing action, considering that it had been killed and processed a long time ago), seemingly waiting to charge down some unfortunate victim's throat and wreck havoc with internal organs. Today the horror was festering on the kitchen counter, in a bowl.

There are many things brutal and harsh in this world.

Akane Tendo's cooking was one of them.

Akane had just finished cooking what she hoped would be egg-fu-yung (she admitted to herself that maybe egg-fu-yung shouldn't be so large and lumpy, but she was sure that she had finally created something good, or maybe just edible enough for Ranma to enjoy.) and had briefly stepped out of the kitchen. Her creation was left in a rather large bowl, covered (she did this to preserve freshness, but Ranma often joked that it was to protect the environment).

Soon after Akane left, Shampoo had crept into the kitchen, a mysterious bag of spice in hand, and a devious plan in mind. "Shampoo put passion spice in food for Ranma, then Ranma take Shampoo to date!" she whispered to herself, suppressing a happy giggle.

The day would have gone better if Shampoo had used her own cooking, but today Mouse and Cologne were scrubbing down all the cookware back at the restaurant.

It would have gone better if she had checked whose cooking she was using. She knew Kasumi usually cooked for the Tendo home. She knew that Akane would rarely cook, and badly at that. She didn't have the ability to sense Akane's cooking as did the rest of the Tendo home, because of much exposure to her work in the past, so she didn't sense that the thing in the bowl was not standard Kasumi Tendo material.

It would have been a better day for Shampoo if she wasn't so impatient. She dumped the passion spice into the bowl without checking the contents carefully, yet another habit which the Tendo family had, due to Akane's unpredictable kitchen skills. Come to think of it, Akane's cooking _was_ predictable. It was always, always, bad.

What followed was a unique accident of science and nature.

Shampoo happily picked up the bowl and was about to go look for Ranma when the lid shot into the ceiling. A hideous yellowish-brown lumpy mass rose from it

"Ai-yah!" she screamed, dropping the bowl on the floor and stumbling away.

The oozing mass seemed to look around, and that was very alarming, when you consider that the thing had no eyes and of course, when you consider that it was allegedly food, sensed Shampoo, and flung itself at her. Fortunately, Shampoo regained her senses and kicked it into the sink. It is said that good food has a certain personality and liveliness to it. If only for today, incredibly bad food shared those qualities as well.

The newly created life form rose from the sink, oozing towards Shampoo once again.

"AIEEE!" She yelled, retreating from the room.

The inedible hulk chased after her.

After all, It wanted its mommy.

Akane walked back into the kitchen, eager to try out her cooking on Ranma. If he didn't wanna try it, she'd beat him to a pulp. She froze in horror when she walked back into the scene of kitchen: the bowl dropped on the floor, bits of egg-fu-yung in the sink.

She was on the verge of tears. She put so much time... so much effort into this... and now...

Her battle aura began to flare.

Only one idiot could be the cause of this. Only one. She always tried so hard to make a good meal and that jerk never shows any appreciation!

With that thought, she whipped out her Super Dimensional-Mallet, (had anyone ever examined the mallet closely, they'd see, in _small_ letters, "SDM-1") stormed out of the kitchen, and sounded off her standard battle cry:

"RANMA! YOU JERK!"

"That goes upstairs. First room on the right," Isamu checked off 'projection TV' on his inventory. He couldn't wait until his stuff was finally moved in. He wanted to see Tokyo. As soon as his plane landed he knew he wasn't in New York anymore. It was just so different! There were more Japanese for one thing. His parents didn't object too much to his decision to move here. He was glad that his folks set up a bank account and bought him this house. Although ten rooms seemed a bit much. Oh well, goes to show what a modest house means to the head of a multinational corporation.

"Excuse me sir," called one of the movers.

"Yes?" He said, snapping out of his reveries.

"Where do you want the waterbed?"

"Oh, um...," he said, checking off the last item. "Main bedroom, third room on the left. Upstairs."

Nabiki was calculating how much money she could bleed off Kuno for the photos as she walked. "Let's see, I have 35 photos... tax, developing, inflation plus Kuno's stupidity..." she smiled. "I think I can get enough to have fun for the week. Better open the OW!"

Isamu dropped his clipboard with a clatter, while Nabiki fell down. He picked up his clipboard as she started to dust herself off.

"Be more careful next time, ok miss?" He said gruffly.

"Me be more careful?" She said indiginantly. "You're the idiot who was standing in the middle of the road."

"Who are you calling idiot? _You_ bumped into _Me_!"

"Because you were standing in the middle of the road, you idiot!"

"None calls me an idiot!" He burst out. "For as birds and bees make babies, I am the quintessential why are you laughing?"

Nabiki was chuckling loudly, unnerving Isamu.

"Look, I'm sorry I knocked you down," he said. His irritation disappeared as he noticed how cute she was. "I mean, I probably _was_ standing in the middle of the will you please stop laughing?"

"(hehheh) That's all right, nothing broken," she said, wiping tears out of her eyes. Sorry to bother you."

"That's ok. Just watching the movers haul my stuff in. Let me to introduce myself. I'm Isamu," he said as he held a hand out. "Isamu ...," he stalled, "Hrmnai"

"I'm sorry what was that?" She asked.

"Isamu Hrnmai," he said, once again muttering his last name.

"Did you say 'Hentai?'" She asked.

"Yeah," he smiled sheepishly. "But with two i's," he added quickly.

"Nabiki Tendo," she said shaking his hand. "Don't worry, I won't make fun of you." Note to self, she thought, last name: hentai.

"Thanks," he said letting out a sigh of relief.

"Moving into the Tanaka's old house?" She asked curiously, peering at the several moving trucks parked in front of the house.

"Yeah," he said as the wind ruffled his hair. He ran his fingers through it. "Waitaminute, did you say 'Tendo'?"

"Mm-hmm," Nabiki nodded.

"As in Tendo Dojo?"

"It's my Dad's," she said matter-of-factly.

"Cool," he said with some awe in his voice. "So Nabiki Tendo of the Tendo Dojo, what are we doing this fine morning?" He said, puffing his chest out comically, making her smile again.

"'We'?" She asked, still smiling.

"Why, yes!" He said with a flourish and a wave. "Since I am done supervising my imminent move into my new residence, I shall escort you to your current destination. Then, you can show me all the beauties that Tokyo has to offer!"

Nabiki stared at him for a while, then burst out laughing again. Isamu had hoped for an amused reaction, but he did not expect this.

"Is there something you want to tell me? Anything I need to know?" He asked. "Is it my breath? What?"

Nabiki finally controlled her laughter enough to talk. "If you want to know the joke, I guess you have to come with me."

"Ai-yaa! Help!" a rather hectic purple-haired Chinese girl yelled, scrambling past Nabiki and Isamu. She ran down the street, pursued by something large and gelatinous.

"What was that?" Isamu asked.

"I'm sure I have no idea," Nabiki replied. "C'mon, Follow me."

As they walked away, she was thinking "That yellow lumpy thing ... I think I've seen it before..."

They walked slowly through the streets of Nerima. the sun shone on them mildly, while the wind brought the smell of cherry blossoms.

"C'mon, you gotta tell me what's so funny," Isamu begged. He went through a list in his head. Breath? Check. Fly? Check. Hands? Clammy. Company?  
Very cute.

"You'll find out soon enough," she replied, still chuckling. "Let me ask the questions. Why did you talk like that a few minutes ago?"

"Well, that's the kind of Japanese I first learned to speak." He explained. "'First learned to speak'. That sounded stupid. Anyway, when I finally met some Japanese people other than my parents, I realized how stupid I sounded to everyone else. I normally use it to get laughs, but usually I just get a chuckle, not a full blown laugh riot."

"'Finally met some Japanese other than your parents'?" She asked. "Where are you from?"

"The States," he answered. "New York to be exact. My parents moved from Hiroshima in the seventies."

"So why'd you decide to come back?"

"I wanted to watch more animes."

Nabiki stopped in her tracks. "What?" She said as she turned to look at him curiously.

"I got tired of watching bad dubs and paying big bucks to see anime months old, so I moved here." He said with an absolute straight face. She stared at his face for a moment, then they both smiled widely.

"No, really," she said, moving on.

"Truthfully?" he said as he too started walking. I guess I got tired of the racism, the crime, the infomercials.."

"Infomercials?" She asked.

"Long story," he sighed. "Besides," he added grinning mischievously, "I've always had a thing for girls in uniform."

She smiled at him, then stopped walking. "Well, here we are."

Isamu looked around as they were ushered into the den by the little ninja who introduced himself as Sasuke. "Impressive," he thought to himself. But what's with all the kendo equipment lying around and the rooms turned greenhouses? He asked Nabiki.

"Tatewaki Kuno is the captain of the kendo club at my school," she explained. the greenhouses are his sister's, Kodachi."

"Like sands in the hourglass, these are the days of our lives," Kuno intoned as he dramatically stepped into the lounge, producing a slightly perplexed look on Isamu's face. "Anyway, to what do I, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, owe this dubious honor, Nabiki Tendo?"

"Hello Kuno-chan," Nabiki said, giving Isamu a brief 'Does-he-sound-  
familiar?' look then turning back to Kuno. "I've got more photos for you."

"Photos?!" He said, running over to Nabiki. "Hand them over."

Nabiki pulled the pics out of her bag and spread them on the table. Kuno immediately started shuffling through them.

"Whoa... behold ... radiant beauty ... pig-tailed girl... uninhibited... how... she is...," he stammered.

As Nabiki and Kuno haggled over the price, Isamu picked up one of the pics. In it, Ranma was in one of her sexier poses. Wow, he thought, picking through the others. She really knows her stuff. Nice hoo-

"Is it a deal then?" Nabiki finally said, snatching said pictures out of Isamu's somewhat sweaty hands and tossing them into the pile in front of Kuno.

"You bleed me out of house and home, Nabiki Tendo." Kuno said, staring at her.

"Moi?" Nabiki said, giving him an innocent look. Isamu smiled inwardly, he knew a ruthless negotiator when he saw one. He sat back and enjoyed the show.

"I accept!" Kuno finally acceeded after some useless haggling, putting an absurd amount of yen in her hand. "I would give the heavens themselves for images of my true love."

"Speaking of true love," she said as she reached into her bag. "I just _happen_ to have some pictures of Akane handy. How does..."

========================== =Jack Rabbit Slims Twist Contest== =YOU NEVER CAN TELL====== ==========================

After Nabiki bled even more money out of Kuno, they stopped at Ucchan's for lunch. "This is Ucchan's," she said as they walked in. "Best okonomiyaki in the world."

"Well, maybe not in the world," Ukyo beamed as she walked towards the pair. "Just in Japan. So Nabiki, who's your friend?"

"Ukyo Kounji, Isamu Hentaii." Nabiki introduced.

"That's with two i's," he said quickly, noting Ukyo's awkward expression,  
"my name, I mean... H-e-n-t-a-i-i... you get the idea..."

"Isamu Hentaii, Ukyo Kounji. She owns Ucchan's." Nabiki continued.

"Hi!" Ukyo greeted, "new here?"

"Yup, just moved in."

"Welcome to the neighborhood! Ready to order?"

They ordered okonomiyaki ,what else?, and settled down at a window seat.

"So what was that all about?" Isamu asked, digging into his okonomiyaki.

"What was what all about?"

"Back there, with that Kuno guy."

Nabiki took a deep breath, then started explaining who the people in the photos were and their relationship to Kuno. When she finished, he looked only less confused.

"Let me get this straight," he started. "So he's chasing this 'Pigtailed Goddess',right?" He said as he scratched his head.

"Yup," she replied, chewing another okonomiyaki piece.

"But he's also chasing your sister Akane?"

"Yup."

"And they constantly beat him up?"

"Yup."

"Persistent, isn't he?" He commented. "I'd like to meet your sister and this Pigtailed Girl, Ranma. Not to be rude, but what's so special about them?"

Nabiki smiled. "Oh, you'll find out soon enough."

"Oh-kay," he said, somewhat at a loss. "But why does he talk like that? Does his whole family...?"

"Nope," Nabiki replied. "His dad is our psychotic principal, he talks with this weird hawaiian accent. His sister kind of talks like that but with less flourish and more emphasis on the obsessive neurotic side."

"Riiight," he said, trying to imagine japanese with a hawaiian accent. "Oh yeah, why do you call him Kuno-chan?"

"Nabiki Tendo! I have matters of grave importance to discuss with you!"

Kuno was standing at the doorway of the restaurant looking very agitated.

"What's wrong, Kuno-chan?" Nabiki said, sipping her tea.

"Do not 'Kuno-chan' me, Nabiki Tendo. It besmirches your honor to cheat the Blue Thunder so."

"What?" She said confused.

"Do not feign innocence Nabiki Tendo, for it further besmirches your besmirchment!" He shouted emphatically, waving photos in the air. "We agreed on 35 photos of the Pigtailed One! I require an additional photograph! You have given me but only 34 photographs of my beloved Goddess!"

"Excuse me?" Isamu interjected. "What is that?" He pointed at a picture stuck to Kuno's forehead.

"Hark!" Kuno harked. "My keen vision has located the missing photograph!" Kuno plucked the photo and slipped it in his pocket. Nabiki held her head in her hand, shaking it slowly from side to side. Murmurs of "moron!" and "Why is it stuck on his forehead?" filtered across the room.

"What an idiot," Isamu observed quietly to Nabiki.

"What was that I heard!?" Kuno burst out. "Who dares insult Tatewaki Kuno so?" He said as he pointed his bokken.

"Kuno..." Nabiki interjected, trying to head off a confrontation.

"Hey! Watch where you point that thing!" Isamu said as he stood up.

"Isamu.." Nabiki tried again.

"The great and mighty Tatewaki Kuno shall point his thing wherever he may wish it to point!" Kuno boasted, much to Isamu's absolute discomfort. "Now answer my question! What is your name, insolent wretch?"

"Kuno.." Nabiki tried yet again. Getting the same result.

"It's Isamu," he said testily. "Now put your toy away."

"Isamu...," Nabiki tried, and failed, again.  
"What!" Kuno shouted. "Not only do you dare to slander the Blue Thunder, but his trusty and renowned bokken as well?! Your rudeness only serves to emphasize your callouseness, your boorishness, and your curness!"

"My 'curness'?" Isamu said confusedly. Then realizing that he was insulted, boasted, "Isamu Hentaii does not slander! He only speaks truth!"

The patronage at Ucchan's, used to confrontations occuring in the general area, sat back and enjoyed the war of words. They particularly enjoyed listening to Kuno babble.

"You dare call Tatewaki Kuno names when your own name is 'Hentai'?" Kuno replied.

"I give up," Nabiki said, washing her hands of the whole affair and digging into her okonomiyaki again.

"That's Hentaii! With TWO i's!" Isamu shouted, his temper rising. "A rose by any other name! Furthermore, mine perversion be in name only." This last sentence he said with emphasis, giving Kuno a meaningful look.

"Art thou accusing the Blue Thunder of perversive quintessence?" Kuno said with fury, flecks of spittle flying.

"What dost thou doeth with all yon pictures, hmmmmm?" Isamu countered. Everyone in the shop leaned in closer.

Kuno finally lost it with that last remark. "Vile scoundrel!" He shouted as he raised his bokken, "PREPARETODIE!"

"Take it outside Kuno!" Ukyo shouted from behind the counter.

"Very well," he said, as he strutted towards the door. "Meet me outside, _then_ prepare to die!"

The customers were disapointed. They were hoping to watch the whole affair from the comfort of their seats, but it looked like it wasn't meant to be. Kuno was usually very amusing to listen to, especially when he got mad. Now there were TWO people babbling Kuno-speak. It was Kuno in stereo, with surround sound too. And they hadn't watched anybody get a proper thrashing since that pig-tailed girl stomped Kuno through the floor last week...

Nabiki tapped Isamu's arm as he started to follow Kuno. "First of all, what's with the formal japanese?"

"I slip back when I get agitated," he confessed.  
"Second, you're gonna get hurt. He _is_ captain of the kendo club. That counts for something, y'know."

"Maybe." He mused. Then, after a moments thought he said "Ah, you're right, he ain't worth-"

"Truly a coward you must be," Kuno shouted. "Hoping to extend your life mere moments longer by hiding within that..."

"Watch it, Kuno!" Ukyo shouted.

"... fine eating establishment," he finished. "Come out and fight...hentai."

"Zounds! What vile creature incurs my wrath? _No one_ calls me hentai!" Isamu strode purposely out the door.

"But your name _is_ hentai," Nabiki called.

"Yeah, but with two i's." he called back.

Nabiki sighed. Isamu _was_ fun to hang around with. Hopefully, Kuno wouldn't cripple him severely. Nabiki looked around, everyone was still looking at her. "Any bets?"

The sun beat down upon the two combatants. A crowd gathered around them, the patrons at Ucchan's swarmed to the windows to watch. Nabiki took bets.

"Ah, so the slandering pervert possesses backbone after all," Kuno said mockingly. "Have you made peace with your gods?"

"Tis you what needs make peace," Isamu countered. "You two timin' rat."

"Three to one for Kuno! Place your bets! Place your bets!" Nabiki called out.

"Hey!" Isamu protested, turning away from Kuno. "I thought you didn't want me fighting this guy!"

Nabiki shrugged. "Isamu-chan," she said, not noticing his slight double take to his new name. "If you're going to do something stupid, I might as well make some yen out of it."

"Yeah, but three to one?" He complained. "I thought we were friends."

"Exactly," she said. "I'm treating you like I treat all my friends.'

People in the audience who were very familiar with Nabiki Tendo voiced their agreements, such as,"yeah, she's right", "does this sorta thing all the time", "3 to 1 is generous", and "she put the odds at 10 to 1 against me when I was fighting last week."

"Oh." Isamu was surprised. Gosh, she really was being friendly, in her own bizzare way.

"Foul defiler of the Kuno honor!" Kuno shouted, "Turn and face-"

"Cease thy incessant babbling!" Isamu interrupted, spinning to face Kuno.

"The legendary Tatewaki Kuno _soliloquizes_," Kuno retorted. "He does _not_ babble!"

"Does too!" Isamu countered.

"Does not!" Kuno snapped, charging his opponent.

"Too!" Isamu said, sidestepping and just barely avoiding getting skewered.

Kuno skidded to a halt and swung his bokken viciously in Isamu's direction, shouting "NOT!" Isamu's shirt was ripped open, to the delight of the females in the crowd. Isamu, slightly staggered, grabbed the pole Ukyo uses to hang up her sign and, using it like a bo staff, began to attack Kuno.

"Too, too, TOO!" Isamu said, swinging the makeshift bo in precise arcs. Kuno blocked all of his shots, but it took a considerable amount of effort. Isamu swung again, the blow missing Kuno completely. Kuno took advantage and began to rapidly thrust at his opponent with his bokken.

"NotnotnotnotnotnotnotnotNotNOT!" Kuno shouted, relentlessly driving his bokken at Isamu. Isamu on his part, was desperately blocking Kuno's attacks with his staff. Unfortunately, he _severely_ underestimated the speed of Kuno's strikes. Suddenly, he was besieged by a hailstorm of powerful slashes. Isamu managed to compensate for Kuno's speed, but not before his whole upper body was covered in a multitude of cuts and bruises. Bleeding and battered, Isamu was forced to play defense, as Kuno set upon him once again.

"OhnonononononohelphelphelpAIY-YAA!"

Shampoo was blazing across town, running along walls and across rooftops. Following her was the energetic egg-foo-yung. To her great alarm, the thing seemed to be pulsating. If she had looked constantly, she'd have seen this: The egg-foo-yung-thing zooming down the street, shrinking... shrinking... shrinking, then suddenly gaining an alarming amount of mass when it glomped onto a roadside food stand. In its pursuit of Shampoo, the thing had consumed a plethora of fruits and vegetables, dozens of roast ducks, and a whole roast pig.

But it didn't really start moving fast until it glomped the liquor stand.

It's a good thing Shampoo didn't see any of this, or else she'd be beyond being scared and into full-scale hysteria. She was already panicking because there was a crowd in the street, blocking her way. What were they standing around for?

"GET OUT OF SHAMPOO'S WAY!"

From inside her shop, Ukyo Kuonji saw something strange. Through the storefront windows she could see Kuno fighting with Isamu, large crowd watching all to one side.

Well, the crowd _was_ to one side. She blinked for a moment, and they were gone. Kuno and Isamu seemed uninterrupted, but ...

She blinked again. While the combatants were swinging wildly, people were falling from the _sky_, all around them, landing with yells of "ugh" and "ouch" and "what the hell was that thing!?". Kuno and Isamu didn't seem to notice.

Ukyo stuck her head out the storefront door.

All around the two adversaries there were strewn bodies, scattered debris, and various overturned fruit and vegetable carts. In additon to the mess on the ground, miscellaneous foodstuffs were in the air and falling fast

Down the street, she saw through a cloud of dust what she thought was a wild untamed okonomiyaki in pursuit of Shampoo.

Kuno's last strike was so powerful that it snapped the staff in two. Kuno lunged in, intent on ending the fight. Isamu used the two halves to block Kuno's attack. To Kuno's absolute surprise, Isamu surged back, attacking with a flurry of crossover hits, overheads and body checks. Kuno managed to get a few more hits in as they exchanged blows, but Isamu pressed the attack, surging forward with the strength of desperation. He attacked with a flurry of blows, ending it with a spin kick,-double stick head strike, headbutt combination that knocked Kuno on his legendary derrier. His combo garnered scattered applause from the audience, though they all seem to have been recently knocked off their own feet.

Isamu, on his knees from the effort of his sudden comeback, stood shakily and wheezed, "Do... TOO."

Nabiki got on her feet groggily, absolutely clueless as to what happened. All she remembered was watching with concern as Kuno made mincemeat out of Isamu, and then she was knocked off her feet and watching Isamu take the upper hand. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that Isamu was a martial artist, and a competent one at that. Though not as talented as Ranma and some of the others, he looked like he could hold his own. "Anyone else want to bet?" She called out to the crowd, who were busily dusting themselves off while at the same time trying to avoid falling foodstuff and watching the fight. The introspection could wait, she thought, but yen, like time, waits for no woman.

"You... have maltreated... the great... Tate... Tatewaki Kuno...greatly," Kuno gasped. "And... I... do... NOT!"

The two faced each other, weapons at the ready. Although in pain from the last exchange Kuno was clearly in much better shape than his opponent. They circled each other warily, aware of each others capabilities. Then, as if hearing a bell signifying the start of the next round, They raced towards each other. Time seemed to slow down as they rapidly ate up the distance between them. Mere moments before they collided, Kuno suddenly veered off to the side, making Isamu miss his swing. Isamu skidded to a halt as he watched Kuno attack something he could not see.

"DADADADADADADADA!" Kuno shouted, slashing at the unseen thing with incredible speed.

The identity of the objects was not as important as the fact that a) Kuno was not attacking him and b) He had his back turned away from Isamu. Isamu quickly ran up to Kuno and slammed both sticks on the base of his skull, instantly knocking Kuno out. Isamu stared at the remnants of the objects Kuno was assaulting. "W-Watermelons?" Isamu said, baffled, as he collapsed onto the pavement.

====================================== =IF LOVE WAS A RED DRESS(hang me in rags)== ======================================

"So, you've met Tatewaki Kuno, eh?" Dr. Tofu asked, as he applied alcohol to Isamu's wounds.

"Well, *ouch* yeah. I guess you could say we really hit it off," joked Isamu. ""*ouch*" Hey, Nabiki, what was with that back there?"

"With what?" She asked quizically. "Back where?"

"Y'know... Kuno, the watermelons, all that stuff."

"Oh. Side-effect of some weird training he did a while back. Long story. Bottom line is that he'll attack any watermelon on sight. Lucky for you, eh?"

"Bah, that insolent cur!" He burst out. "I, Isamu Hentaii, could defeat that fool any day! Let him strike me 100 times! Nay! 200 times! It matters not to Isamu Hentaiiuh... er... I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Nabiki vainly tried to surpress a laugh while the doctor looked at him with a worried expression.

"Isamu," Dr. Tofu said, concern in his voice, "maybe you've been struck in the head too often. You're starting to-"

"Don't worry, Dr. Tofu, he always gets like this when he's upset," Nabiki explained.

"Well, Mr. um..." Dr. Tofu started.

"Just call me Isamu"

"Well, Isamu," the doctor said as he escorted them out. "Just try to avoid any fights anytime soon. Okay? You've got a couple of cuts and bruises, but nothing too serious."

"Thanks, Doc." He said ,as he and Nabiki waved their goodbyes and proceeded to walk off. "Well, Nabiki, it's been an interesting day so far, I hope you show me more. I'm not too keen on coming home to an empty house."

"Hmm? What do you mean?" she asked.

"Didn't I tell you?" He replied. "I'm living alone."

"Alone?" Nabiki repeated. "In that house?"

"Well, yeah," he said. "My parents bought it for me."

Nabiki thought about the implications of his statement.

"Well, so far I've had the best Okonomiyaki in Japan and got into a fight with a girl crazy, watermelon smashing kendo captain." he said, ticking the items off his fingers. "Not bad for my first day here, eh?" He continued. "Anyway, where shall we go next? Maybe I'll fight some evil little troll under a bridge or something."

"You have your choice of withered pervert troll and withered Chinese amazon troll." She replied.

Noticing his rather perplexed look, she added, "I'll explain later. C'mon, lemme introduce you to the rest of my family."

"Oh, indeed! So, does this mean I get to meet the 'robust' Akane Tendo? ...  
Just kidding! Just kidding!"

Meanwhile, at the Kuno residence...

"Ah, truly a vicious headache this is that pains the Blue Thunder!" Kuno soliloquized, pacing rapidly. "Tis as if mine own head throbs with its intensity! This is the fault of that wretch who calls himself Isamu Hentaii! Curseyoupervert!" He spat, wincing as his sudden outburst brought on another spasm of legendary proportions.

"This agony I am subject to today shall be repayed to that despicable scoundrel a hundred, no, a _thousand_-fold! Sweet victory was within mine own formidable grasp when that vile cur somehow summoned an enchanted watermelon to distract me!" He turned dramatically towards one of the many towering windows, "Gods!" he exclaimed. "Is it not punishment enough, having to deal with that nefarious practitioner of the Black Arts, Ranma Saotome? Wither the justice? Now must the great Tatewaki Kuno take on the burden of bringing low TWO evil sorcerers!"

He turned and paced aimlessly across the room. "Bah! Send in two sorcerers or two hundred! It matters not to the rising star of Furinkan Hieeyeowch!*" Kuno yelled, momentarily overwhelmed with pain, abruptly cutting off his dramatic monologue. He was bandaged in several places and had an ice pack on his head.. He had pressed the ice pack too hard while ranting, raving, and gesturing wildly.

"Ohohohohoho! It must be a serious injury indeed if it interferes with your attenuated tirades, Brother dear." Kodachi remarked, amused. She was amused any time anybody was injured, except for herself.

"Silence, sibling." Kuno moaned. "Sasuke!"

The mini-ninja appeared from nowhere and bowed before his master. "Yes Master Kuno?"

"Find the whereabouts of the one named Isamu Hentaii! I shall have my revenge!" Kuno yelled, thunder and lightining punctuating his proclamation.

"One of these days, my brother," Kodachi said, glancing outside at the sunny weather, "You _must_ show me how you do that."

"Do what?"

Outside Tomobiki high, a figure lurks in the bushes.

"No sign of Lum anywhere," the figure snickered. "Now I'm freeeEEEEEEEYAAAHHRGH!" He screamed as thunder and lightning punctuated Kuno's proclamation.

They walked slowly, in no real hurry. It was as if time existed for everyone else, but not for them. They took some detours on the way home. Nabiki showed Isamu all the little shops around the area. Isamu was fascinated by some of the quaint shops and insisted on buying Nabiki a trinket or two in every shop they went to.

Nabiki smiled. He was sweet, she thought, as they walked down the street. She caressed the cute 'chibi nuku' doll he bought her in the doll shop. He was handsome, she admitted. Even in the slightly torn shirt he was wearing, she could see that the salesladies where envious of her company. After they had stopped at a nearby men's store to pick up a new shirt for him, they proceeded to head towards home. By this time, Nabiki was holding a shopping bag full of trinkets, while he held eight. Everything from dolls, to clothes, to CDs to mangas, it seemed like he knew what she liked and automatically bought it for her.

"Let's go into this one," he said, stopping in front of a mysterious building.

Nabiki looked at him for a moment. "Ha ha, very funny. Let's go," she replied, tugging on his sleeve.

"No, really." He persisted, not moving.

"Why didn't you tell me that was a 'leather-&amp;-lace'?"

Isamu walked down the streets of Nerima, headed for home. Nabiki walked slightly in front, while Isamu lagged behind, weighed down by the many shopping bags he was carrying.

"Hey, I asked you if you _really_ wanted to go inside," she responded. "How was I suppose to know you can't read kanji?

"I resent that!" He grumbled. "I can too read kanji... just not very well."

"Well?" She asked, smirking. "Did you enjoy yourself in there?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," he muttered, turning red.

They stopped at the gates of the Tendo Dojo. It was quiet, too quiet...

"IT WASN'T ME AKANE! I SWEAR! AAAAAHHH!"

They walked in, Nabiki leading the way. They were both bowled over by the sonic boom left in Ranma's wake as Akane chased him around the compound. Ranma actually seemed like he was going to escape injury this time. Although Akane was only a few steps behind, Ranma thought he was a safe distance ahead of Akane, so he couldn't resist but turn his head back and taunt her. "So what if your cooking was trashed? The world's a better place now!"

Unfortunately, Ranma didn't know about the new features on Akane's SDM-1 mallet. She swung back, the handle suddenly extended four feet longer, and the mallet slammed down on his skull. "Oww..." Ranma groaned. "Kawaiikune-fu."  
Somehow he felt relieved. Usually, these chases by Akane end at this point. That relief washed away quickly when he heard a strange whirring noise eminating from the mallet. At this point one of the other features of the SDM-1 mallet kicked in: The built-in L.U.M. electro-shocker switched on with a whir and Ranma was pumped with thousands upon thousands of megajoules of electricity. "RANMA YOU JERK!" She shouted. Then, Akane switched off the mallet and proceeded to bludgeon Ranma with her bare hands.

"JERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERK...!" She shouted as she continued to stomp Ranma to the ground.

"So that's Akane, huh?" Isamu asked uncertainly.

"Yup," Nabiki replied.

"But who's the guy she's beating up on?"

"That's Ranma," Nabiki explained. "Her fiance."

"...JERKJERKJERKJERKJERK! He is NOT my fiance!" Akane snapped. Then continued her abuse. "JERKJERKJERKJERKJERKJERK...!"

"Ranma?" Isamu said, scratching his head. "Hey, what a coincidence! Same name as the pigtailed girl in the the photos!"

Akane stopped in midstomp. Both her and Ranma, who had lifted his somewhat damaged cranium from crater, were staring at Isamu. Beads of sweat formed on their foreheads. Nabiki smiled.

"Well,.. um.. er, w-what a.." Ranma stuttered.

"You see.. um, er... that is..." Akane tried.

"Where are my manners?" Nabiki interrupted, smiling. "Ranma Saotome, Akane, meet Isamu. He'll be moving into the old Tanaka house."

Isamu helped Ranma to his feet, then shook his hand. "Hey, did you know there's this really hot girl with the same name?"

"Err...yeah," Ranma replied rather uncomfortably. Nabiki and Akane looked at each other and smirked.

Isamu turned and shook Akane's hand. "Hello," she said.

"Hi," he responded. "Nice to finally meet you."

"'Finally'?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah," he replied. "I've heard a lot about you. From Kuno."

"None of it is true," Ranma said, getting a quizzical look from the others. "She ain't delicate, or graceful, or exquisite, or even cuuUURGKH!"

Akane had planted Ranma into the ground. Again.

"Please don't mind him," she said pleasantly. "he's just a stupid pervert, that's all."

"the Tanaka's?" Ranama said, unearthing himself again. "Big place. You got lots of brothers and sisters or something?'

"Actually," Isamu said. "I'll be living there alone."

"Alone? Cool." Ranma said. "Are you rich or something?"

"Or something," Isamu replied, smiling.

"Was Nabiki helping you shop for stuff for your house?" Akane asked, noting the many shopping bags he was carrying.

"No. These are mostly Nabiki's," he smiled.

"Nabiki's?" They both wondered aloud.

"Isamu-chan. Put those away over here, then I can introduce you to the rest of the family," Nabiki said walking into the house.

"Isamu...chan?" Ranma and Akane wondered again as Isamu followed Nabiki into the house.

"How are you? I am Kasumi Tendo," she said. "It's very nice to see a new face here."

"Isamu Hentaii," he said, bowing. "With two i's."

"Is the master here?" Soun and Genma said in unison, popping their heads into the living room. "We heard someone say 'hentai'," Genma added.

"Daddy, Uncle Saotome," Nabiki said. "Our new neighbor, Isamu Hentaii."

"Two i's, just my name, sirs." isamu added, in a hurry.

"Oh, ok." Genma said.

"As long as there's two i's," Soun nodded.

"Why don't we all sit down and have tea?" Kasumi said, reentering the room, tray in hand.

They all sat down, even Ranma and Akane, who had come in just in time.

Isamu, who owned the book 'Put Your Best Foot Forward in Asia', knew the importance of giving small gifts to his he bought them all something when Nabiki's back was turned. He handed Soun and Genma a fine bottle of wine each. The Tendo sisters and Ranma received their gifts, wrapped in light, pastel colors, graciously.

"This is just a small token of my esteem," he said modestly.

He also knew the significance of being invited to a japanese home.

[author's note: {From PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD IN ASIA: ' The Japanese rarely entertain at home. Consider it a great honor if you are invited to a Japanese home.'}]

"Yo Isamu," Ranma called. "What's it like living alone?"

"I really don't know yet," Isamu replied, sipping his tea. "Tonight would be the first time."

"Are you going to school, son?" Soun asked next.

"Yes. I'll be a senior at... at," he muttered, searching his pockets. He produced a piece of paper. "Fu-rin-kan?"

"Yeah, Furinkan." Ranma said. "Me, Nabiki and Akane go there too."

"Where did you move from?" Akane asked.

"Hey, stop grilling the guest," Nabiki complained, to the surprise of everyone. Nabiki? Not wanting to pry?

Isamu smiled at her. "That's ok," he replied. "New York."

"why _are_ you living alone?" Akane asked.

"Well, mostly because I wanted to see Japan. My parents need to be in New York because our business is based there."

"Isamu, if you didn't have anything planned," Kasumi said. "You could join us for dinner."

"Oh no! I wouldn't want to impose." He said quickly.

"No, no," Nabiki said. "It won't be any kind of trouble at all."

"That's right!" Akane said enthusiastically. "I'll even cook up a special dish for you."

Everyone in the room stopped. Flashbacks of what Akane's cooking had done to them previously zoomed through their heads. Kasumi sipped her tea. Isamu looked confused.

"Oh, thank you very much." Isamu bowed. "I'm sure it will be delightful."

Nabiki looked concerned. Ranma had a look of pity in his eyes. after a few more moments, the group dispersed. Genma and Soun went out to play shogi. Kasumi cleaned up and went to the kitchen. Leaving Ranma, Akane, Nabiki and Isamu.

"Yo Isamu," Ranma said. "Nasty bruise on your arm. What happened?"

Isamu told him his experience, from Kuno's house until after the fight.

"So you beat Kuno, huh?" Akane said, turning the tv on. "You must be pretty good at martial arts."

"Just enough to get by," Isamu said modestly.

"Martial arts? Really?" Ranma said. "What kind?"

"Filipino Martial Arts," Isamu responded. "Arnis."

Ranma nodded. "You'll fit right in around here."

They spent some time just talking. Ranma talked about training, sparring and engagements. Isamu talked about David Letterman, Friends and american tv in general.

"So this, Seinfeld, it's a show about nothing?" Akane said, puzzled.

"Yup."

"This is a weekly show?" Nabiki asked.

"Uh-huh."

"And people watch this? Week after week?" Akane asked.

"I dunno," Ranma said, scratching his head. "I think I'd like this show."

"You would," Akane teased.

"You know what I like best about Japan?" Isamu quipped.

"What?" Nabiki asked.

"Unlike New York, nothing ever happens he-"

"AIYAAHH! RANMA HELP SHAMPOOOOO!" She screamed, as she crashed through the living room and out the other side.

"What the-?" Ranma said, looking around, as he got up. Was that Shampoo? he thought, All he saw was a purple blur. He decided it couldn't be. Nothing could make her run away, except maybe Happosai.

Isamu was helping Nabiki and Akane up. Unfortunately, Akane mistook him for Ranma and immediately uppercutted him across the room.

"Get your hands off me, you PERVERT!" She shouted.

"It's just my naaaaaaamURGKH!" Isamu cried, crashing headfirst into the wall.

"Oh, Isamu!" Akane exclaimed, finally realizing who she had hit. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok, " he said trying to pull his head out. "But could someone give me a hand?"

"Did anyone see what happened?" Ranma asked.

Before anyone could answer, another wall came down and knocked everyone off their feet again. This time they all saw what had emerged. The man-sized glob resembled something that Dr. Frankenstein would have created if he didn't use human body parts and used japanese cuisine instead.

"AAHH!" Ranma screamed. "What the hell is that?"

The monstrosity moved towards them. Where is mommy? These _things_ on two drumsticks must have taken her! They all scrambled back. It seemed to change its mind it, shuffled indecisively, as if a dog losing a scent. Then it lurched speedily in their general direction.

"Get out of its way!" Isamu shouted, shoving Akane roughly, while Ranma grabbed Nabiki and jumped away. Soun and Genma scampered into the room, saw the monstrosity, and tried to beat a hasty retreat. Unfortunately, the Kunos chose this moment to jump into the room. The door blew in and knocked them on their butts. Kodachi saw the okonomi-yucky charging towards Ranma and immediately threw her impressive array of weapons at it. Kuno saw the monster attacking Ranma and joined in, charging Ranma head-on.

"Saotome!" Kuno shouted. "My eyes reveal that one of your vile experiments have finally gone awry! Still, it's cause is noble, therefore the great Tatewaki Kuno shall join it in expunging the earth of your evil sorceriness!"

"Ohohohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed. "Ranma darling! I shall save you!"

Kodachi's weapons were very effective. Her clubs bounced off the monster's hide and hit Kuno in the head. Her ribbon missed and tangled Kuno's ankles, knocking him over. The razor hoop went right through the creature, missed Kuno's head by inches and cut his bokken.

"Where is my Shampoo!?" Mousse shouted bursting in. "ShampoooooowhatisTHAT?"

Ranma was busy fending off both the creature and Kuno's crippled attacks. "Forget about what it is!" He shouted. "Just help us!"

Mousse thought about it.

Then thought about it some more.

"Oh, alright." He sighed. Mousse put his hands in his voluminous sleeves and threw a dazzling array of objects in chains. The weapons stuck to the monster, but it started sucking the chains in. Unfortunately, Mousse was on the other end of the chains and was pulled screaming into the monster's mass. Meanwhile, Nabiki crawled over to where Isamu and Akane were. Both were also attacking the monster by throwing the furniture at it.

"How do you like Japan so far?" Nabiki asked as she watched him throw a lamp at it.

"Great," he said, tossing another lamp at it. "If you like fighting monsters before dinner."

Meanwhile, Soun and Genma were busily watching the mayhem from a safe distance. They watched as the monster shook for a second, then regurgitated a very slimy Mousse

"What do you think, Saotome?" Soun said, nodding in the direction of the rumble, sitting in the center of an ever-widening puddle of tears.

"I think your going to have to go and buy new furniture, Tendo." Genma replied, floating paper boats in the makeshift pond.

"Hello? Is anybody home? Ranchan? AAhhh!" Ukyo jumped back in surprise to see the gang fighting a giant amalgam of food. "Wild okonomiyaki!" She pointed.

"Ucchan!" Ranma said pleasantly. "A little help, please?"

"Saotome! I see you have allied yourself with the other sorcerer, Hentaii." Kuno said, crawling. "No matter! I shall defeat you boOUWAUGH!"

Ryoga landed on Kuno's back as he crashed through the roof. "Ranma! Today is the day you taste defeat at my hands!"

"Nabiki?" Isamu asked, putting down the vase he was about throw.

"Mm-hmm?" She replied, busily calculating the damage being caused by the fight.

"Who are these people?"

"Do you want profiles or.."

"Just names will do for now," he said, resuming to throw various Tendo household furniture at the monster.

"ok," Nabiki replied, cracking her knuckles. "The one in glasses wearing slime is Mousse, you already know Ukyo and Kuno, the guy who landed on Kuno is Ryoga, that one who threw gymnastic stuff is Kodachi Kuno, the purple blur that knocked us over was Shampoo, I think, and I don't know the monster's name."

"Yo, Ryoga!" Ranma called. "Look out ! Behind you!"

"Hmph!" Ryoga said. "What kind of idiot do you think I am? Like I'd fall for a stupid trick like that!"

Ryoga was hit by a flailing tentacle and was sent sprawling into the wall. The okonomonster was tired. It used up too much of its energy beating up on these flesh things. It needed to replenish itself. It sensed its mommy near but felt too tired to go to her now. Maybe tomorrow.

the monstrosity oozed away, leaving the Tendo home in utter disarray. Shampoo entered the room uncertainly. Fighting humans was one thing, fighting living food was a whole other story. "It gone?" She asked.

Everybody started babbling all at once. Everybody had a theory. Most blamed Ranma.

"Ranma darling, are you alright?" Kodachi asked, sidling up to Ranma.

"Ranchan, why were you fighting an okonomiyaki?" Ukyo asked.

"Okonomiyaki?" Isamu joined in. "Looked more like it was made out of fruit, and it smelled like booze."

"By the way, what about my sign?" Ukyo demanded, turning on Isamu.

"Sorry. Don't worry, I'll replace it."

"Ranma!" Ryoga shouted. "This is all your fault!"

"Look what you did to the house!" Akane pointed at Ranma accusingly. "Ranma, this is your fault!"

"Hey! My fault?" Ranma objected while trying to pry Kodachi off him. "How come it's my fault?"

"Oh, Ranma!" Shampoo exclaimed as she glomped onto his other arm. "Shampoo was so scared!"

"Saotome, you fiend!" Kuno said, shaking with righteous indignation. "Not only do you set upon us that vile monstrosity, but you enchant this simple chinese girl as well! What foul hell spawned thee?"

"Who are you calling a simple chinese girl?" Mousse shouted. "That's my wife you're talking about!"

"Towel?" Kasumi offered.

"Thanks." Mousse said, wiping himself. "Ranma, you will pay for this!

"Shampoo no Mousse's wife! Shampoo Ranma's bride!"

"Me pay for what?! Kuno's the one who called Shampoo simple! Could you both please let go of my arms? Kodachi? Shampoo? Hello?"

"This is no time to flirt, Ranma! You're always such a JERK!"

"Who's flirting?"

"Saotome!" Shouted Kuno, advancing on Ranma.

"Ranma!" Shouted Ukyo, Ryoga, Mousse and Akane, also advancing on him.

"No! Get away! It's not my fault!" Ranma said, frantically trying to back away while still trying to pull himself away from Kodachi and Shampoo

Isamu was sitting in a corner with Nabiki, munching on some cookies that Kasumi had brought in.

"You think we should help him out?" He asked, watching the whole thing unfold.

"Nah, he's used to this kind of thing. You still coming over for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure."

At the same instant Ranma was about to be swarmed, the already damaged roof gained another skylight. Happousai sailed into the room, spraying everybody with his newly purchased Supersoaker 500000000.

"Ranma! Akane! Ukyo! Shampoo! Happy wants to play too!" He shouted as he soaked everybody with a continous stream of water.

Isamu was looking at the angry mob when the water hit. Where he expected an angry mob however, he saw the pigtailed girl, who was running around with a cat on her back. All the while dragging a soggy Kodachi, who was shouting something like "You wicked girl! Where's my Ranma darling?". There was a pig munching on her shoulder with a familiar looking bandanna tied around its neck, while a duck with coke-bottle glasses chased them around and Kuno shouted "Pigtailed-Girl! My Love!" Akane was chasing the girl with a mean looking mallet shouting, "Ranma, you JERK!" Ukyo stalked over to where they were sitting and started munching at a soggy cookie.

"What the-? Who are-? Where did-? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Isamu demanded, turning to Nabiki and Ukyo.

"C'mon, we'll walk you home," Nabiki said, grabbing an arm as Ukyo grabbed the other.

"We'll explain on the way," Ukyo said.

"Dinner is at seven," Nabiki added.

================ =JUNGLE BOOGIE= ================

Nabiki peaked into the kitchen. As promised, Akane was torturing the kitchen with an assorted array of utensils whose purpose she knew very little about. She attacked cooking with the zeal of a hun on speed. Nabiki looked at her watch, she had ten minutes. Ten minutes to stop a catastrophe from happening to the first guy in years whom she found interesting. She sneaked up to her room and unearthed a book. It was marked 'SPECIAL EMERGENCY'. She flipped through the pages quickly; then, dialed a number.

"So! The one known as Hentaii is a cohort of Saotome, eh?" Kuno raved as he sliced practice dummies to shreds. "It stands to reason; since the fool Saotome cannot alone defeat Tatewaki Kuno, the martial artist formerly known as Shooting Star! Sasuke! Tylenol!"

Ranma took off her shirt and squeezed it from soaking wet, to slightly damp. She took the hot water from the stove and poured it over her as she, now he, thought about recent events. Happousai had tried to grab her, but she managed to swing the arm with Kodachi attached to it. So instead of Ranma's chest, Happy had grabbed Kodachi's posterior. Kodachi immediately produced a razor hoop and cut off Happousai's hands. Happousai looked with horror at the bloody stumps at the end of his arms. Kodachi then proceeded to club him with her spiked club, beating him into a bloody pulp.

Yeah, right, Ranma sighed. He wished that's what happened. Actually, all Kodachi had managed to do was boot him back up through the roof. Ranma didn't remember much after this because apparently, Kasumi and his dad told him about this part, he went into cat-fu mode. They said he, she, threw Kodachi and Shampoo off, tore through Kuno, plucked Mu-mu bald and was about to bite P-chan's stupid head off before Akane hit him with the mallet. "She should've let me chew his head off," he mumbled. "Would've served him right."

-  
A world away, in Keystone USA, a phone rang. A redheaded man picked it up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Moshi moshi, West san."

The man recognized the voice instantly, a cold sweat formed on his brow.

"What do you want?" He asked, switching to perfect japanese.

"It's time to pay the piper, West-san. Do you remember where I live?"

"Yes."

"Then come quickly. I expect you here in two minutes." *klik*

Wally West put the phone down. He put on his uniform on his way to Nerima, Japan.

Nabiki put down the receiver, there was nothing else to do but wait. One instant she was alone, the next instant there was a man in a scarlet costume in front of her.

"What took you so long?" She asked.

The man in red said nothing.

"Ok, here's the deal," she started. "You do this, and your off the hook."

"You won't tell Linda?"

"No. It stays between us."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to get water from the spring of life."

Akane busily cooked. The kitchen was awash with aroma. She was following the cookbook that her mother had kept; although, since she didn't have some of the ingredients, she was substituting some materials.

"This will be the best meal I've cooked yet!" she thought, smiling. She liked Isamu; he was nice and sweet and kind. Not at all like that jerk Ranma. She could see that Isamu harbored feelings for Nabiki. But how did Nabiki feel for him? All Akane knew was that Nabiki was doing some un-Nabiki things lately. As she was thinking all of this, she added what she thought was the right amount of spices; in fact, not only did she add the wrong amount of spices, they weren't even the right ones.  
===== =6:52= ===== Isamu locked his front door and started walking towards the Tendo home. It was so nice of Akane to volunteer to cook for him; although he didn't understand the looks everyone else had when she mentioned it. Maybe it was another one of those japanese things he didn't understand yet. He reminded himself to ask her what Ranma did earlier that prompted her to chase him with a mallet. Speaking of Ranma, that was a weird crew that hung around him. With most of them being great martial artists and/or cursed, he didn't know wether to feel envy or pity. The wind picked up, a red blur seemed to pass his line of vision. Isamu looked around, but he didn't see anything. He continued to walk towards the dojo, whistling.

-  
My name is Wally West. I'm the Flash, the fastest man alive. I may also be the fastest waterboy at the moment. I'm in a 'magic' forest, looking for the 'Spring of Life' so I can get some 'magic' water. Why? A certain Nabiki Tendo. She knows something that I don't want my girlfriend, Linda, to know. In return for her silence, I agreed to be at her beck and call, as she puts it, "when the time comes".

-  
Nabiki fidgeted in her room. It was all in West's ballcourt now. No use in worrying about stuff she couldn't do anything about. Better to focus on more immediate things.

"The red dress or the green?"

-  
"Kasumi dear, please reconsider."

Soun Tendo worriedly peaked into the kitchen, where his youngest daughter was cooking their dinner.

"No, Father. I won't ask Akane if she needs any help," Kasumi replied, sitting calmly in the living room. "She needs to do this herself, to build confidence."

"Kasumi, if not for us, then for the boy's sake." Genma pleaded.

"Yes! That's right!" Soun agreed emphatically. "It is our sacred duty as good hosts to insure that our guest does not get sick!"

"Or worse," Genma added gravely.

-  
On the street, walking towards the Tendo home, Isamu sneezed. "What is that saying," he sniffed, "about people talking about you?"

====== =6:55== ====== Stupid forest. Wasted five minutes. It's no use being the fastest man alive if you're looking for something as vague as 'The Spring of Life'. Magic? I don't think so. Why she would waste the services of the fastest man alive on a wild goose chase of an errand is beyond me. Maybe I should just get some water from some pond or...

She's got a weird way of testing it though. "Here's a satchel of food," she said when she handed me the bag. "When you think you've found the Spring, sprinkle the food with some water then taste it. In fact, I want you to taste it right now." God! that was the most disGUSting crud I've ever had the misfortune of eating. What did she think the water was gonna do to it anyway, make it taste better? "You have ten minutes," she said. "Or the deal's off." Feh! As if I'd need _ten_ minutes!

Whoa! Did I see that right? A giant iguana? Being chased by a giant owl? What's going on here? Hmm, set off some traps back there. Oh well, going too fast to get caught anyway.

Aha! Maybe _that's_ the Spring.

Blech! Maybe not.

-  
"Where the hell am I now?"

Ryoga was walking in a forest holding a map. If he looked more carefully, he would have noticed that it was of Euro-Disney. After that fiasco at the Tendo's, he went off to get his gear and get his revenge on Ranma. How dare he! Hitting him in the back with... with... a slimy tentacle.

"Ok, if I head straight this way, I'll get to.. to.. Chez Mickey?" He scratched his head. "Funny way to describe a house." A strong gust of wind tore the map from his hands. he didn't notice the red blur that caused it, nor the traps it had sprung . "Get back here you stupid map!" Ryoga's chase was cut short as a dozen traps sprung on him and buried him under a ton of rocks.

-  
Nabiki walked towards him sexily. Shrugging off a shoulder of her nightie, then the other. She slowly pulled her nightie off... *KLONG!*

Everything was silent. Then..

"OWWWW!" Isamu groaned holding his head. I've gotta stop daydreaming, he thought, and contined walking.

-  
"Done!" Akane said proudly. She had prepared recipes' #40 to 48; although they didn't turn out the colors they were supposed to, she was sure that it would taste just fine.

Meanwhile, in the living room...

"Remember the time Kurumi and Natsume were here? _They_ thought her cooking was delicious."

"But Kasumi," Soun said worriedly. "I think that's more because of their hardened stomachs than Akane's cooking."

"You're worrying over nothing father. Nothing at all."

"Is he here yet?" Nabiki asked, coming downstairs, green dress flowing gracefully.

"You look beautiful, Nabiki!" Soun said proudly. "Are you and Isamu going to... you know." He nudged his daughter.

"Daddy!" Nabiki fumed. Kasumi gasped.

"Just kidding!"

-  
Yuck! This isn't it. Strike twenty one.

-  
Kyoko walked towards him sexily. She shrugged off the shoulder of her nightie. She smiled beguilingly as she s-l-o-w-l-y pulled down the translucent-

*KLONG!*

"OWWWW!"

Godai looked around, snapped out of his daydreaming by the noise. He saw a well dressed Isamu rub his head, then continued walking, er, staggering, off into the distance.

"Huh, I guess I'm not the only one who does that." He looked down at the piece of paper he was holding, the teriyaki cooling on his bike. "Where the hell is the Kuno Residence?"

-  
"How _do_ you feel about this guy?" Ranma said, coming into the room with his dad following behind him.

"I feel..." Nabiki began. Everyone leaned in eagerly. "That it's none of your business."

Akane popped her head out of the kitchen. "Is he here yet? Can someone set the table for me? I have to get ready myself."

"I'll do it Akane," Kasumi said as she stood up.

"Hey Pop," Ranma poked his dad. "Do you have the number?"

"Yes, my son." Genma nodded, producing a piece of paper.

"Number for what?" Nabiki asked.

"The hospital," Ranma said matter-of-factly. "We _are_ going to eat Akane's cooking."

"JERK!" Akane shouted, flinging a plate discus style. Ranma dodged easily.

"Losing your touch tombYOWCH!" Ranma 's taunt was cut abruptly as the plate whirled back and hit Ranma behind the head, driving him into Akane's waiting fist. The room was filled with applause as the Tendo's and Genma cheered Akane's attack.

"What style, what grace!" Soun sobbed. "Did you see that, Saotome?"

"Indeed Tendo! Akane's truly becoming a great martial artist."

"Akane! That was so clever. So clever," Kasumi clapped.

"I give it a ten for style points," added Nabiki.

===== =6:59= =====

Isamu finally got to the Tendo gate. He arranged his shirt, checked his breath, then knocked. He used the time it took them to get to the gate to check his fly. Inside, Kasumi was directing Ranma on arranging the table. Meanwhile, Akane had just come down from her room, wearing a nice, casual dress. The Tendo sisters were wearing the gifts that Isamu had given them earlier. Kasumi and Akane admired the craftsmanship of their bracelets. Nabiki looked at the necklace she had on in the mirror. Ranma brushed some dust off his new chinese shirt. Nabiki went to open the door while Genma and Soun tried to make the living room as presentable as possible; a considerable task considering the melee that broke out in it earlier in the day.

-  
Nope. Nope. Ugh. Yuck. I think my tongue is numb. Eww.

-  
Mousse arranged the wig as best he could. It would have to do until he can cook up some herbal hairgrower.

"Ranma!" He seethed. "For this, you shall pay!"

-  
Where the hell is he? Nabiki fretted. Isamu's here already! If West didn't come pretty soon... Wait, I think Isamu's talking to me.

"Huh?" Nabiki said distractedly.

"I said," Isamu repeated. "You look lovely tonight."

"Thanks," she smiled. They were now all sitting in the living room while Akane and Kasumi made last minute arrangements to the table.

"Hey, Nabiki," Ranma whispered. "You don't like this guy, do you?"

"Why would you say that?" She asked. Isamu was talking to the Dads about something or the other.

"You're letting him eat Akane's food."

"Normally, I'd have to agree. But I'm sure Akane's dinner will be delicious." She said with an enthusiasm she didn't feel.

-  
Ugh. Yuck. PTUI!

This is hopeless! Eep! A minute left!

Nopenopeyuckewwgrossnopeblechptuinopenope...

-  
"Dinner's ready!" Akane called.

As everybody filed towards the kitchen, Nabiki was worrying while making light conversation with Isamu. Where is he? she thought as Isamu was saying something about basketball. Getting into a fight with Kuno is one thing, Akane's cooking is very much the other. She didn't think he'd survive it.

"Basketball's ok, I guess," Ranma admitted. "I just don't play it that much."

"You play hoops?" Isamu asked.

"Yeah, at the youth center."

"Up for a game tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Akane came in, followed by Kasumi carrying trays of food. Whereas her mother wrote it was suppose to be "light, fluffy, and of a golden brown color", Akane's was as light and fluffy as the Dojo Yaburi and as far away to golden brown as vinegar could get you. Even Kasumi, who had internalized all the recipes contained within the book, could not recognize any of the dishes. Isamu's mouth watered.

"Wow! That looks great!" He said sincerely. Everyone else stared at him incredulously.

"He's dead," Ranma mumbled, receiving a jab in the rib from Nabiki.

Akane for her part was quite pleased with the compliment. Isamu looked genuinely hungry for her food. Once all the dishes were brought out, everyone started putting food on their respective plates apprehensively. Except for Isamu, who was piling it on. This looks great! He thought. Akane's cooking reminded him of gumbo. He loved gumbo.

"Well," Akane said cheerily. "Dig in!"

======= =7:03= ======

NopeyuckughblechIdon'tbelieveI'mlateyuckechAHA! Found it!

-  
Isamu was lifting the spoon to his mouth.

-  
Gotta dump it in their dinner, thought the Flash as he ran on. This water _is_ magic! That gunk in the bag tasted delicious! Tokyo!

-  
Ranma was poised to run to the phone, Genma readied the number.

-  
The Flash streaked into Tokyo in a blur of red. I hope she doesn't mind me being a few minutes late. Where is her blasted house?

-  
Nabiki looked resigned to spend the evening watching paramedics pump Isamu's stomach. Akane looked at him eagerly. The spoon continued it's inexorable journey.

-  
I'm lost! No, wait, there!

-  
The spoon entered his mouth. Nabiki gasped.

-  
The Flash ran into the room, carrying the flask of magic water. He saw cousins of the 'food' he test tasted on the dining table. So that's why she wanted me to get this water, he thought as he poured a little into every dish, plate and even in the spoon in Isamu's mouth. He ran straight back to Keystone, as per instructions not to be seen. He was suppose to tell her when he put the water in, but since she said he wasn't supposed to be seen, she'd just have to call him up. He shivered at the thought.

-  
"DELICIOUS!" Isamu exclaimed, digging into his meal.

Everyone else looked puzzled. Nabiki tasted her food. It was great! There was no need to worry afterall. West must've put the water in and forgot to tell her. I'll deal with him later, she thought.

The evening went smoothly afterwards.  
-

Isamu and Nabiki stood outside of the gateway to the Tendo house.

"So," Isamu said, "what was the big fuss with Akane's cooking? The gumbo tasted great to me!"

"It wasn't gumbo." answered Nabiki.

"It wasn't?"

Suddenly, Shampoo whizzed by them running into the house, chased by the monstrous Foodenstein screaming "Ranma help!"

Before they could turn around Mousse whizzed by, chasing a cop, yelling "I'll save you Shampoo!" Ryoga ran straight towards the dojo, then ran straight into the neighboring house shouting "THIS TIME YOU SHALL PAY SAOTOME!" A large crowd ran down a street, in front was a small figure with a big sack yelling "What a haul!"

Massive destruction ensued.

Nabiki sighed. Isamu looked shocked.

"Remind me..." he said, "to not invite those people to any parties at my house."

Nabiki smiled. "G'night Isamu," she said. She kissed him on the cheek and went back to the house to estimate the damages for the insurance company.

Isamu walked off into the night, smiling. "Nice girl," he muttered. "Too bad she's surrounded by lunatics."

A loud explosion erupted .

"What a neighborhood," he said, as he smiled and shook his head.

"Wait, I think that came from _MY_ house!"

========================================================================== =========NEXT: SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY(or shooting hoops)================== ==========================================================================

Thanks goes out to: RpM for the use of his account, his computer, his paper, his tapes, his cd's, um, I think that's it.

All Characters (except for Mr. Hentaii) are the property of their owners.

So there.

-  
Unfocused Ramblings- please ignore -  
Although this is not coming out the way I expected it (I thought I could wrap this up in about a month. Boy was I wrong!), I'm enjoying writing this immensely. The original plan had Nabiki as a focal point, but I find that it's really oscillating between her and her new friend. That's ok, it'll work out. Why did I do this, you might ask? Well, there's an axiom which goes something like 'the path least tread' or 'off the beaten path' or something like that. I thought, "Well, ok. I wanna write a fic. who should I do?" Ranma, Ryoga, Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyo, Kuno, they're all the beaten path. The fact is that they've been done much better than I could have by a hell of a lot of writers from all angles imaginable. Nabiki on the other hand, is uncharted (maybe mildly explored) territory. Besides, it's my first fic (hopefully not the last). If I fuck this up, it'll be because it just sucked, not because John Biles did so-and-so better or somebody wrote something like this much better.

Addendum =)  
==========

Nabiki Tendo Age: 17 Occupation: You have to pay to find out.

What you hold in your hand (read on your screen, whatever) right now came from an almost fanatical, and certainly unhealthy, obsession with Nabiki. That and I hated how most fanfics portrayed her as a shallow, manipulative bitch with no love interests. Or those that portray her as overly emotional under that icy cool sufrace. Hopefully, by the time I'm done, I would have shown you a deep, manipulative _person_ with a love interest _and_ who's emotions (which she does possess) don't run away with her.

Isamu Hentaii Age: 18 Occupation: obscenely rich(shhhhh!)

The idea for an underpowered new character came from a desire to be different. His name came to me after watching Macross Plus (shameless plug). Essentially, taking the extra 'i' out of his family name, it translates to 'brave pervert' (I think). Note that I _hated_ the idea of adding the extra 'i' in his name, but my editor (no, editor is too strong a word, guy-that-bugs-you-a-lot-while -your-trying-to-write) finally sold me on the idea.

ungrateful bastard, ain't he ;)  
-the "editor"

I checked in a dictionary, hentaii doesn't mean anything, so I went with it. At first, he was going to be Dr. Tofu's nephew or something, but then I would have had to fill in the Tofu family tree, and I have no bloody idea how. I thought about giving him something unique, like having animals strangely attracted to him, or giving him a really bad accent. But I decided that moderation is the way to go so I gave him a mild Kunoesque quality and let it go at that. Besides, the character is essentially me. And the one thing I am not is overpowering... and handsome. Ok, the _two_ things I am not are overpowering and handsome... and rich. Hmm.. among the several things that I am not are overpowering, handsome and rich. HA!

-  
Anyway, I wanted to include the original plot, word for word, from which I scripted this part of the story :

PLOT Weekend Nabiki plays a prank on Ranma (Ranma loves Nabiki?). We are 1st introduced to Isamu. He moves in near the Tendos. Nabiki meets him going to Kuno's. He is swooned over by lots of women on the way. At Kuno's, he beats up on Kuno. Stops at local cafe. Nabiki brings him home (insert wackiness). Explore Nabiki's feelings.

Obviously, a lot of ideas sprung to mind in the many months it took me to flesh it out. And some parts were changed and/or deleted, but that's why I like working with a bare bones type of plot. It gives me a general direction while giving me room to expand on ideas.

The Flash is one of my favorite comic books, thanks to the writing of Mark Waid. I thought it would be cool to include him. In the original idea, Ranma was suppose to be the one who ran frantically around the place looking for the water, but that would have taken too long.

Cameos! The most wonderful part of fanfics! The Flash probably would have been pretty low on the list of characters you thought you'd see here, huh? Well, y'know, me too. Again, UY, A-ko, SF, Guyver, etc. crossovers have been done by other people, with much better success. So if I do use some characters, I'll try to use them in unexpected, and hopefully interesting ways.

I noticed that I barely had any water/curse jokes/situations. That's because I thought that it's been done far better before by other fanfic writers and I honestly don't think I can write those kind of jokes anyway.

Cameos that I'm considering are:  
Nuku Nuku The Simpsons Pinky &amp; the Brain The X-Files Li Jun Fan (Bruce Lee)  
Project A-ko characters Street Fighter II Maris the Chojo

I've gotten some mail asking about the Okonomiyaki monster. At the present time his team of lawyers are discussing whether to have a press release or not and his PR firm isn't returning my calls.

we want the merchandising rights to the "Okonomiyaki Monster" dolls,  
toys, cooking kits, pajamas, etc. or at least 40% of the profits.  
Else we go on strike.

-the editor, and agent.  
-

In case you missed it, Ataru Moroboshi of Uresei Yatsura fame was here, so was Yusaku Godai of Maison Ikkoku.

The whole story is already plotted out and I'm working on the next part right now. As of right now, Part II is about 92% complete.

"FASTER! FASTER! *WHIP* THE READERSHIP IS GETTING IMPATIENT!"  
\- the mighty editor -

It's just gonna take me a while.

\- end part 1 


	2. Chapter 2

R1/2 - Nigel M. &amp; RpM-acct2/5 RPM

*COMMERCIAL*  
Living room in the afternoon, big couch, large screen television, many cans of soda and junk food strewn about.  
RpM: I wanna watch anime!  
Nigel: I wanna watch basketball!  
Together: Hey, LET'S WATCH BOTH!  
they hit the top of the television with MegaVolt cola (tm)

= IT'S PART II OF "EIGHT DAYS A WEEK" =

========================================================== Ranma 1/2: EIGHT DAYS A WEEK story concept: Nigel M.  
written by: Nigel M.  
fluff written(barely) by: RpM edited (unsatisfactorily) by: RpM ==========================================================

Oh great Megazone! You who free the newsgroup from utter crap and spammage. You who doles out various amusing fanfiction in moderate amounts! Thy management of the newsgroup is legendary indeed! And thus we do give it up for THE HARDEST WORKIN' MAN IN R.A.A.S. *WOOF*WOOF*WOOF* %)

in other words, sorry about the mess with those revisions...

\- the writers down at "M productions"

Author's Note:

*WHIP*Please! *WHIP* No more! I finished it see! (sob)(sob)! WHAT DO YOU MEAN GET STARTED ON PART THREE!? *WHIP* OWW! *WHIP* KNOCK IT OFF!

Seriously though...  
"*This means they're talking in another language. Like english or something. Otherwise, they're speaking in Japanese.*"

-  
I'd just like everybody to know that I've just bought "How to Make Out in Japanese".  
-the editor

p.s. I seem to have misplaced my Editor's whip...

author's p.s.

Sorry about this folks, I was reading through this part and I noticed a few glaring errors. If you didn't mind, ignore this. The story didn't change. Anyway, here's the CORRECTED version of 'EIGHT DAYS A WEEK'.

p.p.s.

Didn't I tell you he was a lousy editor? -

*grumble*grumble*sosueme...

-the editor /8^(

*COMMERCIAL*  
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! M PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:

PART II: SUNDAY BEST

================================ ========SHOOTING HOOPS========= ================================ "Whoa! What happened here?"

Ranma, Akane and Nabiki stood in front of Isamu's house. Construction people were hustling and bustling at the side of the house, busily repairing what looked like a hole created by setting off say, a grenade. The three shrugged it off and walked up to the door.

"Yo, Isamu," Ranma knocked. "You in there?"

The door opened to reveal a rather bleary-eyed Isamu. "*Whu-? Oh, hi guys. Come on in. I'll be drssed in a sec.*"

They all stared at him.

"*What?*"

"You're talking English, man." Ranma said, taking off his shoes and walking in behind Isamu, followed by Akane and Nabiki. "I mean, we understand it and everything..."

"Oh! Sorry," he smiled weakly. "Jet lag, first day here."

Isamu sat them down in the living room and walked into the kitchen. Nabiki and the others were impressed by his living space. When the Tanakas had lived in the place, it felt like an average home. Apparently, if you put one person in a house designed for about eleven people it made a dramatic difference. The house felt big, even grand. Isamu had nice, soft leather furniture and had his home enternainment center all set up already.

"Nice place you got here," Nabiki called.

"Yeah? Thanks!" He called back from the kitchen. "Breakfast anyone?"

"It's eleven o'clock, man." Ranma replied, switching on the tv. He noticed the unusual amount of utterly useless channels. "Satellite. Cool!" he muttered quietly to himself.

"Not for me," Isamu said, walking in from the kitchen with a sandwich and a can of Coke in hand. "It's seven o'clock p.m. as far as I'm concerned." He said, looking at his watch.

"So why were you asleep?" Akane asked, as Ranma channel surfed.

"I dunno. Maybe because I ate so much?"

Akane smiled. Her cooking had never satisfied anybody to sleep before. To a coma, yes, but to actual blissful sleep? This was the first time.

"Ooh, stop here!" Isamu said excitedly. Ranma stopped flipping channels.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way (clapclapclapclap)

"What's this?" Nabiki asked.

Your life's a joke you're broke your lovelife's DOA

"Friends. Great tv show."

Seems like you're always stuck in second gear

"Wow, they're cute!"

If it hasn't been your day, your week,  
your month, or even your year

Everyone looked at Akane.

I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to fall)  
I'll be there for you ('cause I've been there before)

"What? I can't say I think some guys are cute?" She asked testily. Isamu smiled and sat besides Nabiki.

I'll be there for you 'cause you there for me tooooo

-  
The youth center was fairly abuzz with activity. It was an off-day afterall, so many kids were playing or just hanging around. Isamu walked in wearing a red Houston Rocket #25 jersey, followed by Ranma, Akane and Nabiki. A fair number of the people in the center knew Ranma and company so they were greeted warmly from every direction. Isamu proved to be quite popular with the girls, many of them urging Ranma and the sisters to introduce them. Ranma was slightly miffed with the attention Isamu was getting, he was usually on the receiving end of such adoration. When a basketball court was finally available, Ranma and Isamu headed for it. They were followed by an impromptu entourage of female fans. To Nabiki's ire, they seemed to be all Isamu's.

Isamu pulled out the ball from the bag he was carrying. "We seem to have gathered an audience," he observed.

"Then let's give 'em a show," Ranma replied. "I should warn you, I ain't ever lost a basketball game in my life."

"Funny," Isamu said as he dribbled the ball. "Neither have I. Winner gets outs?"

"Huh?"

"Make the shot, you get the ball back."

"Oh, I knew that. Ok, your ball, let's go."

Isamu dribbled at the perimeter, walking slowly towards the paint. Ranma was waiting for him at the free throw line. Suddenly, Isamu broke into a run. He faked left, Ranma covered him, then spun right, catching Ranma flatfooted. Isamu drove down the lane, jumped, spun and dunked. The crowd applauded.

"Truly I am great, that even my striding garners applause."

Everyone turned to the back of the room. Kuno stood there, posing, then proceeded to trip on someones foot. Akane groaned and shook her head.

"They weren't clapping for you Kuno-chan," Nabiki said smugly.

"But what else is there to applaud?"

Nabiki pointed at the two players. They had ignored Kuno and resumed playing.

"That game? Childsplay!" With that, he proceeded to march towards the players. As Ranma took a shot, Kuno jumped up and hit the ball with his bokken, making Ranma miss.

"Hey! Whatcha do that for?"

"You evil sorcerers are no match for the great Tatewaki Kuno!"

"You want to play?" Isamu asked. "Why didn't you say so? But you need a partner."

"The Blue Thunder has no need of partners!"

"Well you can't play both of us," Ranma retorted.

"Ranma, you animal!" Ryoga raged, as he jumped down from the rafters, barely missing Ranma.

"Hey! Watch it!"

"Ranma, DIE!" Mousse shouted, as he hammered Isamu to the floor.

"Didn't we do this yesterday?" Isamu said dazedly. Mousse hefted him up and shook him angrily.

"Ranma, for the suffering you have caused..."

"Look, pal. I'M NOT RANMA!" Isamu yelled in his face.

Ranma looked at Mousse. Something didn't look right. Glasses? No. New dress? No. Aha! "Nice wig, Mousse!" He shouted out loud.

Mousse froze. "Grrr.." He threw Isamu aside and fumbled for his glasses. "Ranma! So there you are, coward!" With that, he unsheathed ten naginatas from his sleeves and charged.

Ryoga grabbed Ranma while the latter was talking to Mousse and reared back, ready to give the mother of all punches.

"Ranma...DIE!"

"Akane, my love!" Kuno crooned as he approached the Tendo sisters. "I- Unhand him!" he shouted, noticing Ranma's plight.

"He shall be defeated by _my_ hand!" He shouted as he charged towards them.

Nabiki looked as her sister made her mallet disappear. Akane turned to her and winked.

"You got lucky today, Kuno-chan." Nabiki grinned to herself.

Nabiki watched Isamu fumble in his bag as Ranma got closer to getting his anatomy rearranged in various painful and interesting ways. What was Isamu doing? He threw a... a.. a pill? He threw a pill at them.

The pill exploded. Smoke engulfed Ranma and his attackers and quickly dissipated.

-  
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS

Case #_221025_ transferred to: X-files division.  
Federal Agent(s): Fox Mulder, Dana Scully

X-FILES CASE #342345- From the reports of Federal Agent Dana Scully

Within the last ten years, 12 American tourists have been reported missing by their families numerous times. The tourists always seem to reappear, but with very vague answers when questioned by their families. The similarities in these cases are hard to explain. Although booking tours with different companies, all visited Beijing, the Great Wall, the Imperial Palace, and a place called Jusenkyo. Upon their return all the subjects exhibited behavior not characteristic to them. They became irritable and very depressed. All subject acquired pets immediately after arrival. These varied from simple cats and dogs to an exotic panda, a snake and a turtle. The animals were all procured without the knowledge of their respective families. Furthermore, financial investigations show no money withdrawn to pay for these pets. Agent Mulder uncovered a fanciful text which points to Jusenkyo as the source of our mystery. Apparently, Jusenkyo is touted as the Land of Accursed Springs, boasting that its thousand plus springs each contain a magical curse. I would have dismissed this as my partner grasping for straws until he pointed out what the springs are allegedly able to do. The springs supposedly turn people into the species that had drowned there (i.e. if a dog drowned in one spring then the next person that falls in that spring turns into a canine, etc.). Agent Mulder is certain that all the tourist were in fact, 'cursed' and that the animals that they bought are actually their 'cursed' forms.

I am very doubtful of the substance of this claim. The most logical conclusions would suggest the activities of an animal smuggling syndicate, although if this is the case, they are going about this in an extremely inefficient manner. Nevertheless, it is the closest lead our investigation has. Our flight to China will not be for another six hours. In the meantime, agent Mulder and I will try to unearth more information about Jusenkyo.

-  
Ryoga's fist was frozen inches from Ranma's paralyzed face, while Mousse had stiffened up and toppled over from the weight of his weapons. Kuno was frozen with a stupid look on his face.

Isamu looked at his handiwork as the two Tendo sisters approached him.

"Where did you get a paralyzing pill?" Nabiki asked him as Akane walked over and knocked on Ranma's head a few times.

"The girl with the gymnastic stuff er, Kolachi? She dropped it. I recognized it because, well, it's a long story."

"Quit it akane!" Ranma mumbled through frozen lips. "I'm not a door, y'know!"

"That's KoDAchi. Well, at least you stopped them from beating up on Ranma."

"Nihao!"

Shampoo walked in, looking slightly haggard, but cheery nonetheless.

"Why Ranma not moving?"

"I used a paralysis pill on them."

"They were about to pound Ranma to the ground." Nabiki added helpfully.

"They'll snap out of it in a few minutes." He assured her.

Shampoo nodded and walked off towards the concession stand, shivered, then headed towards the ladies room instead. When she walked out a few minutes later, Isamu was explaining the situation to the newly arrived Ukyo and Kodachi.

"...and I'm sorry I had to use your pill." Isamu finished.

"That's quite alright," Kodachi replied. "Ranma darling's quite used to it by now."

"You know," Isamu said, glancing at Ranma, who was glaring at Ryoga, Kuno and Mousse. Who were all glaring back at him. "We have enough people for a game of five-on-five basketball."

"How do you figure that?" Ranma asked, breaking his glaring contest.

"Well there's you, me, Ryoga, Mousse, Tatewaki, Shampoo, Kodachi, Ukyo, Nabiki, and Akane." He said, pointing to each one in turn. "That is, if no one has any objections?"

"Sorry," Nabiki apologized. "I don't do basketball."

No one else objected. Akane thought it would be fun. The other fiancees thought about being close to Ranma. Kuno, Mousse and Ryoga thought about stomping Ranma into the ground, within the context of the game, of course. Everyone just smiled and nodded.

"Ok," Isamu continued. "We need one more player. Do you see anybody?"

Everyone looked around. There was a bunch of people milling around the other basketball courts. Ranma approached a group several courts down from them. The center, a lanky 7-footer, shaked left, baked right, then swished a fade-away shot.

"*Nice shot, Dream!*" His teammate complemented.

"*Good team effort!*" He grinned back. He looked at #27 who tried to guard him. He was shaking his head and smiling. "*Don't feel bad, Charles.*"

"Excuse me? Excuse me! Number thirty-four!" Ranma waved his hands.

"*Hey, Dream!*" #10, a weird looking wiry guy called. "*I think homey's talking to you.*"

The man called Dream walked over to Ranma.

"*Can I help you?*"

"*I.. um, wondering if you* what's the word? *play for us.*" Ranma stuttered in broken English, pointing to his group.

"*Sorry, I'm practicing with my team.*" Dream shook his head. "We've got to defend our championship you know."

"*You champions? Really?*"

"*Yes. For the last two years.*"

"*Cool. Thanks anyway,*" Ranma said as Dream walked away. "*Nice uniforms by the way.*"

"*Really? Thanks! It's new.*"

"Well?" Akane asked impatiently as Ranma walked towards them.

*klik*

Ranma shook his head. "They had their own game going."

*klik*

"We can't play with nine people." Isamu grumbled.

*klik*

"What is clicking?" Shampoo asked.

Everyone looked around. After a moment, Ranma walked over to the stands and pulled out Gosunkugi by the scruff of his neck.

"Hey, Gos," Ranma said conversationally. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Err, um, nothing! Nothing at all, Saotome!" Gosunkugi said, stuffing something into his jacket.

"So your doin' nothin' with this camera, huh?" He said, yanking it out of Gosunkugi's jacket.

"Who's this?" Isamu asked, walking over.

"Hikaru Gosunkugi," Ranma introduced. "Local spooky guy. Big crush on the tomboy," he pointed, immediately earning him a wallop from Akane.

"No," Isamu disagreed, putting an arm around the bewildered Gosunkugi. "He's Hikaru Gosunkugi, our last player."

"Huh?" Both Gosunkugi and Ranma startled.

"Can you play basketball?" Isamu asked.

"N-" Gosunkugi started.

"Before you answer," Isamu interrupted. "I'd like to remind you that Akane's playing."

"-aturally!" Gosunkugi finished. Gosunkugi was ecstatic! Never mind that he probably wouldn't make it off the court alive! He was going to be near Akane!

"Ok, now let's pick team captains," Isamu said. "Ranma and-"

"_I_, the great Tatewaki Kuno, shall be captain!" Kuno burst out, shoving Ryoga out of his way. "For what better man to lead a team to victory more than I, the undisputed champion of the high school kendo circuit? For four years have I easily bested the best, my prowess is-"

"Fine, fine. Kuno'll be captain too." Isamu complied.

"Ok, I'll pick first." Ranma said.

"No! By reason of my legendary status, I shall pick first." Kuno demanded.

"Shampoo not care who pick first," Shampoo said, glomping onto Ranma's arm. "Shampoo on Ranma's team."

"I'm sorry, brother dear. But I must also pledge allegiance to Ranma darling!" Kodachi swooned, grabbing Ranma's other arm.

"Great," Akane mumbled. "Whichever team I end up in will have a pervert for a captain."

"I heard that!" Ranma yelled, trying to shake off Kodachi and Shampoo.

"Good!"

"Bloody naff," Isamu slapped his forehead.

"Naff?" asked Nabiki.

-  
In the dark, dank, yet very efficient sewers of Japan lurks...

THE OKONOMIYAKI-MONSTER!

The flesh things, it thought (although it was still new to this "thinking"), didn't want it to be with it's mommy. They must have done something to her, because she ran from it the moment it sensed (for it never really did have any of the senses we do) her. A disturbing thought hit it, what if that wasn't its mommy? But no, it thought, what else could she be?

The monster oozed through the sewers and up into a home. It sensed sustenance. There was a flesh thing here too but the monster was quite weak, and had sloughed off what passed for the fear center of its brain so it was not afraid.

-  
Sasuke locked the door. He checked one more time. His master and mistress were off on a mission and said that they wouldn't be back until much, much later.

If the Kunos knew he watched these kinds of tapes in their house he knew they would evict him, maybe even force him to commit seppuku.

He looked guiltily around one more time, and then put in the tape.

-  
The monster had feasted on Kodachi's vast variety of vegetation. Satiated,  
it wandered the endless corridors of the Kuno Mansion. Because of the rather eclectic diet Kodachi's plants had provided it, to its own surprise, it no longer was losing parts of itself when it moved. It sensed the presence of the flesh thing, it was very close. Its curiosity piqued, the creature oozed, no, wobbled in a rather awkward way, menacingly towards the unsuspecting flesh thing.

-  
Don't worry, Youta. Video girls can't fall in love. {but why does my heart ache?}

"Youta you fool," Sasuke sniffed. "Can't you see Ai-chan loves you? (sniff, sniff)"

The monster watched, fascinated. The flesh things were able to flatten themselves into the wall. Amazing.

Moemi-chan. You have to fight for Nimaii-kun.

Youta, I wish I had fallen in love with you instead.

"(sniff, sniff) I don't think my poor heart can bear this," Sasuke sniffed, opening a new box of tissue.

Motenuchi-kun, If you still want Moemi-chan, take her from me.

"YOU'RE A JERK, MAN! A JERK!" Sasuke shouted at the screen. "Why do you treat her like that, huh? Huh?!"

The okonomiyaki monster walked away. While watching, it discovered the amazing ability to copy the flat flesh thing on the screen. It also remembered that most flesh things it saw were not flat, so it had filled out the third dimension.

'Nimaii-kun' walked out the front door, giving this balancing on drumsticks a try.

He wanted his mommy.

-  
Everybody started yelling at each other. Kuno got mad because nobody seemed to want to join his team. Ryoga got mad because Mousse called him Shampoo. Shampoo got mad because Mousse called Ryoga Shampoo. Akane was already mad because Ranma wouldn't let go of Kodachi and Shampoo. Ranma was mad because Shampoo and Kodachi wouldn't let go of him. Isamu was mad because they weren't playing basketball.

Isamu pulled a TV/VCR out of his bag, surprising everybody. Two hours and a Barney marathon later, Isamu and Nabiki had gotten everybody into two teams.

"Don't you think you went a little bit overboard?" Nabiki asked.

"Do you think they would have agreed any other way?" Isamu said wearily.

"No, but that show..." Nabiki shuddered, leaving the thought unfinished. Images of a retarded, polyester, purple dinosaur swam in her head.

"Ok, so me, Akane, Shampoo, and Mousse are on Ranma's team and everyone else is in Kuno's."

No one said a word, though a few occasionally mumbled, "i love you, you love me...", "Americans _like_ that show?" and "Mine senses reel from such disgusting imagery."

The crowd took one look at the lineups and immediately dubbed Ranma's team Team Saotome and Kuno's Team Psychopath. Ukyo was deeply offended by this, but she saw that she was the only one who was actually remotely in mental balance. With all the complications over, or at least temporarily put aside, the game was afoot. At first, it went along smoothly with a lot of pretty dunks and lay-ups, which came _way_ too easily to most everyone, Isamu thought. If anybody was taping, which Nabiki was, there would have been a lot of highlight film. There was the alley-oop from Isamu to Ranma, Ryoga's strong, baseline slam dunk on Mousse and Ranma. Surprisingly, Kuno showed a proficiency for blocking, stuffing most of Mousse and Isamu's shots. Shampoo was a strong post-up player, able to muscle her way in for the turn around. Akane, well, let's just say if anyone in the crowd didn't know her they would ask, "Who's that? Y'know, the one with the elbows." The half ended at Team Saotome leading Team Psychopath 52-50.

Nabiki moved in towards the Team Saotome half-time huddle with her video cam for close-ups. This tape should sell well, she thought, there's enough sweaty flesh out there to fill out a Sports Illustrated issue. Ooh, Isamu's got a cute butt.

"Okay," Ranma wiped the sweat from his face. "We're doing a great job so far," he said splashing himself with cold water. "Except that damn Kuno keeps blocking... what?"

"Sorry," Isamu stopped staring. "I can't get used to that."

"Huh?" Ranma-chan said eloquently. "Oh, the change thing. You'll get used to it."

"Either way, he's still a pervert," Akane said to Isamu.

Nabiki walked over to videotape Team Psychopath's huddle as Ranma and Akane started shouting at each other.

"Truly you are sorry lot," Kuno reprimanded. "You must work harder, if you hope to stay on the team of the great and mighty Tatewaki Kuno. Persevere! Lowly dogs-"

"Ah-hem."

"-excluding you of course, dear sister. Your defense can be penetrated by even the slowest of slugs! Indeed I, the great and noble Tatewaki Kuno, am the one and only reason that we are at a striking distance from the evil Ranma Saotome! Saotome! How that name fills me with an anger all the rain in the world cannot quench! If I were a great and mighty volcano, I would surely have erupted long ago."

"Shut up!" Ryoga growled. "I'm the one who's doing the scoring on this team!"

"And what about _my_ 3 pointers?" Kodachi demanded. "Are my efforts unappreciated?"

"I'd appreciate it even more if you didn't keep passing the ball to Ranma," Ryoga grumbled.

"C'mon, guys," Ukyo chimed. "It's just a game."

"Can I make a suggestion?" Gosunkugi chirped, who surprisingly, was quite adept at stealing the ball.

"No!" Everyone replied sharply.

"Ok."

The second half started. Unfortunately, unlike the first half, this was far from normal basketball.

"Pig-tailed girl!" Kuno burst out. "How cruel is fate, that she might pit you against the great Tatewaki Kuno! No! Tis not fate which is cruel, but the dark sorcerer, Ranma Saotome!"

"You!" Kodachi shouted. "Harlot! What did you do with my Ranma darling?"

Shampoo rolled her eyes. "And Shampoo thought purple, gaijin dinosaur was stupid."

Akane looked at Ranma angrily. "You idiot!" She fumed. "How are we going to explain this to those two?"

"Just a minor substitution," Isamu said, thinking quickly. "Let's get started, shall we?"

Kodachi and Kuno were about to argue when Isamu started whistling the Barney theme song. They immediately clamped their mouths shut, they didn't want another dose of that.

Gosunkugi got an early steal from Shampoo. He passed it quickly down court to Ukyo who threw it to Ryoga for a strong slam dunk.

"Alright!" Ukyo shouted, giving Ryoga a high five.

"Yeah!" Ryoga shouted, as he ran back on the defense. "Eat that Ranma! Your team sucks!"

"Hey!"

"Except you, Akane!" Ryoga amended quickly.

The tension on the court had risen considerably. Ryoga was constantly hacking Ranma, while Kodachi mallet-slammed her every so often.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Ranma shouted, rubbing his head. "THERE'S NO WEAPONS IN BASKETBALL!"

Kuno was making Akane furious, because every time she had the ball, he would clear out everyone, including his teammates, from her path and offer her the basket. Ranma had her hands full, trying to ward off not only the other team, but her teammates as well.

"Look, Mousse," Ranma said, frustrated as she passed the ball to Isamu and ducking to avoid Mousse's fist. "Can you avenge your baldness later? Besides, your wig is off kilter." She wagged her tongue as she avoided Mousse's swings once again.

A few possessions later, with the score tied at 60, Ranma tried to go for a drive, but Kuno was waiting for her under the basket. They met in the air, Ranma protected the ball. Unfortunately, Kuno wasn't grabbing for the ball.

"My Goddess- urgkh!" Kuno said, slipping off Ranma's fist and letting go of Ranma-chan's chest.

"How dare you!" Kodachi bristled, stomping towards Ranma. "Not only did you steal my Ranma darling's name and heart, but you _dare_ hurt my brother dear?"

"Hey!" Ranma snapped back. "He touched ME!"

"Time out!" Akane shouted and dragged a fuming mad Ranma to their huddle.

"No more Mr. Nice Guy!" Ranma shouted, grabbing the kettle she had been heating for the last few minutes and dumping it on herse... himself. Unfortunately for him, everyone else had the same idea. The effects of the brainwashing was wearing off and most everybody was getting their weapons ready.

The teams got on the court.

"Saotome! Again you face the might-"

"SHUT UP!" Everybody else shouted.

Mousse inbounded to Ranma. Mousse grinned. He had switched basketballs and had passed a basketball bomb at Ranma. Ranma being the ballhog that he is, he thought, he'll still be holding it when it goes off. Mousse laughed maniacally. Revenge! Revenge!

Mousse looked around. Everyone was staring at him.

"What? Haven't you ever seen anyone burst into maniacal laughter with no reason whatsoever before?" He demanded.

Ranma shrugged and passed him the ball. Before it reached Mousse's hand, Gos intercepted it. He passed it to Kodachi who threw it up at the three-point line. Kodachi missed and Ranma got the rebound. Ranma ran down the court, but Kodachi used a ribbon to trip up Ranma.

"Foul! Foul!" Isamu called frantically.

"Hey, combat basketball's fine by me." Ranma said, grinning evily. He pulled hard on the ribbon, making it taut, and tripping up Ryoga in the process.

The fuse continued to burn.

The ball sailed up in the air, Mousse used a chain to reel the loose ball in and passed it to Ranma again. Ranma was being blanketed by Kuno so he passed it to Isamu who was slapped hard by Ryoga. He managed to pass it to Mousse but Kuno swiped at it with his bokken, knocking the ball, and Mousse's wig, loose. Isamu popped Ryoga for hand checking him. Ryoga shrugged and kicked him in the head.

Isamu dragged himself over to the sideline where Nabiki was filming.

"Bloody naffin' hell! There's no way in hell this game'll finish will it?" He asked her testily.

"Oh, it'll finish alright." She replied, watching.

"Fine," Isamu said, pulling two escrima sticks from his bag.

"Giant chopsticks?" Nabiki asked innocently.

"Bloody right! I mean, no!" Isamu said. He gave up on trying to explain what he meant to Nabiki and waded back into the game.

The fuse burned on...

"Katsu tenshin amagurikeennnn!" Ranma shouted as he tried to grab the ball from Ryoga. Ryoga turned his back and shielded the ball. He spotted Ukyo open and threw the ball at her, just as Isamu brought both sticks down on his head. Ukyo brought out her spatula and hit the ball to Gosunkugi, who immediately got hit by Shampoo's bonbori. Before he was hit, Gosunkugi was able to throw it to Kodachi for the three. 85-80, Team Psychopath.

Akane inbounded to Ranma who threw it to Shampoo who was going strong to the hole, mainly because she was leading with her bonbori. She went for the lay-up but was blocked by Kodachi's pin. Akane threw some elbows and got the rebound and the putback. 90-90.

Kuno had the ball and charged towards the basket. In a rare display of intellect he passed it out when they closed the lane on him. Mousse intercepted the ball as the fuse finally ran out. A massive explosion rocked him bald and knocked the original ball loose from his sleeve.

"What the bloody hell happened to him?" Isamu asked Ukyo as he picked her up.

Away from the ball...

"Ranma, " Akane said, burying her fist into Ranma's skull. "You're suppose to guard the other team, NOT your own teammate!"

Shampoo was hugging Ranma fiercely, rubbing her head to his chest.

Back to the game...

"Beats me," Ukyo replied, looking for an open man (teammate, you know what I mean. If I was a normal sexist guy the girls wouldn't even be playing, ok? OK!? ok.) "I think one of those thingies in his sleeve blew up. At least he didn't damage the ball," she said as she shot it over him. 102-100. Team Psycho.

Team Psycho ran an isolation play for Kuno. Isamu picked him up, getting his sticks ready. Kuno dribbled the ball with his left hand and leveled his bokken at his opponent.

"So, foul sorcerer! You have chosen to do battle with the great and magic-immune Tatewaki Kuno!" Kuno expounded, slapping one of Isamu's sticks with his sword. "Sorce as you will!"

"Sorce?" Isamu asked, trying to steal the ball. "What the bloody hell is sorce?"

"Sorce: the term used when a magician sorcerates." Kuno smiled, talking clinically. "Do you not have proper education as to be ignorant of such simple terms?"

"That's it!" Isamu growled. "None may cast asperations upon my intellect without dire repercussions!"

"Foul doer of ebon mysticism! Have at thee!" Kuno passed the rock and charged.

"THE BLUE THUNDER STRIKES!"

"THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK!"

Gosunkugi had the misfortune of receiving the ball, immediately becoming the target of a large number of people. Early in the second half he found out that when Kodachi wanted the ball, you better get it to her. Team Saotome, with the exception of Isamu who was trading hits and tirades with Kuno, lunged at him. Gosunkugi saw Ukyo zooming towards the basket and threw the ball like a hot potato. Unfortunately, Team Saotome flattened him anyway. Ukyo sprinted for the ball but Gosunkugi threw it too far in front of her. She whipped out her spatula and used it to slap the ball up and in.

The action was getting more intense, more frenzied. Gosunkugi slinked away quietly, wishing not to be a part of it anymore. They weren't even playing combat basketball really, It was more like thinly-veiled muggings. Using the basketball as the thin veil. Shampoo presently had the ball, but it was knocked out of her hands and a mad scramble for the ball erupted. Ranma came up with it, but he tripped and fell to the ground. Kuno towered over him, pointed his bokken at his throat.

"Saotome, do not give me an excuse for an action which I shall have infinite enjoyment in enacting." Kuno said smirking.

"Huh?"

"Give me the ball."

"Let him up." Isamu said, wrapping both sticks around Kuno's neck.

"Let my brother-dear go." Kodachi said, aiming her spiked club at his head and wrapping her ribbon around his neck.

"Isamu's a friend of the family's, so hands off." Akane said, poising her mallet to strike.

"Akane Tendo, I would deeply regret hurting you, but if it will result in Ranma's demise then I shall." Mousse said, holding a potty trainer high above his head.

"If Mousse get husband killed. Then Shampoo turn stupid Mousse into Peking duck!" Shampoo said, jabbing her sword into his back for emphasis and holding her bonbori in position. "But is ok if Mousse hit Akane, though."

"Oh, man. This is rich!" Nabiki laughed as she videotaped the scene. "Actually, this'll probably make me rich!" Such action, comedy, drama, alright, there wasn't alot of drama, but there sure was alot of action and comedy. She can already see where this was going. She zoomed in on Ryoga, who looked absolutely confused. He looked like he didn't know where his loyalty would be. Finally, he walked up to the end of the line, got his speech ready, and aimed his umbrella at Shampoo's back.

"Make Mousse let Akane go," he started. "Then everyone else back off. Ranma's _mine_!"

Ukyo, who had sensibly walked away from this, came back from the concession stand and sat by Nabiki.

"Your boyfriend might get hurt out there," she said, licking her ice cream.

"Isamu can take care of himself," Nabiki replied. "And he's not my boyfriend."

Everyone looked at him. The crowd, who stayed for the whole event because a) it was fun to watch b)it was free and c) they wanted to place their orders to Nabiki early and avoid the rush, hushed even more than before. Nabiki panned back, to show the whole scene.

Everyone on the court thought about Ryoga's suggestion. Then they thought about it some more. "NO!"

"Fine!" He shouted. "Akane look out! BAKUSAI-TEN-KETSUUU!"

-  
"Bloody hell! Bloody hell! Bloody naffin' hell!"

Nabiki looked at her walking-buddy. Isamu had a lot of bruises on him, some new, some old, but otherwise he was ok. Ranma and Akane walked a little bit behind them, embroiled in another heated lover's quarrel.

"What?" She asked him.

"I can't believe what you people get up to here!" He said, shielding his eyes from the setting sun. "I mean, here I was just wanting to play a bit of bloody one-on-one basketball with Ranma over there, and we end up trashing the whole naffin' place!"

"Well, you just have to get used to it." She smiled. "This was a relatively quiet day for us, actually."

He stared at her, then chuckled. Nabiki hummed the Friends theme song as she counted the money she got from the pre-orders as they walked.

"You liked that show, huh?" He asked, rubbing his sore neck.

"It's nice," she agreed.

"Akane seemed to like it even better," he said, looking back at them. He winced as his movement cause a spasm in his back.

"I won't survive the bloody week at this rate." He rubbed his back. "Oh, man! And it's a school day tomorrow!"

"Yeah, well... Y'know, I thought I had you all figured out." Nabiki said, putting on her sunglasses.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Then you come up with an entirely new speech pattern."

"Oh, you mean all the 'bloody' and 'naff' and all that," he said, wiping his forehead. "British neighbor back in the States. Elizabeth Braddock."

"So what does 'naff' mean, then?" she asked.

"Beats me. Ah, let's stop here a moment."

"Why do you want to stop at a sign shop?" Nabiki asked.

"I owe someone a sign." he said, opening the front door. He turned and smiled. "Y'know what? I can't wait to see you in uniform."

-  
"SSSAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSUUUUUUUKKKKEEEEEEE!"

Kodachi was not mad. She was MAD.

Kodachi was not angry. She was enraged.

Kodachi was not seeing red. She was seeing ULTRA-VIOLENT.

This was not a good day to be Sasuke. But then again, when would be?

-  
"Stupid Mousse!"

"Please, Shampoo!" He pleaded as they headed back to the Nekohanten. "I wanted to do it for you!"

"Stupid Mousse!"

"Please go out with me Shampoo!" He said, conciously fiddling with his wig.

"Stupid Mousse!"

"Ryoga's blast knocked me down before I could hurt Akane," he lied.

"Stupid Mousse!"

"M-my n-n-name is N-N-Nimaii-kun," 'Nimaii' said, stepping out of the alley. "W-will y-you g-go out with m-me?"

"Nihao!" Shampoo said dreamily. "Him cute!"

'Nimaii-kun' copied the face gestures he saw on the wall, the 'smile'. Mommy made the gesture back.

=============================================================== ========NEXT: STRANGE DAYS =Eight Days A Week-Part-III============= ===============================================================

WHY'D YOU DO IT MAN?  
As you can tell, part 2 ain't nearly as long as part 1 was. It really didn't have much emotional significance either. That's the point. It's just plain ol' fun. Tell you the truth, part 2 wasn't even part of the plot.

The okonomiyaki monster is back! Better than ever! Don't ask me how I thought of turning it into Nimaii-kun. Little itsy-bitsy voices in my head. Poor, poor Sasuke.

HUH?  
Nimaii-kun, Motenuchi-kun, Ai-chan and Moemi-chan are characters from Video Girl Ai.

Nimaii-kun is a lady-killer. Moemi is the lady killed. Motenuchi is in love with the dead lady. Ai is a supernatural hologram/guardian angel /companion/therapist who, though is made not to fall in love, does with the necromantic. Er, just rent it!

CAMEOS X-Files- Hah! Betcha didn't see _that_ coming!  
X-men- No, really. There's an X-men reference here The World Champion Houston Rockets- Great team. BAD uniforms.  
Video Girl Ai- Isn't she adorable?

THE SOUNDTRACK I'm stealing the idea of giving a fanfic a soundtrack from many writers before me. You know who you are, and I thank you.

JADE- from the Macross Plus Volume II Soundtrack. Fits to a T.  
SHOOTING HOOPS- by G Love and Special sauce from 'G Love and Special Sauce' cd.

SPECIAL REQUEST Can someone with spare videotape out there send a copy of Street Fighter the Series?

\- 


	3. Chapter 3

R1/2 - Nigel M. &amp; RpM-acct2/5 RPM

=========================================================================== RANMA 1/2: Eight Days A Week Story concept: Nigel M.  
written by: Nigel M.  
fluff written and edited (barely) by: RpM ===========================================================================

Author's note:

I AM THE WRITER! THE AUTHOR! I AM GOD! FLEE FROM MY WRATH MORTALS! FLEE! AHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

-NIGEL M.- WRITER &amp; LORD OF ALL HE SURVEYS

p.s. "*Like always, this means they're speaking in a foreign language. Like English.*" Otherwise they're speaking Japanese.  
-

PART III: A Whirlwind Romance (Keep your eye on the birdie)

=========================== ====MONDAY- Strange Days=== =========================== "Isamu! Wake up!" Nabiki shouted, knocking. "We're going to be late!"

Ranma was perched on Isamu's fence while Akane leaned against it, tapping her shoe impatiently.

"That guy's gonna make us late," Ranma complained.

"Oh, yeah, " Akane said sarcastically. "Like you've never made us late before."

-  
Isamu slept the sleep of the dead. Or more accurately, he slept the sleep of people who's internal body clocks have not adjusted yet.

"Isamu! Wake up! We're going to be late!"

Isamu jerked awake. "Whu-?" He tried. His brain, not accepting the fact that it was indeed morning, stubbornly refused to connect with his mouth.

"whuzzzuh?" He tried again. There was a constant thumping in his head. No, wait, that was someone knocking. Why would someone be knocking at... he looked at his watch, and froze. I'm gonna be late!

-  
"C'mon! We're going to be late!" Nabiki called, still knocking.

"...and what about that time where you had a fight with your dad before school? You made us late _that_ time, too." Akane said, smugly.

"Which one?" Ranma asked, confused. "I've had a lot of them y'kno-"

Ranma blinked, Akane was gone.

The door to Isamu's house was still vibrating, Nabiki was gone too. It must be some new villain! He thought. Akane and Nabiki have been kidnapped! Again! I must gather the-

"HURRYUPDUMMYORYOURGONNABELAaate..."Akane shouted in the distance, rapidly dissappearing from view. Both her and Nabiki being carried speedily away by a zooming Isamu.

Ranma blinked, stared, and blinked again.

"Hey! Wait for me!"

-  
"Good morning, class! We have a new student here today," Mr. Morita introduced. "Class, this is Isamu Hentaii."

A few of the guys smirked, most of the girls didn't mind his name. No one laughed. Isamu wondered why.

-  
Akane looked out the window, not really paying attention. Boy, Isamu could sure run fast. She looked at the silhouette in the window beside the door.

-  
Ranma stood by the door grumbling, a pail of water in each hand.

-  
Nabiki looked down at her notes, her mind not really in class. She glanced over at Kuno, who was furiously scribbling away.

"Kuno," the teacher began. "What can you tell me about-"

"Silence, knave!" Kuno shouted, standing up, his bandages flapping dramatically, immediately earning a hit from eraser the teacher threw.

"Kuno, go stand in the hall!"

-  
The last bell rang. Ranma and Akane sat under a tree, waiting for Nabiki and Isamu.

"I couldn't believe it!" Ranma said. "The whole school! Nabiki managed to sell the whole school a copy of the game yesterday!"

"Tell me about it," Akane sighed. "I was getting teased left and right."

"But not for long, right?" Ranma asked, leaning back.

"Right!"

"You should've seen my 2nd period class," Ranma smirked, remembering. "Mr. Sakura was about to pour some really unstable chemicals into a beaker when-"

"Coach Kawamura burst in the door, making him drop the beaker." Akane finished.

"How'd you know?" Ranma asked, confused.

"Are you kidding? The whole school heard the blast!" Akane laughed. "Half your class is still in the infirmary. Nabiki's really getting overworked. What I didn't find out was why coach Kawamura barged in in the first place."

Ranma smiled. "Ahh, that's my fault. Or Nabiki's actually. He got a copy of the tape too."

"And?"

"He wanted me on the basketball team."

They both laughed for a while.

"Y'know, howcum we don't get along like this more often?" Ranma asked.

"Because you always say stupid stuff, that's why." Akane said matter-of-factly.

"Me?" Ranma stood up.

"Yeah, you!" Akane said, also standing up. "Like remember the time when we..." She looked around, "why is everybody running?"

"Ranma grabbed the nearest student. "Eiji, what's goin' on?"

"Saotome!" He said, looking very surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Standing under a tree, talking to you." Ranma said flippantly. "Where's everybody headed?"

"Me and Sato, we heard that Kuno was gonna fight somebody in the courtyard after school." He said, scratching his head. "Isn't he fighting _you_?"

"Sorry," Ranma shrugged. "News to me. Besides, he passed by me ten minutes ago."

"So who _is_ he waiting for then?" Akane asked, looking in the courtyard's direction.

"Let's find out," Ranma said, picking up his bag. "I don't get to see Kuno fight anybody else but me."

Ranma and Akane caught up to the large crowd surrounding the courtyard. Kuno stood on one end, whipping his bokken through the air. It looked like the whole school had turned out for this.

"Hey Akane!" Megumi called, waving some money in the air. "Where's Nabiki?"

-  
"I can't believe you got in trouble your first day." Nabiki said, walking up behind Isamu.

"Don't I know it," he sighed. "C'mon."

They walked down the long corridor towards the exit. "How'd you like the principal?" She asked jokingly.

"Huh! With a dad like that I can see why Tatewaki and his sister are so unbalanced." He grumbled. "Besides, how come Ranma gets to wear whatever he wants?"

"Don't ask me," Nabiki shrugged. "I'm still trying to figure that one out myself."

"A uniform! He tells me I gotta wear a bloody uniform! By the way," he added, glancing at her. "Did anyone ever tell you that you look fantastic in one?" He said, pushing the door open, the sunlight brightly greeting them. Isamu shielded his eyes. He had the impression that a large crowd was gathered outside.

"At last! Wherefore hast thou been? The Blue Thunder waits for no man, not for warriors nor for mages, Hentaii!" Kuno greeted from across the schoolyard.

Isamu put his hand down. "What did he say?" He said, turning to Nabiki.

"Don't know. Something to do with blue waiters or something." She said, as she cupped her hands around her mouth. "KUNO-CHAN! YOU HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER!"

"THEN LET THIS SPEAK FOR ME!" Kuno shouted, hurling an envelope at Isamu.

The aerodynamic piece of paper whizzed through the air, hurtling inexorably towards Isamu. Isamu made no move to catch it until it was inches from his face. His hand moved with lightning quickness. *WHPSHH*!

-  
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS

Case #_221025_ transferred to: X-files division.  
Federal Agent(s): Fox Mulder, Dana Scully

X-FILES CASE #342345- From the reports of Federal Agent Dana Scully

Although I still fervently believe that there are logical explanations to the mystery of the American tourists [Report 1], Agent Mulder's fanciful theory of 'cursed springs' may be gaining credibility. A chinese man, approximately in his late 40's to early 50's referring to himself only as the 'Jusenkyo Guide', has come forward to substantiate Agent Mulder's theory. I took samples of some of the thousand-odd springs. Although my training was in human medical care. I have more than a nodding acquaintance to microbiology. Tests under high-powered microscopes show an unusual amount of amino acids and proteins in the water. The 'Guide' has pointed us to a district in Japan where a high concentration of these allegedly 'cursed' people reside. There are still a battery of tests I would like to perform on the springs. Samples have also been sent back to the Microbiology lab in Virginia, to confirm or deny my results. Agent Mulder is pursuing leads here in China, paying particular attention to the legendary 'Chinese Amazons' of this region. Reports from locals indicate that at least one member of their tribe has been 'cursed. After tests and investigations here are satisfactory, Agent Mulder and I will proceed to Japan, Nerima District.

-  
"Owww!" Isamu groaned, trying to get up and unplastering the paper projectile from his face.

"Y'know," Nabiki said, smirking. "Akane could've caught that."

Isamu grumbled and unfolded the piece of paper. He frowned, looked menacingly at Kuno, and thrust the paper into Nabiki's hands.

"Can you read this for me? I think it has something about him and me doing something together."

"Learn to read," she said, smoothing out the paper. "It says: 'I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, the undisputed champion of the high school kendo yaddayaddayadda...' oh, here 'challenge you Isamu Hentai', he spelled your name wrong by the way, 'Isamu Hentai, mage, practicer of the ebon arts, mystic of the underworld yaddayadda to a challenge at the Furinkan High School Courtyard after school hours.'"

"Huh," Isamu grunted, shifting his backpack. "How come you didn't know about this?" He asked as he walked towards the center of the courtyard.

"I was busy... FOUR TO ONE... working in the... AGAINST ISAMU... infirmary," she said as she started gathering bets from the crowd.

"Why is it four-to-one now?" Isamu complained.

"Yo Isamu!" Ranma called, Akane in tow.

Isamu veered towards them. "What's up, guys? Sorry about this," he said, pointing over his shoulder. "You could go on home without us if you want to. Nabiki's covering bets again and I'm being bet on."

"You kidding?" Ranma grinned. "This is the first time Kuno's getting into a fight that I'm not involved in. No way am I gonna miss this!"

"Be careful, ok?" Akane warned. "Kuno's better than a lot of people give him credit for." She added, staring meaningfully at Ranma.

"Ahh, don't worry about me Ms. Tendo," he said playfully, picking a small leaf off of her shoulder. "But if he does beat me, can you bring me some food?"

"Sure," Akane nodded happily.

The people around them heard this and started betting on Isamu to win. They thought he had a better motivation to win than Kuno did.

"You'd better win," Ranma whispered conspiratorially.

Meanwhile, Kuno was waiting impatiently. Isamu reached the center of the courtyard.

"Hello Tatewaki," Isamu said pleasantly.

"Disrespectful cur! You shall address me as Upperclassman Kuno or Blue Thunder!" Kuno raged.

"I don't think so, junior."

"What!"

"I'm a senior. You're a junior." Isamu said pleasantly, his hand snaking into his bag. "You have to address _me_ as upperclassman Hentaii. I met your dad by the way. I see the resemblance."

"GRRRRAHHH!" Kuno howled, running full steam at Isamu. "You have insulted the Kuno name, and my esteemed self in particular, for the last time, hentaaaai!"

Isamu threw the watermelon towards the speeding Kuno. Kuno's reflex took over and sliced down on the fruit. To everyone's utter surprise, Kuno's wooden blade shattered against it. Unable to decrease his forward momentum, Kuno dove headlong into the watermelon with a resounding *KLANG!*

-  
"I thought of dragging the fight out and tossing it at him in the end," Isamu was explaining to Akane as they walked down the street. "Y'know, like a final attack or something. 'Unfolding Wing, Rising Watermelon Defeat' or "Roaring Watermelon Bullet' or something like that." He said, waving his hands in the air. "But I thought: what's the point?"

"But why did the watermelon break his bokken?" Ranma asked, finally giving up on borrowing some money from Nabiki.

"It was made out of metal," Nabiki answered, stuffing wads of yen into her bag.

"How'd you guess?" Asked Isamu, obviously impressed.

"Hey, It's what I would have done." She beamed. "Besides, you barely won last time, I knew you'd bring insurance with you." Isamu deflated while the rest of them laughed goodnaturedly

They continued walking home, idle talk wafting through the air. They got to Isamu's house first, so they bid him goodbye and the trio walked towards the dojo.

-  
In a secluded part of Japan, an incospicuous laboratory houses the greatest minds alive.

"*Egads, Brain!*" Pinky shouted, grabbing his toes and spinning on his tail happily. "*I love these kung-fu movies! POW! ZOK! eehee- heeheehee NARF!*"

"*Silence, Pinky!*" Said the Brain, using his tail to unlock their cage. "*It is fortunate that Acme Labs decided to expand to Japan," he said, hopping out. "This benefits our plan greatly.*"

"POW! ZOWIE! NARF! POIT!" Pinky responded eloquently.

"*Cease Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you," Brain warned. Suddenly he stopped, watching the film Pinky was watching. A small smile formed on his face. "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?*"

Pinky looked at him for a moment.

"*I think so Brain, but I'm pretty sure Mick didn't swallow him.*"

A few moments later, as Pinky rubbed the beaker shaped dent on his head. "*Listen, Pinky! We shall disguise ourselves as a master martial artist rise through the ranks of the martial arts, then use our fame to take over the WORLD!*"

"*Egads, Brain! That's brilliant!" Pinky shouted, hopping. "Oh, nono, wait. How are we suppose to become master martial artists? Poit.*"

"*WITH THIS!*" Brain shouted, pulling off the cloth covering of a mysterious object in the corner.

It was about half a man's size, approximately 4 ft. tall.

It looked like Happousai's brother.

-  
"How was school today, m'boy?" Genma asked cheerily. He and Soun were sitting in the patio, playing shogi.

"It was great!" Ranma laughed, remembering. "My chemistry class blew up! Then, Kuno got hit in the head with a steel watermelon. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Genma and Soun stared.

Akane and Nabiki shrugged and walked inside. Ranma sighed, "You had to be there, Pop." He said, following the sisters.

"Saotome," Soun asked, as they turned back to their game. "Do you think we should worry?"

"I don't think so Tendo," Genma said. "Let's just concentrate on getting my son and your daughter married. Look! A blue banded falcon!"

"Where?" Soun asked, swinging his head frantically as Genma fiddled with the game pieces.

-  
Kasumi was sitting in the living room, reading a medical book when her sisters came in. She glanced outside, watching Ranma talk to his elders.

The sisters talked for a while, Kasumi enjoyed these quiet times when it was just the girls. Kasumi watched over her sisters like their mother did. She saw that Akane really did love Ranma, and was ever ready to be there when the inevitable "What should I do?" talk arrives. Now there was Nabiki. The strong one, the smart one. Kasumi sighed inwardly. In truth, Nabiki was the one who made Kasumi worry a bit. Kasumi saw that Isamu was the first guy that Nabiki truly had any deep interest in. But her sister was, like Akane, and in some ways, Kasumi admitted, like she was, very strong willed.

She snapped back to the present, Ranma was arguing with Akane over the tv. Kasumi sighed. When will those two ever-

"Excuse me? The door was open, so I let myself in."

"Oh, hello Isamu," she smiled. "Please, sit down."

Kasumi noted with amusement that the handsome young man had an effect on her... sisters? Nabiki imperceptibly changed her posture to a more regal one. But Akane had a slight sparkle in her eye too. My, my!

"What's up, man?" Ranma said, cheerfully.

"I heard there's a mall a few blocks away. Has anybody been there yet?"

"Nope." Ranma replied. Neither did the Tendo sisters.

"Y'wanna go there now?" He asked.

"I guess," Akane replied as the others nodded. "Let me ask Dad."

Soun agreed heartily. He saw this as a double-date. Ah what fortune has the gods blessed this house with? Nabiki has found a husband also! "Go with my blessings."

-  
Akane walked into Nabiki's room. "Are you ready?"

Nabiki waved her into silence, then talked into the receiver.

"Mr. Muhoshin? Hi, you know who this is. I've just gotten confirmation of your payment. Is your fax number still the same? Uh-huh, uh-huh, alright, I'm sending them now. Thank you for your business." She hung up the phone.

Akane looked at one of the papers that Nabiki was faxing.

Gosunkugi Hikaru: Mostly Harmless

Nabiki took it from her, faxed it, and then put it through the shredder. "It's just business, Akane," she smiled. "As usual."

-  
They walked off. Nabiki and Akane had changed out of uniform and were wearing quite nice sundresses. Kasumi wore a nice blouse, and left the apron at home. They passed by Ucchan's upon Isamu's request.

"Ukyo?" He said, peering in.

"Hi! Hey everybody! Thanks for the sign!" She beamed.

"That's what I came by for," He beamed back. "We're off to the mall. Wanna come?"

"Sorry," she said sadly. "Work," she nodded her head in the direction of her customers. "I'll just catch up later."

"Oh, ok," He said. " See you later!"

-  
Kasumi, Akane and Nabiki sat in a booth in the food court as they watched the boys play in the arcade. Soon, they were a group of fifteen, as they were joined by their classmates. They sat around and talked for a while, the conversation eventually turning to their lovelives.

"...and we had to break up because he was moving to the States. I still think of him."

The others sat in rapt attention. After a while more, as most conversations generally do, it turned to the new guy.

"Hey, I think he's cute." Michiko said.

"You would. You think every boy is cute." Yuri said, sipping her tea. "He kept smiling at everybody in the hall. Doesn't he know you're suppose to ignore people you don't know?"

"He's weird." Arisa interjected. "Hey Akane, how come when you introduced me he said *Hi! How are you*? What did that mean?"

"I think that was English for 'How are you?'" Akane said, frowning. "He's only been here two days or something."

"I saw him at lunch. Couldn't use chopsticks to save his life. He dresses nice though," Minako chimed in.

"Ah, but the whole school is wondering," Sayaka whispered. "Who's he dating?" She said, looking straight at Nabiki.

-  
"Damn!"

"You do it like this," Isamu gestured, showing the motions with his own joystick.

"Right," Ranma said, imitating the move. "That's that one with the hands,  
right?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. Adon's a tough character to play."

The boys continued to play. To Isamu's surprise, Ranma had never played Street Fighter Alpha. To add to his amazement, Ranma was starting to kick his ass. Ranma beat him again, using Adon's Super Combo. In a few minutes, Ranma was beaten by the computer Ken.

"What about that one?" Isamu asked, pointing at the corner.

"Samurai Spirits 2?" Ranma replied. "I liked '1' better."

"Isn't that Kuno playing the game?" Isamu pointed.

"FOUL GENJURO! FEEL THE MIGHT OF THE BLUE THUNDER!"

"Yup, that's Kuno alright."

"MK3?" Isamu tried.

"You _like_ that game?"

"No. Actually I hate it."

"Me too. No strategy."

"X-Men?"

"Why not?"

Ranma used Wolverine while Isamu picked Omega Red. After a few matches, Ranma had mastered the game and was giving Isamu a tough match.

"You know, from what I've heard, you're a world class fighter."

"Yup. Haven't found anybody who can beat me."

"Huh," Isamu grunted. "Wish it was that easy for me."

"Hey," Ranma quipped, putting another quarter in. "You like Nabiki?"

"Not very subtle are you?" Isamu laughed. "Yeah, I guess I do."

-  
"Heard he likes you Nabiki."

"So?" She asked, sipping her drink.

"Do you like him?" Yuri said, watching Isamu put another token in.

Kasumi smiled. Will she tell? Nabiki's always been quite good about her feelings. She was quite sure none of these girls could read Nabiki. Only because I'm her sister that I can, Kasumi reasoned.

"Nah," Nabiki waved her hand dismissively. "He's just rich, that's all."

Kasumi took this in stride, nodding wisely. Akane, for her part, looked a bit shocked, and a bit more hurt. The group thought about it. Nabiki was very good at lying.

"By the way girls, our deal is still in effect. No name jokes."

"So how are you and Ranma doing?" The gossipers asked Akane.

-  
Kuno's hits hurt. slamming into a wall hurt. Getting kicked by Ryoga hurt. A lot. But at least that was just physical pain.

"Nah. He's just rich, that's all."

Hidden by a pillar, Isamu's face fell. And if you listened very carefully, you would hear the tinkle of a cracked heart. He walked back towards the arcade.

"Hey, Isamu!" Ukyo said enthusiastically, walking into him unexpectedly. Then she noticed his face. "What's up? You look terrible."

Isamu gave her a weak smile. "I think it's just jetlag. Give Ranma and the Tendos my apologies, eh?" He said, walking off with his head low.

Ranma walked back to the now crowded booth. Ukyo was there before him.

"Where's Isamu?" Akane and Ranma asked.

"He went home," Ukyo said, putting her hands in her pockets. "Said it was jetlag." She looked at the exit that Isamu left by. "If you ask me, he looked like he lost a friend."

================================ ==TUESDAY- The Downward Spiral== ================================ "So, explain this bucket thing to me again?"

Ranma sighed. Akane and Nabiki went to school early, for their own reasons. Ranma and Isamu both woke up late and both ended up in the corridor, a bucket of water in each hand. Ranma explained that it was suppose to build discipline, how it was good for character, and how it was just a sadistic little sod who thought of a punishment like this. Ranma wanted to broach the subject of Isamu's sudden disappearance, but thought better of it.

"Oh, right." Isamu said, still looking a bit downcast. "How about the uniform thing? Howcum you don't have to wear one?" He looked down in distaste at his own uniform.

Ranma smiled knowingly. "He can't make me. And believe me, he tried."

-  
"About time!" Mousse grumbled watching the potion in front of him turn green. He was getting tired of wearing this wig. As if he didn't have enough problems with Saotome and everything, now some stuttering idiot is making passes at Shampoo. Well, I'll put a stop to that! He thought as he dumped the boiling hot hairgrower on his shiny, bald head.

Shampoo walked into the kitchen as he was putting a big, cold and damp towel on his head, as prescribed. He smiled at her, she just ignored him. He felt his hair grow, he rubbed vigurously and took the towel off.

"Tad-dah! New hair for a new Mousse!" He said with pride.

Shampoo looked at him.

"BWAHA-HA-HAHAHAHAHA! Mousse have afro!"

-  
Her teacher was rattling off some formulae that she really should be trying to understand, she thought. Nabiki was having an increasingly dificult time concentrating on the work in front of her. Her thoughts kept coming back to this morning, before school.

"Nah. He's just rich, that's all." She muttered under her breath.

Akane had quite a lot of her mind to share this morning.

"Naki-chan," Akane started.

"I know what you're gonna say Akane," Nabiki cut her off. She knew Akane, Naki-chan was only used in situations of _extreme_ importance. This must mean a lot to Akane to confront her away from the family.

"Ok, fine. Answer me then."

"The answer is because." Nabiki snapped.

"Because? You put down a guy you obviously like 'because'? He likes you, Naki-chan. A lot. Ranma talked to him about it yesterday."

"Oh, I 'obviously like' him, do I?" Nabiki said sarcastically, ignoring her last few statements. "Since when were you such a good judge of character?"

"Maybe since I met Isamu. Maybe since I'm your sister. Maybe since I saw you kiss him after dinner last Saturday."

Nabiki stopped walking and faced her sister. "Akane, what I do or say, is _my_ business. I suggest you stay out of it."

"I suggest you stop treating your life like a business," Akane said, brushing past her sister. "For someone who thinks she's so smart all the time you can be pretty dumb Naki-chan."

Thinking back, Nabiki thought she could have handled the mall situation better. Thinking back, she could've handled this morning better, too. But were situations like this 'handled'? For once in her life, she had cracked under pressure. She had said the first thing that came to her mind. The first thing she thought everybody expected her to say, as fitting her image.

Unfortunately, you can't bluff yourself, she sighed. So Nabiki, she thought to herself. _Do_ we like him? Are we trying to fool ourself? Why are we angry with Akane? Because she's telling the truth? Nabiki sighed a long, deep sigh. Does he really like me?

========================================= ==WEDNESDAY- Further Down the Downward Spiral== ========================================= He roared. The sky roared back. Thunder and lightning struck all around him. His aura flared. Where he stood, the ground boiled. Who can stand between him and his prize?

Mousse lay defeated at his feet.

His voice was gruff, probably because of all that roaring. "You... are next."

Kuno stood, bokken at the ready. "Taste defeat at my hands," he said, thunder punctuating his words.

His opponent smiled.

-  
Isamu strode down the hall. He was extremely late. He didn't care. He wore what he thought would look rebellious; torn jeans stuffed into steel-toed biker boots, a plaid shirt and a leather jacket with the word 'TWISTER' patched onto the back.

Principal Kuno strode happily down the hall. There was lots to be happy about! The day was shaping up to be as perfect as a hawaiian sunset. All he needed now was someone to terrorize. He spied someone about ten feet in front of him as the wave of students parted before him.

He smiled.

"Excuse me, young man." He said genially, tapping Isamu on the shoulder.

-  
There was darkness. There was a haze. There was a shape. The shape was pretty. It had dark brown hair and wore a blue uniform.

"Wake up!" Nabiki said, tapping him lightly on the cheek.

"*I'd like two number three's to go,*" he said, sitting up suddenly.

Nabiki hit him lightly on the head. "Do you know who you are? Do you know what happened?"

Isamu shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind. Unconsciousness brought him comfort, at least he didn't wallow in self-pity. Seeing Nabiki this close was too much. He pushed off the bed and stood groggily up.

"I'm ok," he said unsteadily. He wavered.

"Sure?" Nabiki said, moving to support him.

He pushed away. She was shocked. He was so weak that his push floored him. "Of course I'm sure! I'm rich."

"What does that have to do with anything?" She said, sitting on a chair as he struggled onto the bed.

"That's what I thought." He said, eyes misting up. "It seems to make a difference to you though."

"What-"

"'Nah. He's just rich. That's all'" He said bitterly.

"Funny what you hear, huh?" He said, smiling sadly.

"Isamu..."

"No need to explain," he said, closing the door. "I won't understand. I just thought you liked me too that's all."

Nabiki stood alone in the infirmary.

"I do," she whispered. "I do like you."

"You do?" He said, popping back into the room.

"Yaah!" Nabiki jumped back. "Wh-what are you doing back here?" She said, startled.

"Don't change the subject," he said insistently. "Do you?"

Nabiki looked at him. She's a good judge of character, she thought to herself. She was also a woman of decision. He liked her, she judged. And she liked him back, she smiled. And nodded.

He embraced her and, to her utter surprise, kissed her deeply, passionately. He was rewarded with a deep, passionate slap on the face.

"...OWWW!" He said, rubbing his cheek. Nabiki smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.I'll go out with him, she decided. Whenever the poor lunk gets around to it. For now, it's damage control. Shut those blabbermouths from the mall up. Apologize to Akane.

Nabiki smiled. "Ask me out," she whispered in his ear as she pushed him out the door. When Nabiki Tendo sets her mind on something...

-  
Isamu walked down the hall, much more confident than before. He hummed 'I don't have that not-so-fresh feeling anymore'. Brief flashes of memory were seeping back. He distinctly remembered Principal Kuno stuffing pineapples into his backpocket. He realized that a breeze was definitely blowing where it shouldn't be, tied his shirt around his waist, and started walking faster. He didn't notice that the patch in his jacket was also torn, or more accurately, sheared.

Where it used to say TWISTER, now it says TWI T.

"Delinquent! Transvestite! Stop!"

Ranma-chan rounded the corner and barreled through the corridor. Isamu was about to raise a hand in greeting when the pursuit came into view. A buxom woman in a short, yellow dress bounced after Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan, Isamu noted, looked genuinely scared.

"Hey! Ranma, old boy, er, girl!" He said cheerily. "Guess what? NabikieEEK!" He shouted, as tendrils of ki emanated from the woman's hand. Isamu plastered himself into the wall. Where the tendrils brushed him, he felt incredibly weak.

"Can't talk... Runningforlife..." Ranma-chan panted, disappearing around the corner. His pursuit turned briefly, assessed Isamu, and fired a backwards blast at him.

"Delinquent! Happo-5 yen-satsu!" She said, running after Ranma-chan.

"AAAHHH!" Isamu screamed, scrambling for cover. He dove into the nearest open door.

Isamu collected himself off the floor. He looked up at the collected might, er, strength, hmmm... numerical superiority of...The Chem Club.

"Don't you know this is a restricted area?" The president asked testily. A member on his right tugged on his sleeve. "Not now."

Isamu tried to get a word in but he spoke again.

"You're the new guy aren't you?" He said haughtily. "Hentaii-two-i's. Well Mr. Hentaii, maybe you haven't heard, but_we_rule Furinwhat?!" He shouted angrily, yanking his arm out of the member's grasp.

"How long is the compound #1017 suppose to be heated?" He asked tentatively.

"I told you! Thirty seconds! Any more and it becomes explosive!" He shouted.

The student looked at his watch. "Then I think we better-"

*KAAABOOOOOOM!*

Isamu dove headfirst out the door, the blast field right on his heels. Unfortunately, extra adrenaline made him miss the floor. In fact, he missed the whole corridor as he sailed out a third story window.

Isamu assessed the situation calmly. "*I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie*" Then he remembered a quote from a book he once read. It said: ...'use the language of the country you are currently living in. Adapt and acclimate yourself to make life easier.' He shrugged, passing the surprised faces of students on the second floor. "I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie!" He shouted in perfect Japanese.

-  
"Doesn't she... ever give up?" Ranma-chan panted. She burst out into the courtyard, wearily dodging Miss Hinako's blasts. Unfortunately, Ranma-chan looked back at her pursuer and collided with a tree. Miss Hinako triumphantly raised her coin, ready to give the power-draining of her life.

Ranma-chan fully expected to hear a throaty "HAPPO-100 YEN SATSU" and a dark tunnel with a light at the end of it.

What he heard was this:

"HAPPOOOFF!"

"Happoooff?" She woncered, taking a break from sucking dirt. Isamu, charred and burnt, lay on Miss Hinako's back. He looks happy, she thought as she passed out.

-  
Kasumi closed her door. She had spent the last two hours making peace between her sisters. It wasn't easy, but if she wanted easy she would've forced Dr. Tofu to marry her already.

"So you see Akane," Nabiki whispered conspiratorially. "It's not that I didn't like him. It's just that, well, you know my rep, my business. If people went around and saw that I actually cared about other things other than money and power, then I would lose a lot of face."

"Not to mention yen," Akane smiled, covering her mouth.

"Hey," Nabiki pushed her lightly on the shoulder. "I'm serious here."

"I know," Akane said, crossing her legs and starting to brush her hair.

"Y'know," Nabiki said, imitating her sister. "I would never expected getting advice from you."

"Why's that?"

"Let's just say I know a lot of stuff that you don't."

-  
With the group spirit intact, Nabiki, along with Ranma and Akane, went over to Isamu's after dinner.

"Hey!" He smiled at Nabiki, moving in to kiss her. He hesitated, remembering the last time he tried that. Nabiki smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips as she walked in.

Ranma jabbed him in the ribs, waggling his eyebrows. "You sly dog."

Akane knocked both their heads. "Perverts."

"Yeah, you're part of the group now." Ranma said, rubbing his head. "She would never hit a total stranger like that."

"Dinuguan?" Isamu offered, after a few minutes in the kitchen.

"What is it?" Akane eyed it suspicuously.

"It's Filipino. It's blood soup," he explained.

"Eww, gross!" Akane said, making a face and sticking her tongue out.

"That _is_ disgusting," Nabiki agreed.

"What's _this_ crap?" Ranma pointed at the TV. On the screen, a man with a rubber face was making an absolute fool of himself.

"Jim Carrey. Biggest selling idiot in the world."

"You mean people watch this?"

"Let's see what else is on," he said, flipping through the channels.

/Bora Bora Motors! One pig and two sacks of rice everytime you buy a truck! That's right! One pig and two sacks of rice! Buy today!/

"New Guinea, I think." Isamu said shaking his head.

/NDAY! SUNDAY! MILLER LITE PRESENTS WEINERDOG RACING!/

"U.S. Definitely the U.S." he said, as everyone laughed. Isamu thought a moment. "You know? With all that's been happening around here, I haven't even seen all the rooms yet."

"What do you mean all the rooms?" Akane asked.

"I mean the rooms in this house."

"You mean you don't know your own house?" Ranma said, trying the blood soup, to his surprise, he liked it.

"Yeah, now that I think of it," he said, pursing his lips. "There was a bunch of stuff on my inventory list that I didn't recognize, either."

"Like?" Nabiki asked.

"Like," he said, digging under the living room table for his writing tablet. "Like 'FlytSym'. What's a FlytSym?"

"Dunno." Ranma said, standing up. "Let's go find out."

"C'mon," Isamu said, motioning them to follow. "Let's get a few crowbars from the garage. I bet that stuff is still in crates."

"Who needs a crowbar?" Ranma sniffed. "I'll just smash it open."

"And smash the thing inside too." Akane said, popping him in the head.

"Ow, quit it!"

-  
"Er, um, Isamu?" Nabiki said tentatively.

"Uh-huh?"

"What's that?"

"I think it's a Jag."

"Ok," Nabiki said, running her hands on its sleek surface. "What's it doing in your garage?"

"I think it's his," Akane whispered.

"How do you figure that?" Asked Ranma.

Akane pointed at the license plate. It said: HENTAII.

"BWHAHAHAHA!" Ranma burst out. Isamu looked at him irritatedly. He opened the unlocked door and peered inside. There was a key, and a letter.

"What does it say?" Nabiki said from inside the car. She peered into the glove compartment, the smell of new car overpowering her senses.

"It says, 'Dear son,  
Since we most probably won't be able to make it to your birthday, think of this as an advancedbirthday present. We know the hardships of moving and although we love you, we know you're not very quick on the uptake either. We figured it would be several days before you'd find this.  
See? I told you there was a reason I wanted you to get a license. You did get one didn't you? Ah, well. Happy birthday son!

Love,

Mama and Papa'"

"You don't have a license yet, do you?" Ranma asked, getting into the car.

"Nuh-uh. I have a temporary one. Got it a few hours before I met Nabiki."

"I don't think a spin around the block would do much harm," he smiled as they piled in.

-  
"AHHHH! We're gonna die!" Ranma shouted ducking under the backseat.

"You're overreacting," Isamu said, sweating, swerving into a parking lot. "I'm pretty sure there was a lot of inches between that car and me."

"Isamu," Nabiki who was riding shotgun, grabbed his arm. "Let's try this again. Where are you?"

"Japan."

"Right. And which side of the road are you suppose to drive in Japan?"

"The ri-"

"THE LEFT! THE LEFT!" They all screamed at him.

"Ok, ok," He said, shrinking. "Geez, a few near head-on collisions and you think I don't know how to drive."

-  
There is a cliff. This cliff overlooks the city. There are many cliffs like this all over the world. With the city lights blinking at them below, some people decide to connect with each other. This cliff has many names. In all languages, in all dialects, it boils down to MakeOut Point. This cliff is particularly powerful. Able to melt the most frigid hearts in seconds.

"I've faced monsters," Ranma said, leaning over the edge, his heart racing like a jackhammer. "I've faced kidnapping martial arts island princes. I've never,_ever_been as scared as I am now."

Isamu sat on the hood of the car, breathing deeply. "We're all still alive aren't we?"

"One of us might change that," Nabiki wiped the sweat from her brow.

Unfortunately, it has absolutely no effect on four of martial artists on an adrenaline rush.

"Akane?" Ranma said, as Akane stood transfixed.

"It's beautiful," she said simply.

They all gazed out. The city's lights blinked at them, as if trying to imitate the stars above. All talking ceased as they sat down on the grass and enjoyed the scenery in silence.

Ok, some effect.

================================= ==THURSDAY- A Prelude to a Kiss== ================================= There was a field. It wasn't a very pleasant one, but at least it was there.

There is a crater. A big one. It squats where the field used to be.

There is a man. Or is he? He stands in the middle of the crater, magic and physics bend to his will, swirling around him. He turns the air around him into diamonds with less than a thought. He floats out of the crater, the rocks turning molten where he stood. The bodies of his opponents were strewn around the blast field.

Mousse.  
Kuno.  
Ryoga.

They were never powerful enough. He looked at their bodies contemptuously, his mere glare disintegrating them, scattering them to the four winds. He floated a little farther, the air sizzling with his power, to the bodies of the last to fall to his might. At first, he did not know who they were. A mere thought let him shuffle through their decaying grey matter for the information he needed.

Twister. A powerful foe. Considering he lasted a minute.  
Shuriken. A martial artist. Not worthy of his full might.  
Crys. Not as powerful as Twister.  
Teneme. Another martial artist.  
Rei. A ninja. A formidable one.  
Ed. The man laughed as he remembered Ed burning, spouting 'This wasn't supposed to happen...' A more depressing creature the man has never met.

The man floated away. His prize awaited.

She sat on the crest of a hill, legs tucked under her, her kimono pristine.  
She smiled beguilingly at him and said:

"ISAMU! COME ON! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE AGAIN!"

Isamu blinked. He shot up from his bed and frantically got dressed. "*Why the hell am I having these dreams?" He said, trying to brush his teeth and pull on some pants at the same time. "I don't even know those people.*"

-  
In a place that was neither here nor there, in a time that can't be, Dream of the Endless walked away. %HE NEEDED THAT%

-  
After school, the four lounged around Isamu's house. Again. The cd player was blasting Elastica as they all headed upstairs. Isamu had a lot of stuff, most of them still in bags and crates. With the help of Ranma and the Tendo sisters, Isamu bagan unpacking his junk.

"Gee, you think you have enough games?" Nabiki said as Ranma and Isamu unpacked his game systems.

"I was bored a lot, ok?" He said, tossing a foam packing ball at her.

"What's in this one?" Akane pointed at a large box.

"Dunno," Isamu said, crossing the room quickly as Nabiki tossed some packing balls at him.

"Ooh, cool! I thought I forgot these!" Isamu said, holding a large pistol up.

"Whoa! Watch it!" Ranma ducked.

"Huh? Oh, don't worry." He said lifting a few more out of the box. "Harmless laser guns. Y'know, for wargames. Laser Tag and all that."

"Huh," Akane hefted it up. "Never played it before."

"The armors have to be around here somewhere," Isamu said, opening a box full of comic books. "Nope, that's not it. Aha!" He smiled pulling out some hard, plastic breast plates. A few minutes later, they were all suited up. Helmets and breastplates, knee and elbow pads too. Isamu connected each gun to the the plug located in the lower half of the owner's breastplate.

"Me and Nabiki versus you and Ranma?" Isamu asked, connecting Akane's gun to her plug.

"How about guys versus girls?" Ranma asked, spinning his pistol.

"Because it wouldn't be any fun if we beat you too easy." Nabiki said, sighting her gun.

"Ok," Isamu said, pointing to the LED displays on their guns. "This is your ammo, this is shots fired, this is how many times you've been hit, and this will tell you after the game how many points you've scored."

They agreed to stalk each other starting from each side of the house. Isamu and Nabiki started near the front door and Akane and Ranma at the back. Isamu turned off the lights, signaling the start of the game.

"Nabiki?" Isamu whispered as they crept forward. Their weapons gleamed dimly in the darkness.

"Mm-hmm?"

"Um, it's Friday tomorrow and um, y'know, you told me to er, ask you out so, um, y'know..." He trailed off, tripping on some wires along the way. The cd changer switched from Elastica to The Crow Soundtrack. A hard techno beat started pumping through the house.

"Gods," Nabiki groaned. Isamu could see that she was rolling her eyes in the darkness. "Is this how you ask all girls out?"

Isamu blushed a little, this didn't escape Nabiki's sharp eyes. "Yes?" He asked tentatively.

"Yeah, ok." Nabiki smiled. "Tomorrow, pick me up at about eight, ok?"

"Cool."

"Now let's go get'em!" Nabiki grinned wolfishly, creeping ahead of him.

"Now_that_ is a remarkable woman." He muttered to himself.

-  
Dear Mr. Masters,

The day is approaching. He is in Nerima. Bring your friend.

Ken smiled. He got on the phone and booked a flight to Japan.

-  
Dear Mr. Madrox,

The day is approaching. He is in Nerima. Bring your friend.

Jamie smiled. "Hey! You-"

"-think we-" said Jamie, walking into the living room.

"-should-" said Jamie, getting up from the floor.

"-go?" said Jamie, stepping down from the ladder.

Jamie thought. "Why not?" He smiled as the other Jamies smiled back.

"How many friends do you think I should bring?"

-  
In the darkness...

"Uh, Akane?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Y'know, you're kinda... y'know, and um, what I'm trying to say, um..."

"What is it, Ranma?"

"You're kinda stepping on my foot."

"JERK!"

======================================================== ====NEXT: NERIMA AFTER DARK (or Friday I'm in Love)==== ========================================================

-  
AUTHOR'S ENDNOTES -

I generally don't like angst. If I wanted angst I'd stay in reality. This fanfic is an escape from reality for me. And hopefully, for you too. Unfortunately, I told me that there had to be angst somewhere in the story. So if the angst bits were a bit small, that's because I like it that way. It's token angst scenes, y'know, just for some variety.

The end to the plotted parts is near. Mind you, I've decided_not_ to resolve anything Ms. Takahashi refuses to resolve herself. I mean, why make a fool of myself? More that I already have? In fact, there may be more loose threads hanging than when I started.

CAMEOS There's a point to them. I think. Or maybe not.

BTW This fic is set about a year before 'THE MORE THINGS CHANGE'.

THANKS TO:  
Writers like: David Eddings, Piers Anthony, Peter David, Mark Waid, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett. All sprinkle humor shamelessly into their works. From these people I stole with pride. Don't sue me.

RpM: who let's me send my stuff through his account, let's me use his computer and occasionally let's me eat at his house.

BTW If you didn't recognize the characters that the 'godlike' Isamu defeated. Those are characters from other fanfics. Sorry, guys. Hope you didn't mind.

NEXT: The fate of the free world rests on the shoulders of... oh, wait hehehe, wrong fanfic. Nabiki goes out with Isamu! Stuff happens! Be here for Part 4 of 'EIGHT DAYS A WEEK': Friday I'm In Love! Nerima After Dark!

Editor's note: oh, NOW he's acting humble towards Twister, Ed, and the rest of the bunch. Sheesh.

-Rod "I swear it ain't my fault" M.  
\- 


	4. Chapter 4

R1/2 - Nigel M. &amp; RpM-acct2/5 RPM

========================================== RANMA 1/2: Eight Days A Week Story concept: Nigel M.  
written by: Nigel M.  
writer's unblocking by: RpM ========================================== Author's note:

How can Ranma not notice Nabiki? I mean, c'mon! The girl wears super short shorts most of the time!

-  
Did I mention that the Writer is obsessed with Nabiki?

Oh yeah, there's a small treat for all you Soun Tendo fans in the back...

-Editor Rod -

"*This means they're speaking a foreign language. Like English or something.*" Otherwise they're speaking Japanese.

========================== PART IV: NERIMA AFTER DARK ==========================

======================= =FRIDAY (I'm In Love)== =======================

=========== =PHASE 00I= =========== There was darkness. It was familiar, comforting. There was a smell, sharp, acrid. There was a haze, this was also familiar. A light, a blur, a shape. Nabiki. He was in the infirmary. Again.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," Nabiki said, putting away the smelling salts. "What, pray tell, are you doing in a kendo gi?"

Isamu took a moment to do a mental pushup or two. Name: Isamu Hentaii. Occupation: Student.

"You're becoming a regular customer," she frowned, handing him a glass of water.

"There're others?" He asked, sitting up slowly. Various parts of him protesting.

Nabiki pulled back the curtain. On the other side, Ranma was lying face up with a very pained and stunned look. Occasionally, he would mumble "It's not my fault." To no one in particular.

"So what happened?" Nabiki said, sitting across from him. She arranged her skirt demurely. "Some of Kuno's pals came in here grinning like idiots and dumped you on the floor."

"Well," he began sheepishly. "It's like this..."

-  
Mommy has a 'name'. It is Shampoo, 'Nimaii-kun' thought. Mommy told him that he can drop by the ris-too-rant anytime. The flesh thing that was not mommy and had an, in 'Nimaii's' opinion, unusual head was squirming his face really funnily.

'Nimaii-kun' followed the five legged thing with interest. From 'tv' it knew that it was called a 'dog'. 'Nimaii-kun' followed it throughout the night,  
unaware that he was melting into a canine form as well.

-  
Isamu walked, as usual, alone to his History class. He was... he didn't know what he was. Happy, sure. Who wouldn't be? He's gonna go out with Nabiki tonight. Nervous? Sure. He was used to dating in America, but Japan was literally a whole continent away. Alone. That's what was bugging him. He found it very hard to make friends here, he decided, because he did things different ways. That and he couldn't use chopsticks worth anything. It was in this state of mind that he passed by the Kendo Hall.

Kuno, he thought. He may be a jerk, but he sure is popular. Lots of friends. Acquaintances? Isamu had a few back in the States. Isamu reminisced through most of History, taking a moment or two to totally embarrass himself in front of the class. He left the class a bit more dejected than before. It wasn't the 'making a fool of himself' part that got him down. It was the fact that he didn't have anybody to talk to in his classes. He only saw Nabiki and the others during lunch or after class. Isamu, in his senior year, wanted to be known. He wanted to be remembered. He passed by the Kendo Hall again. He stopped, and turned sharply to look at the doors. Ranma bumped into him.

"Watch out, man." Ranma said grumpily. Akane had already smacked him around and he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Ranma," Isamu said, not looking at him. "Tell me something, how long has Kuno been captain of the Kendo Club?"

"His freshman year, I think." Ranma said, scratching his head. "Why?"

"And nobody's ever challenged him?" Isamu asked, still staring at the door.

"Nuh-uh."

"I will," he said determinedly.

"You will?" Ranma asked as Isamu pushed the double doors open.

"Yeah," He said, walking in, Ranma trailing behind him.

"Why?'

"Because... I wanna fit in?" He said uncertainly.

"Huh," Ranma said, thinking it over. "Ok."

-  
"Isamu," Nabiki said as she put away some bandages. "There are a lot better ways to fit in than trying to wrest control of the Kendo club from Kuno."

"Wow," Isamu said, rubbing his bruises. "'Wrest control'. I like the way you said that."

Nabiki glared at him. "What happened next, laughing boy?"

-  
Kuno stood in the middle of a circle of kendo artists. Ranma and Isamu walked in as they attacked him simultaneously. In the blink of an eye, they were disarmed. Kuno was about to make a speech when he spotted them. He made one anyway.

"Foul sorcerers! Whyfor hast thou invaded the inner sacred sanctum of this renowned and legendary training hall? The gall upon which-"

"You know," Isamu whispered nervously to Ranma as Kuno kept on babbling. "Seeing how he pulped those guys, maybe I shouldn't-"

"Oh, what? That? C'mon, you're not letting something like him being better than you stop you from fighting him, are you?" Ranma urged as he pushed Isamu forward. "Go ahead, challenge him. Live up to your name."

"Hentaii?" Isamu asked, furrowing his brow.

"The other one," Ranma said angrily, shoving him right in Kuno's face.

Isamu thought about it. He wanted to fit in. No, he admitted to himself, he wanted to be popular. This was the fastest way to do it. Take the Kendo Club away from Kuno. He took a deep breath.

"-furthermore, you further emphasize your uncouthliness by whispering while the great Tatewaki Kuno speaks!" Kuno finished. He noticed that Isamu had not answered back. "Truly am I great that-"

"I am the terror, that flaps in the night!" Isamu said dramatically. "I am the annoying little voice in the back of your head! I am the barber who always gives you bad haircuts! I am Isamu Hentaii! And I challenge you for control over the Kendo Club!" He hoped he could hide the tremor in his voice.

Kuno looked him steadily in the eye. "Control over the Kendo Club? So be it." He snapped his fingers and one of the students tossed Isamu a weapon. "There are gis in the back," Kuno said, pointing with his bokken.

"Full contact," said Kuno as Isamu emerged from the locker. "For you must be given every and all opportunities to unseat me."

"Whatever," Isamu smiled confidently as they bowed to each other. He was having severe doubts about this whole thing. This could have been a stupid idea. The only times he fought Kuno he won by luck and cheating. His bag of tricks was at home. His gi wasn't helping either.

"Why are these gis so itchy?" Isamu muttered.

-  
Isamu frowned, rubbing his chin.

"Why'd you stop?" Nabiki asked.

"I don't remember what happened next," Isamu said. "I think I lost."

"Pfff! Lost?" Ranma smirked, tossing out of his bed. "I'll tell you what happened next."

-  
Ranma sat down with the other kendoists, settling in to watch the match. "Hey! Sato!" Ranma called as he saw an approaching figure. "Didn't know you were in the club."

"Hey, Saotome," Sato greeted, squatting beside him. "What's happening here? Is that your friend?"

"Yeah," Ranma nodded. "He wants to be Kendo Club captain ."

"So he challenged Kuno?" Sato scratched his head. "Why didn't he wait until next week?"

"Why next week?" Ranma asked as Kuno rattled off another speech.

"It's club elections next week," Sato shrugged. "He should've just run against Kuno."

"Club elections?" Ranma said, putting his hand behind his head. "Oh, yeah!" He laughed.

-  
"Oh, yeah? Whaddayou mean 'Oh, yeah'?" Isamu groaned. "You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I totally forgot about it." Ranma shrugged as Nabiki smirked.

-  
"Full contact. For you must be given every and all opportunities to unseat me."

"Whatever."

Ranma watched as they bowed to each other. Kuno immediately broke into a run, savagely slashing downwards shouting, "THIS IS THE VENGEANCE OF HEAVEN, FOOL!"

Isamu grinned triumphantly as he hit aside Kuno's bokken and swung mightily.

*WHACKITYWACKITYWACKITYWHACKKK*  
*WHACKITYWACKITYWACKITYWHACKKK*  
*WHACKITYWACKITYWACKITYWHACKKK*  
*WHACKITYWACKITYWACKITYWHACKKK*

-  
"And?" Nabiki asked.

"And Kuno recovered, deflected his shot and hit him. Hard. Lots of times." Grinned Ranma, clearly enjoying himself.

Isamu muttered some choice oaths in English.

"So why were you unconscious?" Nabiki asked, never missing a beat.

-  
Kuno stood alone in front of a few training dummies. He smiled as he remembered the heavenly beating he gave the sorcerer Hentai. The vengeance of the Kuno family is truly a sight to behold! Kuno moved, slashing quickly.

"Your turn, Saotome." He walked away as flurries of straw streamed from what was left of the dummies.

-  
"Well that was painful," said Ranma, walking home with Isamu. "Akane said you and Nabiki got a date tonight."

"Yeah," Isamu replied nervously.

"Nervous?"

"Is it that obvious?" Isamu said, a worried look crossing his face.

"I know I would be."

Isamu sighed. "I never got this dating thing right in the States."

"No?"

"Noooo," Isamu laughed. "I could tell you stories, but since I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day, I won't."

"Huh," Ranma kicked a stone high into the air.

"Hey, I got an idea," Isamu said, turning sharply to Ranma. "How about a double-date?"

"With who?" Said Ranma, his head snapping up.

"You and Akane, man!" Isamu said excitedly. "Oh, this is perfect! You can cover for me if I do anything too stupid and-"

"No way!" Ranma shouted. "Me and that tomboy?"

"I thought you were engaged," Isamu said, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"It's our stupid parents' fault! We ain't got nothin' in common! We fight all the time!"

Isamu's eyes widened in realization. "You've never been out with her?!"

"No!"

"But you're engaged!"

"She hates me!"

"But you're engaged!"

"She's uncute!"

"But you're engaged!"

"I ain't got time for dating!"

"But you're engaged!"

"Stop saying that!"

"I don't understand this!" Isamu said, frustrated. "She's gorgeous! She's sweet! She can cook! Are you ok?"

Ranma picked himself off the road. "Cook? Hah!" Ranma muttered. "Yeah fine!" He said out loud.

"But this is perfect! don't you see? We go out on a first date, you go out on a first date." He pointed out logically.

"The first thing goes wrong and I'm a splotch in the wall," Ranma pointed out with the voice of experience.

"Haven't you heard of safety in numbers?"

"Never worked for me before, don't see how it'll help me now."

"Ok, that's it," Isamu said, rolling up his sleeves determinedly. "I can be very persuasive when I want to."

-  
"Please?" Isamu pleaded to a stony faced Ranma.

"No!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

-  
"Tendo," Genma nodded solemnly. "Ranma and Akane still aren't getting along as we hoped."

"Hm," Soun agreed. "It's time to set it in motion."

Soun and Genma stood up dramatically and shouted, "Operation: True Romance!"

"Wait," Genma scratched after a while. "We already had that."

"Oh? Did it work?"

"No."

"Then this will be Operation: True Romance Revised!"

There was a strangled noise just inside the door. Ranma and Isamu lurked slowly back into the living room.

"Ok," Isamu nudged. "It's either you take your chances with me, or you wait for Operation: True Romance Revised."

Ranma thought long and hard. Whatever those two cooked up always, _always_ ended in disaster. On the other hand, is it better to deal with the devil you know? But if this... and if... and what about... Ranma's brain hurt from trying to think of a way out. He couldn't find any. Maybe going out with Akane wouldn't be too bad?

"Damn! All right!" He burst. "But I'm sending you all my hospital bills!"

"All right!" Isamu shouted, tossing a fist in the air.

"You're forgetting one thing," Ranma said, in tones that made Isamu hesitate. "Now you gotta ask Akane."

"Me? Oh no, _you're_ asking Akane!"

"No way! I ain't asking-"

"Well I know I'm not-"

"If you think for one second-"

"You're going out with her. You ask her. It' s either that or Operation True Romance Revised."

"Let's settle this like men then," said Ranma, rolling up his sleeves.

"Fine!" Isamu growled, cracking his knuckles. "One..."

"Two..." said Ranma, thrusting his fist back.

"THREE!" They shouted, swinging their fists together.

"Damn!" Ranma said, stomping. "I always lose in Junken Pow!"

Isamu smiled as Ranma reluctantly readied himself for the task ahead. "I'll leave you to it then. And ask her _nicely_" Said Isamu, walking away smugly. Ranma hit him over the head with a bucket.

"Jerk," Ranma told him, walking into the house.

-  
"So Nabiki," Akane said, walking into her sister's room. The sun's setting light streamed diffusely through the curtains. "Where do you think he'll take you?"

"I don't know," Nabiki said, idly brushing her hair. "I don't expect much from this date. You know, dinner, a movie, goodnight kiss."

"Nothing special, huh?" Akane shuffled her feet. How come Ranma never asked her out? The jerk. She didn't want to go out with him anyway.

"Akane?" A voice called uncertainly. The sisters turned to each other.

"She's in here!" Nabiki called back. "What does he want?" Nabiki asked her sister.

Akane shrugged. She's never heard him like that before. Ranma popped his head into the room.

"Hi! ehehehe! Um, listen," Ranma started, facing Akane. Nabiki sat up. He never talked like this unless he was going to do something he didn't want to. Ranma looked at Nabiki, thought about asking to talk to Akane alone, and thought better of it. "Akane," he tried. "Would you, um, that is, jeez," Ranma took several deep breaths. "Wannagooutonadate?"

-  
"So, are we in agreement?" Soun asked, looking up from the complicated diagrams and handwritten notes in front of him.

"Yes," Genma nodded. "This should work."

"And if this doesn't work," Soun grinned, waving a sheaf of papers.

"There's always Plan B," Genma grinned, tapping his head. "Let's go get the kids."

-  
Akane's head snapped up, Nabiki smiled. "Took you long enough," Nabiki said, putting the brush away.

Akane's mouth opened and shut. Ranma just asked her out. "Um..."

Nabiki watched their wild-eyed expressions and rolled her eyes. "That means 'Yes Ranma, I would be delighted to.'"

Ranma's mouth was opened and shut. He couldn't believe he just asked her out. It was one thing to think it, but to actually do it... "Um..."

Nabiki sighed and sat up. "Just so this doesn't take forever," she said, looking levelly at the two. "Let me handle this."

This had the desired effect. Whenever Nabiki handled something, it usually got Ranma hurt. Bad. "No!" Ranma said. "I mean, no thank you. Akane," he said, turning to Akane. "Isamu had a great idea."

"Like taking his car out for a spin?" Nabiki asked flippantly. "Or that basketball game? Or fighting Kuno? Or-"

Ranma soldiered on, hearing the footsteps of the oncoming fathers. "He said we could double date with him and Nabiki."

Nabiki shrugged. "The more the merrier. As long as you two don't spoil my date."

Akane gained some semblance of her old self. "Hey! _I_ haven't agreed to any-"

She was cut off in mid sentence as Ranma urgently whispered in her ear. "Listen! Our dads are planning something to 'bring us together'. You know what that means. This way, it'll take the heat off both of us for a while. Besides, it's Isamu's idea. Do you really think I'd want to go out with a tomboy like you?"

Ranma stepped back as Akane reared back. The door flew open, smacking him in the back, knocking him into Akane. Ranma hung onto Akane tightly. This was the moment Soun and Genma chose to open the door. Soun's eyes immediately started watering as Genma adjusted his glasses grinning wildly.

"Looks like we don't need Plan A after all," Soun wept.

Akane knocked Ranma out the window and into the pond. Nabiki walked out of her room as her dad and Ranma's started gushing all over Akane. "This'll be an interesting date," she mused, whistling tunelessly.

-  
Kasumi saw everything. From Isamu's pleading to Ranma's swim.

"That'll be an interesting date," she smiled as she prepared dinner.

-  
"That'll be an interesting date," said Sasuke as he leaped from tree to tree towards the Kuno Mansion. He was certain his master and mistress would make it even more interesting.

-  
P-chan walked down the hall towards what he thought was Akane's room. It's been a fairly long while since he'd been here. Suddenly, the ground fell away from him as his view was filled with Akane's bosom.

"Hello, P-chan!" Akane beamed. P-chan squealed happily.

"Guess what? Ranma asked me out on a date," she said, rubbing his head gently.

P-chan choked on his squeal. His porky face went red with anger. He squirmed out of Akane's grasp and went out on a search for hot water.

"Yeah, Isamu got him to do it," Nabiki told Kasumi. "I don't know how, but he did. There's no way Ranma would have done it on his own."

Kasumi nodded politely, not letting on that she knows. "I'm sure you'll have lots of fun."

P-chan stomped away angrily. First he takes care of Ranma, then this Isamu.

=========== =PHASE 0II= =========== Isamu looked in the mirror nervously. This was the seventh shirt he'd tried on. He was thinking of what to do on this date. He was hoping Ranma would be able to cover any faux pas he would make. Now that he thinks about it, and judging from Ranma's reaction, it could have been a bad idea. Isamu shook his head. "*Why don't they just admit that they like each other?*" He said out loud. Maybe it's another one of those Japanese things. He hoped Nabiki doesn't mind the company. He fumbled with his shirt a little and put some fresh bandages on his bruises. Satisfied, he sat down and tried to watched a little basketball.

-  
Ranma was not nervous. He was beyond nervous. His dad wasn't helping. He was actually going to go on a date with Akane. Somehow, he admitted to himself, he was looking forward to this.

"-to carry on the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts!" Genma grinned idiotically.

"It's just a date, Pop!" Ranma said, smoothing his shirt.

"Nevertheless," Genma said, handing him a small object. "Here. You never know when you'll need it."

"Pop!" Ranma said, batting his dad's hand away.

"Take it!" Ordered Genma. Ranma snatched the object and put it in his pocket.

"Fine, fine!" He said walking out the room. "I don't see why I'm gonna need this thing," he grumbled. "I mean, It's Akane."

Genma watched his son go out their door. "Foolish boy! You should always carry the 'Saotome Anything Goes School Guide for Making Women Fall in Love With You' pocket edition on a date!" He said to no one in particular.

-  
Nabiki was the picture of cool. Cool as ice. The Icewoman. Cool. Of course, inside is a different story. Nabiki was just a tad nervous about this date. She liked him. She was getting used to the idea of letting other people know that she did. She turned, looking at herself in the mirror at a different angle. He was a bit more open about his feelings. Maybe it's a guy thing. But judging from Ranma, maybe not. Nabiki didn't know what to expect on this date. Japanese he may be, but American he definitely is. Although he does try, she smiled, fondling the necklace he gave her. Oh well, what will be, will be.

-  
"What about this one?"

"Isn't it just a little bit too frilly?" Akane asked her sister. Kasumi looked critically at the one she was holding.

"You're right," said Kasumi. "Oh! That's perfect!" She said, looking up.

"You think so?" Akane turned uncertainly in front of the mirror.

"Oh yeah," Nabiki chimed, entering the room. "I love it. Especially since it's mine."

Akane blushed a bit. "I didn't think you'd mind."

Nabiki smiled. "I don't. Honestly Akane, it looks wonderful on you." She said, sitting down. "I might even let you keep it."

"For a fee," they all said together. Kasumi smiled as her sisters emitted peals of laughter.

"It's almost eight," she said, standing up. "He should be coming any minute."

-  
Soun Tendo was crying. He had at least a hundred and fifty different ways of doing so, running the whole gamut of human emotion. This was a no. 34: Weeping for Joy.

"My babies!" He wept as they emerged from Akane's room. "Both- both so grown up! You look beautiful! Don't they look beautiful Saotome?"

"Indeed Tendo!" Genma agreed. "As the saying goes, 'beautiful ladies bear wonderful babies!'" He was about to say something else, but Ranma threw him into the pond before he said it.

"Shut up, old man!" Ranma grumbled.

Soun switched to no. 22 (I'm Gonna Be a Grandpa!), wailed and hugged all his daughters.

-  
Isamu parked in front of the dojo. He spent a few minutes trying to calm himself, but that didn't work so he got out and knocked on the gate.

-  
Genma sloshed out of the pond, raising a sign that said, [I'll get it].

There was a shriek and a crash. The Tendos and Ranma rushed out to find Genma-panda with his sign around his head and a jittery-looking Isamu.

"Panda..." Isamu wheezed, his heart racing.

"Yo, Pops," said Ranma, tapping his father's furry cheek. "You ok? Pop?"

"Pop?" Isamu wheezed, then slapped his head. "Oh, that's right! Nabiki told me about that!" He cried as he started to help up the gigantic panda. "Are you all right? I'm very sorry, sir."

"He's fine, just fine." Said Soun, pushing the four out the door. "Now you just have fun. Bye-bye!"

"Be careful!" Kasumi called as the gate closed with an apocalyptic bang.

=========== =PHASE III= =========== After a brief discussion about driving in Japan, they all got in the car. Akane and Ranma shared the backseat as Nabiki took shotgun.

"So," Isamu said nervously. "What do you want to do?"

"How about dinner first?" Nabiki suggested.

"Is that ok with you guys?" Isamu asked, looking in the rear view mirror.

Ranma and Akane sat nervously in the backseat. Akane apparently had great interest in the view out the window while Ranma conducted a study on his fingernails.

"Sure," Ranma said, looking up. "Akane?"

"Huh?" She said distractedly. "Oh, sure. Dinner."

"Any suggestions as to where?" Isamu asked.

"Well, there's that place we almost crashed into uh.. Wednesday? Or was that yesterday?" Ranma said uncertainly.

"Which one? We almost crashed into a lot of places," Nabiki smirked.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Isamu protested. "I'm sorry!"

Akane laughed. The tension in the air lessened noticeably. "How about the one where that one lady screamed 'Joy riding delinquents!'" She added.

"I think that was Ma Maison," Nabiki added.

"Oh! _That_ one!" Isamu laughed. "Ok, I think I know what you're talking about. Next stop: Ma Maison."

-  
By the time that the four entered the restaurant, the initial nervousness was almost gone. Nabiki was surprised at just how well Ranma and Akane were getting along. It must be the lack of pressure, she thought. They ordered, chatting away while waiting for their food to arrive. They sat at a round table, Ranma, Akane, Isamu, and Nabiki, in that order.

"I remember this guy," said Akane. "I was about 15. He thought he was the cutest thing in the world. It was so annoying"

"Who?" Nabiki asked. "I don't remember this."

"C'mon," Akane teased. "You even went out with him once."

"Oh!" Nabiki smiled. "D.S. right?"

"Right!" Akane laughed.

"Oh yeah," Nabiki said, sipping her tea. "The man thought he was perfect. He was cute though."

"Is this suppose to make us feel better?" Ranma asked. "Talking about other guys?"

"Don't be so sensitive," Nabiki retorted. "How about you Isamu? Past girlfriend problems?"

"Hey!" He said defensively. "We're on a date here!"

"Oh?" She said, sidling up to him, her face inches from his. Nabiki expected him to shy away, them being in public and all. But Isamu gave her a quick peck on the lips, making her pull away.

"Hah!" Ranma laughed. "He called you're bluff Nabiki."

"Shut up Ranma," Nabiki said, reddening slightly.

Akane grinned. She was having fun. For once, nothing bad seemed to be going wrong.

-  
Tatewaki Kuno was not amused. How dare Saotome date with Akane Tendo? He ran on, the power of love fueling his feet. Hentai must have added his dark sorcery to Saotome's, enabling them to bend Akane to Saotome's lecherous will. No matter. Sasuke had already appraised him of their location, and Tatewaki Kuno shall soon sort out these villains.

-  
Kodachi ran on, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. She could see her brother galloping slightly ahead of her on the ground. "That wicked girl!" She fumed. "How dare she date with my Ranma darling?" She screamed into the warm night air. "Akane Tendo, for this you shall pay! OHHOHOHOHOHO!"

In the distance, a wolf choked on his howl, frightened by maniacal laughter.

-  
"RANMA GO WHERE?!"

"Ranma is out with Akane," Kasumi said helpfully to Shampoo. "They went out about twenty minutes ago."

Shampoo seethed. "Ok, Shampoo see you later," she said as she cycled off into the night.

-  
There was a rustling, as of a fox trapped in a bush. Mousse emerged from the hedges, his afro swaying in the breeze. Abhorrent though it may be, he thought. It sure makes good camouflage. He turned around and took off after Shampoo, jumping up to the rooftops to pace her. First, stealing his Shampoo, then giving him this afro. Saotome will die.

-  
Ryoga ran. By pure coincidence he saw Akane looking out the window of a car. She looked nervous, as if she had been terribly wronged. Then he saw Ranma. He chased the car for a few blocks before he lost it. He had already smashed two or three identical cars trying to find her. He skidded to a halt. There she was! Nervously walking into a restaurant with Ranma, Nabiki and the foreigner. Ryoga's eyes glowed red.

-  
Ranmaru Suzuka hunkered down into his jacket. He had been sent, grudgingly, to guard this Hentaii person by his higher-ups in U.W.S.M.A.

"Guard this boy," they said, as they faxed him a photo. "We will update you on his whereabouts in the usual manner."

-  
A world away, a spy reported.

"It is done, sir." He said, bowing deeply.

"Good," said the man and woman hidden in the shadows. "Our son's date must be perfect."

-  
The inside of the restaurant dimmed automatically at nine o'clock. The lights set in the middle of their table flared into life, casting a soft glow on the four. They had been getting along surprisingly well.

"Cool," said Ranma. He glanced over at Akane, who smiled at him warmly.

"How's your order?" Akane asked, making small talk.

"It's kinda dry, but otherwise it's great," he replied. He looked at Akane's plate. Ranma tried to think of something to say.

"Why ain'tcha eating? Normally you eat three times as much as this," said Ranma, with all the delicacy of a mack truck.

Isamu swiveled his head sharply, abruptly cutting off what he was about to say to Nabiki. Before Akane slammed Ranma into the ground, he grabbed Ranma and hastily excused both of them.

Nabiki sipped her tea and sighed. Ranma and Akane where going along so well before that, she thought. Of course there's nothing Ranma doesn't like better than the taste of his own foot. She watched as Akane stabbed her fork viciously into her veal.

"Relax, little sister."

"Relax?" Akane bristled, waving her knife around. "He basically told me I eat like a pig!"

"Akane," Nabiki soothed, gently taking away Akane's knife and discreetly moving all sharp objects away from her. "Aren't you used to it by now? He always says things that he doesn't really mean." Nabiki sighed. "If you both would stop being so pigheaded, you'd get along better."

-  
Isamu dragged Ranma into the corner where telephones were. Ranma jerked his arm away and looked at him crossly.

"What?"

"What the hell was that?" Isamu burst. "Do you think before you say something?"

"Ahh," Ranma said dismissively. So what if he said she ate a lot? It was true wasn't it? Ranma Saotome is never wrong.

"Rude, yet tactless," Isamu said. "At least don't ruin it for Nabiki and me. We're doing fine."

-  
Isamu and Ranma returned to the table. Akane looked mad, Ranma thought. But also a little hurt. Was she-? He didn't really mean it. Isamu looked at Nabiki who directed his attention to his companion. Ranma looked like he realized he had done something wrong.

"Excuse us," Nabiki said, standing up as Ranma sat down. She hooked Isamu's arm and started walking away. "We need to talk for a sec."

-  
"I need back up!" Ranmaru yelled into his cellular. "I swear, either this kid's got a _wonderful_ personality or this restaurant has a lot of dissatisfied customers."

Ranmaru wished he could slam a cellular. The best he could do was switch it off angrily. The idiot with the wooden sword was good. Lucky for me I've got a taser built into my phone, he thought.

"Aha! So there you are! For hurting my brother dear, you shall pay!" Kodachi shouted, whipping her ribbon lazily in the air.

Ranmaru froze as she emitted a bloodcurdling laugh and attacked.

-  
Akane and Ranma sat for ten minutes in silence. Akane was cutting her meal into little shredded pieces as Ranma inspected every inch of the ceiling.

"He'll never apologize," Isamu groaned, peering from behind a potted plant.

"No, I don't think so either," Nabiki nodded in agreement.

"How's the date going?" He asked, turning away from Akane and Ranma for a moment.

"Huh?"

"Ours, I mean."

"Well," Nabiki started. "The company's a little on the stiff side, but the food is nice."

He smiled at her. "Do you know they call you the Ice Queen? Right now I see why."

"Moi?" She said, an expression of mock innocence settled on her face.

"Oh, please," Isamu rolled his eyes. "Innocence doesn't become you."

She hit him in the arm, then hushed him. "Wait, I think they're about to talk."

"He looks meek enough," Isamu said after awhile. "I bet he's gonna apologize."

"I'll take you up on that bet."

-  
"Are (duck) you (dodge) _sure_ EEP! that you've YOW! never heard of us?" Ranmaru said as he was pelted by numerous gymnastic assault projectiles.

"No!" Kodachi shouted, unleashing another barrage of clubs. Ranmaru ducked behind a trash bin. His reinforcements had come. Unfortunately, she had taken care of most of them already. Her clubs had knocked ten U.W.S. down in as many minutes. Only him, Shinobi from Kitchen U's, Wataru from Menswear, And a strange metallic midget who looked like he was from armor division were left. He readied his weapon, extending the phone antenna to its full length. He took a couple of deep breaths, waited for a pause in her attack, and ran away.

-  
Ranmaru called for backup.

The UWSMA database spilled out all currently available agents on the field and gave their orders. They had valiantly charged to the scene and fought the good fight.

However, there was one more. Maybe she was late (stupid bus). Maybe she got lost trying to get there (stupid lousy directions from the home office).  
But they deemed her worthy to enter the fray and she heeded the call.

She arrived at the scene of the battle, surprised at the many other fellow UWSMA members who were knocked out. Fuji from the Automotive branch, Eiji from the Gardening division, and many others, all taken out of the fight.

There was a noise. She looked around to see a boy in Chinese garb streaking across the rooftops. But that wasn't what she was focusing on.

It was big. It was bushy.

It was the biggest afro she'd ever seen in her life.

Kyoko Muhoshin, age 11, of the Hair Care division of the UWSMA, grinned maniacally, whipped out her titanic shears, and charged...

-  
Where _are_ those two?

Ranma's hands were sweating. He found that he had run out of other things to look at and was forced to look at her. Akane was still giving him dagger looks, but there was a hurt look behind it too.

"Akane," he said nervously. She responded by throwing her knife at him.

"Hey!" Ranma shouted, just barely catching the blade.

"It wouldn't have broken through your fat head anyway," said Akane, crossing her arms.

Ranma glared at her and was about to say something very stupid when Nabiki and Isamu came back.

"I don't believe you two," Nabiki said exasparated. "Aren't you tired of fighting?"

Isamu decided to hang back. This looked like a family kind of thing.

"No!" Ranma growled. "I don't care about her anyway!"

"Ranma," Nabiki said smiling. "You fool. You just gave yourself away. No one was talking about you caring about her."

Ranma glared at her. "I was just saying that I don't."

"Oh, you don't?" Asked Nabiki.

"No I don't!" Ranma said, crossing his arms.

"Who cares?" Akane said, uncrossing hers. "I don't care about him either."

"That's good, because I don't care about you."

"You already said that!" Akane said.

"So you don't mind if I do this?" Isamu said suddenly, pressing up to Akane and kissing her full in the mouth.

-  
There was a darkness. Unfamiliar and disconcerting. Mousse woke up.

"Where-?"

"It didn't work Mr. Mousse," Kyoko pouted.

What didn't? Mousse wondered. Memory flooded back. He met her on the rooftop. She was carrying the biggest pair of shears he had ever seen a 11-year old wield. She told him that she was part of some unorthodox martial arts school. After the initial mixup, they got along quite well. All he was interested in was her willingness to chop his hair off. All she was interested in was his willingness to let her chop his hair off.

"I tried everything!" Kyoko stomped. "Your stupid hair broke my favorite pair of scissors!"

Mousse looked around. Pieces of a gigantic pair of scissors, and an electric razor the size of a lawnmower lay about.

"What knocked me out?" He asked.

"This," she replied, lifting a gigantic pearl-handed razor. there was an afro-shaped dent in the blade.

-  
Ranma's reaction was immediate. Isamu was sent sprawling across the room, landing on his head. Ranma ran quickly up to him and whacked him hard for good measure. Isamu's head lolled as Ranma hefted him up into the air.

"Jerk! Whatcha do that for?" He shouted angrily as restaurant patrons scattered about.

"Not... the actions... of a man... who doesn't... care about a girl... eh?" Isamu grinned, his mouth bloody.

Akane and Nabiki were transfixed by the scene. Akane was in shock. Isamu kissed her! But that wasn't the shocking part. The ferocity that Ranma showed was. Does he... does he really care? Nabiki was shocked. Part of her mind was applauding the ingenuity of his action while the other half was seething mad about him kissing his sister. They watched as Ranma slowly dropped him on the floor. He looked around, a lot of people saw what he did. Murmurs of "Noisy kids", "I would've punched him too", "The guy on the ground's right!","He really does care", "That didn't look like a very good kiss", and "Pass the ketchup. By the way, Ranma should've kicked that guy around a bit more" filtered across the room.

Isamu wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve as the manager started approaching them. "Well?" He asked as he tossed his wallet to the manager. "Pick a card," he told the bewildered manager and turned back to Ranma.

"I... all right. I care."

"Don't tell me, man," he said, patting Ranma's shoulder and pointing towards Akane. Ranma shrugged off his arm. "Tell her."

Ranma walked slowly towards Akane. Nabiki stepped away from her sister and walked towards her date. He was rubbing a tall glass of ice to the corner of his mouth. She elbowed him in the ribs, hard. "We'll talk. Later." She said, in a tone that made the bartender behind Isamu grunt in sympathy.

"Akane?" Ranma said, shuffling his feet nervously.

"I could've taken care of him myself," Akane said, looking at him defiantly.

"Wh- after what I did you-? Fine!" Ranma yelled, then stopped. He sighed. "I'm tired of this Akane."

"So am I," Akane whispered.

"So what do we do?"

"Not much," she said, barely above a whisper. "We're engaged."

"Is that so bad?!" Nabiki yelled from where she stood, startling the whole eavesdropping crowd.

They both glared at her.

"I... I guess not." She smiled at him. They both looked over to where Isamu and Nabiki were. Nabiki gave them the victory sign, while Isamu continued icing his mouth.

-  
Ranmaru groaned. He knew that there were over 200 bones in the body. Right now he was in direct communication with most of them. They finally subdued Kodachi and were trying to decide what to with her. Wataru suggested that they just leave her trussed up in her own ribbons, but somehow Ranmaru felt that that would make her hunt them down once she got out.

"I'm telling you," the metallic midget hissed. "I am a laboratory mouse in a robotic martial arts armor here to take over the world!" In halting Japanese.

"Yeah, yeah," Wataru waved him off dismissively. "But how do you suggest we deal with her?"

-  
Ryoga didn't think he could get lost crossing the street, but he managed to do it anyway. The time spent lost didn't help his already not-so-sunny disposition. He was about to charge into the restaurant when he spotted four men who had Kodachi tied up. Various other men and a large amount of junk was strewn as he was scared of her, Ryoga didn't think the men were up to any good. All right, he thought to himself. First these guys, then Ranma, then the foreigner.

-  
"Oh, shoot!" Ranmaru groaned as they avoided this newcomer's attack, he also spotted the sword guy groggily getting up. He was asking for overtime pay for this.

-  
Isamu came out of the restaurant last, nursing a swollen lip.

"Hey, isn't that Ryoga?" Akane asked, peering at the fighting figures. "And Kuno?"

"And that's definitely Kodachi," Ranma shivered as maniacal laughter filled the air. "Think we should help?"

They all looked at each other.

"Nah," said Nabiki, heading for the car.

-  
"So what do we do now?" Isamu asked as he got onto the freeway.

"Just drive," said Nabiki a little grouchily, rolling down the window. She watched as the guy driving in the next lane smiled at her.

"What about you, Akane?" Isamu asked trying to mend fences. "Any suggestions?"

"I'm still not talking to you," Akane said.

"I'm sorry! I really am!"

"Let'er calm down a little," whispered Ranma.

"How come you never did?"

"I just thought about it." Ranma answered. "Besides, I don't want her getting to you before I do."

"You mean I'm still not forgiven?"

"Nuh uh," Ranma said evilly. "Not by a long shot."

Isamu laughed nervously. This may not be the perfect date, but it sure was interesting.

"Hey," Akane, who was idly thinking of new and painful techniques to introduce to Isamu, sat up suddenly. "Exit here."

"Huh? Why?" Asked Ranma.

"Ukyo said there was a really good club around here."

"Ok," Isamu said. "Hey, do any of you remember the Name Game?"  
He asked after a while.

"What?" Asked Ranma.

"It was this song, you know."

"Oh yeah," Nabiki said after digging in her memory a bit. "Why'd you think of it?"

"Oh I was just remembering how hard it was to do my name," he smiled.

"I don't remember this," Ranma said, scratching his head.

"Let's try Ranma!" Isamu shouted. "RANMA RANMA BOBANMA BONANABANA BOBANMA FEE FI MOMANMA! RANMA!"

"Stop!" Akane laughed despite herself. She still wanted to exact some sort of revenge on him, but for now...

They sang as they drove into the Friday night.

-  
Jamie Madrox sat in his hotel room reading a Japanese language book.

...and listened to a Japanese 'how to' audio tape.  
...and watched a Japanese language tape ...and took a Japanese language fluency test.

It's nice to be me, he thought.

-  
Jamie Madrox smiled at Isamu's date and watched them exit the highway.

"Boy, are you in for a surprise."

-  
Jusenkyo, China...

"*Stop Mulder!*"

"*I can't help it! every time this hand gets wet-!*"

"*Goddamn it! I swear I'll sue you for sexual harrasment!*"

"*Scully!*" Mulder whined.

============ =PHASE 0IV= ============ "Ladies and gentleman," Isamu announced. "We are now officially lost."

"Great," Ranma said, slouching. Akane looked at him and poked him in the arm. The tension in the air was almost gone, but not quite.

"It's not that bad," she told him.

"How is it not that bad?"

"He's not Ryoga."

Nabiki burst out laughing. "That boy could get lost walking a straight line!"

"What's this?" Isamu asked.

"You know Ryoga, right?" Akane asked, he nodded. "Well for some reason, he just can't ever seem to get where he wants to go."

Ranma snickered. "I heard he got lost in the Nekohanten once."

"Yeah? What about when he's a pfmmghg-!" He said as Ranma hastily covered his mouth.

"When he's a what?" Akane asked as she leaned forward.

"She doesn't know," Ranma urgently whispered.

"Nothing," Isamu smiled, embarrassed.

Akane looked like she was about to push the issue but changed her mind.

"Hey," Nabiki quipped. "I think I see some lights."

"All right," grinned Isamu. "The Megami Club?"

"Yeah, that's the one!"

-  
They walked in, welcomed by a throng of bodies and a solid wall of music. Ranma looked a bit uneasy, Nabiki thought. Isamu bobbed his head to the music.

"Cool music!" He shouted above the din.

"Yeah! Wanna dance?" Shouted Nabiki.

"I'm not a very good dancer," he said a little less loudly as his ears adjusted to the music.

"That's ok," said Nabiki, dragging him into the center. "I am."

-  
Jamie Madrox danced with a pink-haired girl.

"Cool hair!" He shouted as they danced.

"Thanks!" The girl smiled, doing some unexplainably feline looking moves.

"What's your name?" He shouted.

"Nuku Nuku!" She grinned.

-  
"C'mon, Ryu!" Ken said, looking around happily as the Megami Club surged with people. "Can't you have fun for once?"

"The fight is all."

"Bull! You weren't always like this man!" Ken said, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders. "We're in Nerima, we're drinking Miller Lite, life is good!"

"I was always like this!"

Ken pulled out his wallet. "I've got pictures of you in a-"

"Gimme those!"

-  
Akane and Ranma stood together at the bar. "You wanna dance?" Ranma asked over the noise.

"I guess." Akane replied. "I don't know this dance though."

"Neither do I," Ranma grinned as they jostled their way into the center of the fray.

-  
Jamie Madrox danced with a blonde.

"Hi! I'm Jamie!" He shouted. "What's your name?"

"Cammy!" She said, doing a very complicated turn.

-  
"Hey Ataru! This is great!" Said Megane, entering the club.

"Yeah! And best of all, no Lum!"

Megane thumped him solidly in the back of the head. "Don't say that about Mistress Lum!"

-  
Isamu made some room for him and Nabiki, but mostly Nabiki. Nabiki let loose with the most complicated of moves effortlessly. The way she gyrated transfixing a radius of admiring male eyes, to the annoyance of their female counterparts. Isamu just tried to get out of her way.

He spotted Akane and Ranma in one of the rougher parts of the floor. He had avoided that part because he saw some moshing going on, but Ranma and Akane were taking care of business just fine. They spiraled their way near Isamu and Nabiki as Isamu ducked one of Nabiki's flailing limbs.

"Wow," Ranma admired. "I didn't think she could move like that."

"You two are no slouches either," Isamu laughed as he watched their trail of fallen bodies struggling to get up.

Akane kept on dancing, flashing her smile on everybody. She bumped into a girl in a provocative red dress. Akane was immediately envious of the girl's proportions.

"Sorry!"

"That's ok," the girl said. "Good moves. Have you seen my boyfriend?" She asked, looking around.

"What does he look like?" Akane asked, still dancing.

"Andy! Never mind, I see him. Hey Andy!" She bounced away.  
Akane rubbed her eyes. She could swear there were sparks of flame trailing the bountiful young woman.

"Bye!" Akane said turning back. Nabiki had finished her dance to applauses and cheers. She headed for the bar for a breather.

"Hello. I am Shutaro Mendo," said a handsome young man in white to Nabiki. "Allow me to have this dance?"

Akane noticed that Ranma and Isamu were admiring the woman who _bounced_ away and fetched them a right smack on the head.

"What are you two looking at?"

-  
Madrox danced with a brunette.

"What's your name?" He asked, bobbing his head this way and that

"Madoka!" Smiled his partner.

-  
"Akemi! Wait up!"

"Hurry up! Mr. Yotsuya, Mrs. Ichinose, the bar's this way!"

"What do you think of this place, Kyoko?"

"I've never been here before, Yusaku. Where's Shun?"

"Running from Mr. Soichiro."

-  
"You wanna go to a party?" He asked Chun.

-  
"You wanna go to a party?" He asked Hitomi

-  
"I'm gonna have to ask my dad first," Nuku Nuku replied.  
"I'm only three you know."

-  
"No! I don't want to dance with you! Ataaruuuu!" Shouted a green haired girl at Madrox.

-  
Some distance away, Ataru choked on his drink. "Oh god, she's here."

-  
"Can you guys send an ambulance or something?" Ranmaru said on his cellular. "We're really hurting here."

Twenty other prone bodies groaned in agreement.

-  
The Kunos were madder than ever.

"You may have delayed me like spring before summer," Kuno growled as he searched the endless streets. "But you, Saotome, shall surely feel the heavenly vengeance of Tatewaki Kuno!"

Kodachi leaped ahead of her brother. "Ranma darling, where are you?"

"I've found them!" Shouted Sasuke, leaping down from a building.

"Lead on, faithful servant!" Kuno yelled. "The full force of mine anger shall surely-"

-  
Ryoga ran twice as fast, twice as hard. Fighting those fools took too long. Where are they?

-  
Shampoo crashed into another restaurant, her maces swinging wildly. She grabbed a nearby hapless waiter.

"Where Ranma?" She demanded.

"I...I don't know what you're talking about."

She tossed him down and ran through another wall. "RANMA! I KILL!"

-  
Mousse's hatred for Saotome grew stronger by the minute. Watching his beloved Shampoo run frantically across town made it flare brighter in his heart. Saotome, he thought grimly, pray I don't get my hands on you first.

-  
"C'mon!"

"No way!" Isamu said, laughing as he tried to pry his arm from Nabiki's grasp.

"Do it! Ranma did it with Akane!"

"So how is it that I gotta do it by myself?" He said holding his microphone.

"Because I already sang a song that's why."

They had hit a few more clubs after the Megami. They were at a Karaoke bar, populated by hundreds of patrons.

"This is embarrassing!" He hissed.

"Ranma did it!" She pointed to where Akane and Ranma were sitting. They raised their glasses to him.

"But he was in girl-form! That's different!"

"Just pick one!" She said, walking back to their table.

Isamu looked out into the crowd. People were good-naturedly cheering and clapping. Others were just ignoring him, like they ignored everybody who got up on stage. He wished there were more of the latter than the former.

He looked down the touch screen in front of him. Damn! It's in Kanji! He groaned inwardly. He steadied himself and touched the song title that he read as 'Being Japanese.'

The first few notes came out. He smiled. He knew this song. The rock guitar swung into action as he readied himself. One, two, one, two, three, four...

"I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE I REALLY THINK SO

I'M TURNING JAPANESE I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE..."

-  
"Drive, drive drive!" Ranma shouted as they piled into the car.

Tires squealed as the bloodthirsty mob just narrowly missed them. Nabiki was laughing while both Ranma and Akane imitated Isamu.

"I think I'm turning Japanese," Akane sang as she collapsed in laughter.

"I'm sorry!" Isamu pleaded. "It sounded like it! I thought it was-! I didn't think-"

"That's right," Nabiki smirked. "You didn't. I've never seen a bloodthirsty mob before."

"You obviously don't live my life," Ranma smiled.

They speeded down the highway, the girls sitting in the back.

"Hey," Ranma said. "What does this button do?"

"Press it," Isamu shrugged.

The roof folded and tucked itself into the trunk. The stars in the sky winked at them from a distance. The lights of the city streamed around them.

"Cool," Isamu grinned.

"Home?" Akane asked.

"Home," they agreed.

-  
Ranma and Akane stood in front of Akane's room in the predawn hours of the day. He smiled at her awkwardly.

"I still wanna get him back," Ranma said. "For kissing you like that."

"Go right ahead," she smiled.

"You'll let me take care of everything?"

"Well," Akane said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Not everything. But I'll leave Isamu to you."

Ranma looked around. "You know, Nabiki hasn't come up yet. You think-?"

"I think Nabiki is a very strong-willed person," Akane said looking around. "She can take care of herself."

"So," he said, leaning in.

"So," she said, leaning in.

"HAPPY DAYS SAOTOME! HAPPY DAYS INDEED!" Soun shouted, bursting out of his room with a camera. Kasumi came out of hers with party streamers as Genma patted his son's back with his paw.

"Tru- truly," he sobbed (no. 25: My Youngest Daughter Has Just Come Home From a Very Successful First Date With Her Fiancee Whom I Picked). "We are lucky parents."

-  
"Well," Nabiki said, breaking their kiss.

"Why, Ms. Tendo," he smiled.

"Yes, Mr. Hentaii?"

"Am I to assume that I shall be privileged of your company once again in the future?"

"I'll consider your suggestion carefully," she said smiling. "Can we leave the lovebirds at home?"

"If you wish."

"Then I shall consider your suggestions most carefully," she said, kissing him again. "Good night."

Isamu smiled blissfully as the taste of her lips lingered long after she had closed the gate. He looked wistfully at his watch. Four o'clock? And it's _today_ is it? What better present indeed. He walked over to where parked his car. Today, he thought, is my -

Kuno.  
Kodachi.  
Ryoga.  
Shampoo.  
Mousse.

They encircled him.

"I, the great Tatewaki Kuno, defeater of mages such as yourself, consider it to be the height of uncouthliness to attack one's foe in his domicile in the night. On the other hand, foes that are out on the street, whatever time it may be, are fair game."

"You put my Ranma darling up to this didn't you?" Kodachi cried. "I shall make you pay!"

"You told Ranma to take Akane out on date," Shampoo smoldered. "You I KILL!"

"Because of you, Akane and Ranma are that much closer. Putting Akane that much farther from me," growled Ryoga, advancing.

"Saotome, for what you have caused," Mousse shouted as he whipped out some blades from his 'fro. "You will DIE!"

They charged him as one.

"*OH, SH-*"

-  
'Nimaii-kun' was surprised, morphing back into his human form. There were so many things he could be! What should he be next?

======================================= ===============THE END================= =======================================

AUTHOR'S ENDNOTES =)

Well, as far as the story goes, this is the end.

But not really.

I know I left a lot of threads hanging. Like that damn Okonomiyaki monster and the Cameos that keep popping up. That'll all _probably_ be done in a follow up tentatively called RESOLUTIONS: THE EIGHTH DAY.

-  
I swear, this wasn't my idea. This is a rather STUPID place to put THE END, isn't it? Dammit all, this is ridiculous. Damn, damn, damn.

screw this. This AIN'T the end. I ain't letting it be the end!

-Editor Rod -

-  
FOR ALL YOU SOUN TENDO FANS!  
-

Maybe you didn't know, but each single crying frenzy of Soun Tendo actually has a meaning behind it. Here, for the first time, is...

AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF SOUN TENDO WAILS

1\. There is a Bright Light

2\. Someone is Spanking My Bottom

3\. I'm Hungry

4\. He Hit Me

43\. I'm Getting Married

105\. The Master Has Left Without Paying And I Am Stuck Putting Ladies Unmentionables on Manequins

109\. The Master Has Left Without Paying And I Am Going to Be Stuck Washing Dishes For Three Days

117\. I Just Killed My Master

120\. Dinner Was Great

127\. My Oldest Daughter Is Born And I Have No Cigarettes To Celebrate With

129\. My Wife Yelled At Me

160\. My Youngest Daughter Yelled At Me

182\. My Best Friend And His Son Are Coming Here Today

201\. My Best Friend's Son Who He Has Promised to Marry to One of My Daughters is a Girl

202\. My Best Friend is a Panda

234\. My Daughter's Fiancee Is Having An Affair With A Chinese Girl

243\. My Daughter Turned Into A Duck

246\. My Daughter Isn't A Duck After All

265\. My Master Isn't Dead

281\. My Dojo Is Being Destroyed By Daughters I Didn't Even Know I Had

287\. I Have To Repair The Dojo Again

305\. Akane Has Been Kidnapped

317\. Akane Cooked Dinner And I'm Suffering From Food Poisoning

322\. My Daugher And Her Fiancee Are Finally Liking Each Other

348\. My Daughter And Her Fiancee Hate Each Other

385\. The Cost Of Repairing The Dojo Is Killing Me

394\. Nabiki's Bill Is Killing Me

401\. The Cost Of Feeding Those Two Leeching Houseguests Is Killing Me

412\. Akane Has Been Kidnapped Again

Etc. Editorial Stuffs:  
The song Isamu was singing at the bar?

"Turning Japanese" by the Vapours. It was a small hit in the 80's here in the states.

It goes like this...

Turning Japenese by The Vapours -

I've got a picture of me and you,  
you wrote 'I love you', I wrote 'Me too'  
I keep on staring at it there's nothing else to do Oh, it's in colour, your hair is brown,  
your eyes are hazel, and soft as clouds I often kiss it when there's no-one else around

I've got your picture, I've got your picture,  
I'd like a million of them all to myself,  
I want a doctor to take your picture so I can look at you from inside as well you've got me turning up and turning down I'm turning and turning 'round

chorus  
I'm turning Japenese I think I'm turning Japenese I really think so.  
Turning Japenese I think I'm turning Japenese I really think so.  
Turning Japenese I think I'm turning Japenese I really think so.  
Turning Japenese I think I'm turning Japenese I really think so.

No sex no drugs wine no women you fun no sin no you no wonder it's dark everyone around me is a total stranger everyone avoids me like a psyched Lone Ranger, everyone

chorus variation etc etc  
-

don't blame me, I didn't write the song...

This has been

an

=M= Productions

production 


	5. Chapter 5

R1/2 - Nigel M. &amp; RpM-acct2/5 RPM

There is nothing but darkness. Suddenly a blinding light flashes. In the distance, the rumble of thunder starts, getting closer, louder reaching a mighty, window shattering crescendo. Softly, the first few strings of a string orchestra play as the rest build on level after level of complexity.

THX: THE AUDIENCE IS NOW DEAF

-  
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The long awaited Grand Finale of A REALLY THINLY VEILED OTAKU FANTASY FIC

*WHAM*

... ow... Nigel... put down the bokken,  
it was a joke! A joke! *WHAM*WHAM*  
*WHAM*WHAM*

-editor "Help me!" Rod -

=============================== Ranma 1/2: Eight Days a Week Story concept: Astroboy (Nigel M)  
Written by: Astroboy (Nigel M)  
General Nagging: RpM based on the characters of Rumiko Takahashi (and the creators of all the characters that seem to pop up here every now and then)  
===============================

Author's note:

Thanks a lot! Do you know how annoying it is to be nagged at by Rpm? I mean, here I am, trying to write another type of fanfic, and then suddenly: "Hey! What about Eight Days huh?"

-  
EDITOR'S NOTE: Grrrr...  
-

Just kidding! Actually I enjoy writing this fanfic since it really doesn't involve a lot of effort (except when I'm blocked, and when that happens. whoooo! =)

Anyway, send all flames, comments, requests etc. to st2a0 .edu

=M Productions: We Do Weddings!=

============================== =RESOLUTIONS: THE EIGHTH DAY= ==============================

-  
-Saturday Morning Cartoons-

Isamu Hentaii emerged from the blissful oblivion that was sleep. The first thing he noticed was that he was in pain. No, not pain. He searched his mind for the right word. Agony, That was the word he was looking for. Searing agony. He half opened his eyes, his eyeballs feeling as if they were floating in a bowl of hot beef soup. He enjoyed this thought for a moment until he noticed a second thing: Pussy.

There was a little stuffed pussy cat near his head.

He shot up off the bed which was, to his considerable shock, much smaller than his. He scrambled for balance, failed utterly, and fell in a heap onto the floor. The agony that he was feeling immediately shot up. He groaned pathetically.

"Good morning!" Nabiki said cheerfully, entering the room.

"Blmfmrfhfguh?" Said the heap on the floor.

Nabiki kneeled down, putting her face near the level of Isamu's. "What?"

Isamu was running several confusing ideas through his head. What was Nabiki doing in her house? Why were his walls this girlie blue color? Why was there a cute pussy cat doll on his bed? Why was Nabiki talking to him in her underwear?

Isamu's eyes widened in shock as a thin trail of blood oozed slowly out his nose. He sat up, this time ignoring his body's cheerful message that, yes, he was in agonizing pain.

"You! We! Why are-?! Did me-?! And you-! Did you and me-?! Did we-?!" He said, in a constant barrage. The only reason Nabiki even remotely understood him was that he remembered to talk in Japanese.

"Save your questions for later," she said, going into his closet and putting on a school uniform. "We're gonna be late for school again."

She hefted him up and thrust a blue uniform at him. "Here! Get dressed, quick!" At that, she blew out the door.

Isamu, his head still feeling like it was stuffed with cotton candy, got into the uniform. "She's right," he thought as he put on some frilly socks. "I'll deal with this after school."

"Isamu! We're going outside now! Hurry up!" She called from downstairs.

Isamu adjusted the blue uniform quickly and ran downstairs. Strangely enough, Nabiki's dad was in his house too. And so was Mr. Saotome. He said a quick "Hello!" To both of them as he raced by them. At this point, his mind was finally clearing up. He ran out the gate and a flash of intense light greeted him.

"GOTCHA!" Ranma, Akane and Nabiki yelled. Nabiki was holding a camera in her hand, as Ranma and Akane were leaning on each other, laughing so hard that tears were streaming down their faces.

"Gotcha? C'mon! We're gonna be-" Isamu looked down and finally realized why he felt the uniform was utterly wrong.

He was in a uniform.

A Furinkan High uniform.

A GIRL'S Furinkan High uniform.

-  
Jamie Madrox opened his eyes. Yellow rays of sunlight penetrated the translucent curtains of his hotel room. He smiled. Last night was extremely fun. The club, the dancing, he especially liked participating in a bloodthirsty mob. Today, well, today could be fun too.

-  
Acme Labs, Japan Station...

Pinky woke up. Immediately he went into fifty tail springs and a hundred 'narfs'.

"Sshush, Pinky!" Brain hissed, although not as harsh as usual. Brain was in a good mood, his martial arts android worked perfectly last night. The grand melee with the gymnastic lunatic went well, and more importantly, they thought he was just another martial artist.

Brain picked the lock on their cage and stepped out. Pinky hopped out and ran towards the rack where the scientists kept the magazines. Brain sat down in front of a blackboard and started scribbling notes. Now he needed a device that can seek out martial artists to defeat, he thought. He was in the process of designing one when Pinky shouted from across the room.

"Egads, Brain! We're in the comic books!" Pinky shouted happily.

"No, Pinky. That scheme failed remember?" Brain said, irritated. He despised being interrupted.

"But look, Brain! Narf!" Pinky said, holding up a recent copy of the Incredible Hulk. "That's us innit?"

Brain looked closely. "Why, yes it is!" He said in amazement.

-  
Isamu stood in front of the Tendo Dojo, the wind whipping his skirt around his legs. The mischievous trio that got him in it were still laughing, their laughter filling the morning air.

"What-?" Isamu tried again.

In between fits of laughter they started explaining. They led Isamu into the house as Soun and Genma, and now Kasumi, stared oddly at them.

"We (haha!) we found you unconcious outside the gate last night," Ranma began patting Isamu's shoulder good-naturedly.

"(hahahaha!) Yeah. We heard (haha) noises outside and when (haha) when we looked out, there you were," Akane continued.

They led him back to the room where his clothes were and continued explaining to him from the other side of the door.

"Anyway," Nabiki tried, then broke into laughter. "Sorry, anyway, we dragged you in, slapped some medicine on you and let you sleep it off."

By now, Isamu emerged, clothed in the stuff he wore the night before, but still red in the face.

"Me, Ranma and Akane stayed up a little while longer after everybody else went to bed," Nabiki said, wiping off some tears and steering Isamu to the breakfast table. Kasumi smiled at them and started putting some food on the table. Soun and Genma were on the patio, fanning themselves and playing shogi.

In between mouthfuls, they spilled the rest of the story. How they wondered what happened, the extent of his injuries, and how Nabiki came up with the whole thing.

"I did not!" Nabiki protested. "The uniform, yeah, but I vividly remember entering the discussion with you two plotting already."

Akane reached over and playfully patted Isamu's cheek. "We had to do something to him," she said. "For that kiss and all. We thought making him think it was a school day was enough."

Isamu smiled. He had to admit, it was a pretty good joke. "So, am I forgiven? You know I'm never gonna trust any of you ever again?"

"Who cares?" Akane laughed. "And yes, I think that was payback enough."

Isamu got up, "Ok, I'll be back in a little while. Are you going somewhere?"

"No," Nabiki shrugged, munching on some bread.

"Ok, I'll be back. I gotta get out of these clothes." He went to the kitchen and said his good-byes to Kasumi, waved his good-byes to everybody else and left.

-  
Mousse was lying down on a rooftop, his afro providing both cushion and shade against the early morning glare. "Shampoo," he thought, "one day, you'll be my bride."

STAYING ALIVE, STAYING ALIVE!  
AH AH AH AH STAYING ALIIIIHIHIVE!

Mousse sat up furiously. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" He shouted to the world in general.

-  
Shampoo walked down the street with 'Nimaii'. He was cute, she thought, although a bit on the dumb side.

"Shampoo like you, yes?" She tried.

"Yes," replied 'Nimaii'.

"But only as friend," she insisted.

"Mommy is friend," 'Nimaii' agreed.

"Shampoo not your Mommy!" She said loudly, a couple of people looking up. She sighed, he just didn't get her point.

Her eyes caught sight of the window of the pet shop they were passing. A cute little dog, brown like a chocolate, its little tail wagging furiously barked happily at her.

"Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Shampoo squealed.

The okonomiyaki monster took note. Mommy liked that form better. Eventually Shampoo waved good-bye to the little puppy and continued on their way.

"Ok, we try this again. Shampoo like you, yes?"

-  
"Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Asuza Shiratori squealed.

-  
"Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Atsuko Natsume squealed.

The man who owned the pet store looked out the window of his shop.

"I don't understand why they don't buy the damned things," he told his assistant. "All they do is stand outside and squeal." He sighed. "At least it's better than yesterday, if that foreign bastard walked in one more time singing 'How much is that dog-gie in the window', I swear I would've blown his head off."

-  
Isamu drove his car down the street to his house. His radio blasting "Staying Alive" by the Beegees. Boy, who would've thunk it? A 70's radio station in Japan?

Isamu showered, got into some fresh clothes, and walked back to the Tendo home. He looked at his watch, it said 10:37. He let his mind wander. At this time last week, he was unaware of the madcap world that Nabiki inhabited. He smiled. He felt lucky.

-  
Madrox watched Isamu leave the house. He smiled. The boy never was a homebody, he thought, creeping towards the house. He should be gone for the better part of the day. His grin went even wider as he thought of what he was preparing for the unsuspecting boy.

-  
Ryu woke up, his head felt like someone was dancing on it. The world smelled bad. He opened his eyes and saw a white thing, it seemed to be the source of the smell. Ryu got up, his vision blurring. He snorted disgustingly. Ken was sprawled on the bed, snoring loudly. His foot inches from where Ryu's face had been.

"Hey! Ken!" He said, shaking his buddy awake. "What happened?"

"urhglegurgle," Ken retorted. Ken's eyes focused. "Hey, Ryu-san! I didn't know you could dance like that!"

"Dance?"

"Yeah! Last night! Remember?"

"I don't-"

"I never thought of using the Hurricane Kick as a dance move!" Ken said happily.

"Look," Ryu said desperately. "If anyone asks, I got ambushed by Akuma, ok?"

-  
Isamu knocked on the Tendo gate. Something was nagging at his memory, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what. Kasumi answered the door and let him in.

"Hello, Kasumi!" He greeted, following her.

"Why hello, Isamu," She greeted, as she walked back into the kitchen. "As you can see, Ranma and his dad are training at the moment," she indicated Genma and Ranma sparring at the pond. "Nabiki said she had to take care of something, and Akane's in the dojo."

"You're amazing," Isamu grinned. "You keep track of everybody?"

"Someone has to," she smiled and walked off. "Dad's upstairs, fixing one of the doors," her voice said from the kitchen.

He smiled. More to her than meets the eye, he thought. He headed for the dojo, walking quietly. Akane was kneeling over three bricks, obviously preparing to break. She was turned away from the door. Isamu hung back, not calling attention to himself. He watched as she took two even breaths and struck. The bricks split neatly in half, the pieces falling to the floor.

"How was that?" Akane asked, not turning around.

"Terrific!" Isamu clapped as she gave a mock bow.

"It was nothing," Akane said dismissively. She raised her fist and waggled it. "All in the wrist."

"You think you can teach me then?" Isamu asked, joking.

"Sure."

"Really?" Isamu asked, intrigued. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I told you, it's pretty simple."

Akane set up one brick and guided him into position. "You know martial arts already right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Ok, then I'll skip all the obvious explanations," she continued. "First, you have to know where to hit. In this case here," she said, tapping a spot a little off center of the brick.

"Shouldn't I hit it here?" He asked, pointing at the exact center.

"No. Hit it at it's weakest point."

"Ok."

"Now, the second, more important point is where to aim," she said.

"Aim? I thought I was suppose to aim here?" He indicated the spot she pointed out.

"No, that's where you _hit_. You aim here," she said, pointing at an area below the brick. "You're not actually trying to break it as much as you're trying to go through it. The point you want is here. The brick is just in the way."

Isamu nodded. "I think I got it."

She smiled. "Go for it."

Isamu took a few deep, controlled breaths. In. Out. In. Out. He looked down at his target, his arm in the prescribed breaking position. He visualized his fist, whizzing through space and hitting the spot he aimed for, cutting through the brick like so much powder.

He let out a mighty yell. And struck.

"KII-YAII!"

\- The Pigtailed Goddess ran through the forest, as clothed as she was when she was born. Well, maybe not. She didn't have a lot of blood on her, and there's the conspicuous absence of an umbilical cord and a placenta dangling from it. But other than that... Tatewaki Kuno ran after her, his sword waving in the breeze.

"Choose me, my love! Choose me!" She giggled as she ran.

"I shall! Pigtailed Girl it is you that I love!"

Akane Tendo appeared, her hair blowing in the wind, the translucent dress she wore drifted away. "What about me, Kuno my love?"

"Akane Tendo! My one true love!" He stood at a crossroads. One led to the naked pigtailed girl, the other, the unclad Akane Tendo. He looked one way, then another. Faster and faster.

"Which shall you choose?" They smiled beguilingly. "Which of us do you love?"

"I LOVE YOU BOTH! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT EITHER!" He screamed.

"You must choose one! Choose one! Choose one!" They said, disappearing from view.

"NO!" Kuno yelled, waking up.

-  
Ranma leaped into the air, nimbly avoiding another kick from his dad. He had a big grin on his face. He and Akane were finally going out with each other. He threw a few lows in the direction of his dad and continued reminiscing. He realized that all this time, even through all the arguments and fights, that Akane was the one person that he truly wanted to go out with. The night would have ended spectacularly if the Tendos and his dad didn't burst in, but aside from that the day went pretty well.

"So Ranma," Genma said as he deftly blocked one of Ranma's kicks. "When should we set the wedding date?"

"Shut up, Pop!" Ranma fumed, throwing a few rapid punches. "We went out once, that's all."

"Foolish boy!" Said Genma, exchanging blows. "The time has come for you to settle down and take over the Anything Goes School and take care of your lovely wife Akane."

Ranma kicked him into the pond, effectively silencing him. Wife, he didn't even think about that. Will he marry her? Will she marry him? Will he survive a marriage with her?

-  
Nabiki walked back towards the dojo, pockets bursting with yen. She had gone to the local college to use their computer, since she had just sold hers and was about to buy a newer model anyway. Out of curiosity, she tried to pull articles on Isamu's family business and she stumbled upon a small article done on Isamu. The article had something on him that he seemed to have forgotten to mention. She wondered why.

-  
"YYYEOUUWWCH!" Yelled Isamu, dancing around and clutching his hand. He glared at the brick that was solid as ever. It seemed to be smirking at him. Akane quickly went to the corner of the room where there was a small refrigerator. She pulled out one of many icepacks and tossed it at Isamu. Isamu caught it in the face, but managed to put it on his sore hand.

"Let me see," Akane said, inspecting his hand. "Nothing broken, just bruised that's all."

Isamu flexed his hand a couple of times. "Hurts like bloody hell though."

"I know," she said. "Had to go through that a couple of times before I got it right too."

They sat down in the middle of the dojo, shooting the breeze.

"Kasumi, now _she_ could break." Akane said, as Isamu lay on the floor.

"What, Kasumi? Like your sister Kasumi? Sweet, never-  
gets-mad-Kasumi? That one?"

"Uh-huh," she answered, brushing her hair back, tucking some errant strands behind her ear. "I remember once, I was maybe around twelve, there was this really strong storm. We all had to go to the cellar-"

"You have a cellar?"

"Storm cellar," she nodded, closing her eyes as she let the memories flood back. "Out back. Anyway, this storm blew our oak tree down on the door. Dad couldn't budge it, but Kasumi, she calmly walked up to it, split it into three pieces and helped Dad roll it off."

"The whole oak tree?" He asked, trying to imagine splitting something with the circumference of a diesel tire.

"Yup," Akane said, leaning back. "Sometimes I think that's why she's so calm. She knows she can snap each and everyone of us in two."

"What about Nabiki?"

"Ah, now Nabiki was different," she said, adjusting her belt. "Nabiki was never the fastest or the strongest or anything. But she found ways."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, she just came up with these moves that confused the heck out of us." Akane smiled. "For example, I was watching her and Kasumi spar, right? And Kasumi was getting through with some really good shots. Suddenly, as she was about to get it in the face, she turned around! Kasumi pulled back, stopping her fist inches from Nabiki's face. Nabiki grabbed Kasumi's hand and threw her over her shoulder. I remember Kasumi laughing hard."

"Does Ranma practice Anything Goes too?" He asked, walking over to the door and watching Ranma-chan and the Panda soggily spar.

"Yes and no." Akane answered. He noticed another change in voice as she started talking about Ranma. "Ranma mixes his style with one or two others. I practice a purer form of Anything Goes; Tendo Anything Goes Martial Arts. He practices Saotome School. But the basics are the same."

Isamu walked back and sat in front of Akane. They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Like all Saturday breezes, the one that blew through the dojo held promises of excitement and mischief. They listened to Ranma-chan's grunts of effort as she continued sparring with her father.

"Can you teach me?" Isamu asked.

"What, now?" Akane asked back.

"Why not," Nabiki said, walking in.

"Hello, Nikki," Isamu said, getting up and giving Nabiki a kiss.

"Who's Nikki?" Nabiki asked, frowning slightly.

"It's my nickname for you," Isamu shrugged.

"No it's not," said Nabiki. "I like my name just the way it is."

"So where'd you go?" Akane asked, standing up.

Nabiki smiled at them, touching her nose lightly. The signal for 'that's my business'.

"Oh, fine," Isamu said, going into a mock weeping pose. "Don't tell us," he put an arm around Akane's shoulders. "The people whom you are closest to."

"Akane," Nabiki said. "Teach him the first thing we all learned," she said, smiling.

"The first thing you learn," she said, suddenly grabbing his arm. "Is how to fall." With that, she threw him over her shoulder. Isamu flew threw the air with the grace of a brick and landed exactly like one too.

-  
Jamie dug in his multiple pockets. He had a lot of people to call.

"Hi!" He greeted on the phone, "This is Jamie... no, Jamie... J-A... Yeah the one in the overcoat. Listen, I'm throwing a party tonight and-"

-  
Kasumi called everybody to lunch. Ranma-chan and Genma panda came in towels in hand. Soun came down from the bedrooms, extremely proud of himself for doing some mundane maintenance. Akane came in laughing, followed by Nabiki, who was riding on Isamu's back.

"This isn't really what Japanese boyfriends do for their girlfriends, is it?" Isamu asked, naively. Actually, he didn't mind it too much.

"Sure it is," Akane said, winking at Ranma-chan. "Oh, Ranma," she singsonged.

"Ooh, no," Ranma-chan said, shaking her head. "You're too heavy for me."

Akane bopped him on the head. "Jerk!"

"That's enough, you two, " Soun said, calming them down. He gestured to Isamu, "Come in, son."

"Smells good," Isamu said as Kasumi put some food in his bowl. "Akane, which one did you make?"

Ranma-chan choked on her rice, snapping her chopsticks. She tried to sputter some comment but Akane immediately got behind her, pounding her back.

"Are you ok, Ranma?" Akane said, deliberately hitting Ranma's back excessively hard.

Ranma didn't get the message at all. "No. Isamu, Akane's cooking is terrible."

Akane immediately booted Ranma-chan through the roof. "Jerk."

"How does she do that?" Isamu asked, watching as the little speck that was Ranma reach the apex of her flight.

-  
Ranma-chan flew higher and higher.

"Stupid tomboy," she muttered. "And I was gonna ask her out again too."

"HEY! BABY! CUTIE PIE! WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?" Yelled Ataru, as he started descending from his flight. He started swimming through the air, trying to get closer to Ranma-chan.

"Darling! Stop flirting! Come back here!" Said Lum, flying across Ranma-chan's flight path. "Excuse me."

"Sure," Ranma-chan said, letting her pass.

"I'll kill him!" Benten seethed, flying by on her bike.

"LUM-CHAN!" Rei shouted in his tiger-cow form, flying after them.

"It sure is crowded up here today."

"Sure is," Karin observed, putting her hoverbike into high gear.

-  
Akane slowly went through the first forms of Anything Goes as Isamu tried to copy it.

"Raise your right arm higher," Soun instructed, watching Isamu. "Right, now see how she slides her weight to the front foot as she pivots? There you go."

"Hey Akane," Nabiki called, lounging around near the door of the dojo. "You must've sent Ranma far today. It's been nearly an hour."

"I know exactly where I sent him," Akane said smugly, smoothly going through her forms. "He should've landed somewhere near Tomobiki."

-  
Ranma-chan ducked and smacked Ryoga in the stomach. By an unfortunate coincidence, Ryoga was being lost in Tomobiki when she finally landed.

"Getting slow, Ryoga." Taunted Ranma-chan, sticking her tongue out and wagging it at him.

Ryoga seethed. "You went out with Akane last night."

"Yeah, so?"

"What did you do to her!?" He shouted, swinging his umbrella.

"Nothing!" Ranma-chan said, swerving and tripping him up.

"Liar! You probably... you probably.. you probably took her sweet innocence didn't you?!"

"Wh-what?" Ranma-chan shouted indignantly. "Stupid!" Why would-"

"You did! You sullied the honor of Akane," said Ryoga, as tears started streaming down his cheeks. "Akane! Poor Akane!" Ryoga's eyes flared red. "I'll kill you!"

Ryoga swung again, narrowly missing Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan flipped backwards, trying to gain a breather. Ryoga threw a bandanna which tripped up Ranma-chan and ran up for the kill.

-  
Shutaro Mendo strode down the street purposely. Actually, he had nothing in particular to do at the moment, but striding down the street purposely looked much better. He heard a commotion around the corner and sped up, his hand instinctively going for his sword. The fool Moroboshi must be the cause of all this. He rounded the corner and unsheathed his sword in one smooth motion, swinging down on the head of the person around the corner.

-  
Ryoga turned, let go of his umbrella, and caught the blade using the butterfly technique, trapping the sword between his palms. The boy who wielded the sword reminded him of the infuriating idiot Kuno.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted angrily.

Mendo blinked. It wasn't Moroboshi. "My apologies, good sir. I had you mistaken for someone else," he said, sheathing his sword smoothly.

Ranma-chan watched this exchange and suddenly leapt up and threw her arms around a pleasantly surprised Mendo. "Oh please, gallant sir," she sobbed, batting her doe-eyes at him. "Please save me from this wicked, wicked man."

Mendo's eyes flared as he gave Ryoga a menacing look. He looked into Ranma-chan's eyes with a smoldering look and talked in his deep, romantic voice. "Don't worry miss," he intoned silkily. "I, Shutaro Mendo, shall save you from this villain."

Geez, Ranma-chan thought. This guy's almost as bad as Kuno. Out loud, Ranma chan said "Oh, thank you." She blinked her cute, girlie eyes at him one more time.

Ryoga exploded with anger. "Ranma! I'll kill you!"

Shutaro pushed Ranma-chan gently away from him. "Go on, I'll take care of him."

Ranma-chan blew a raspberry at Ryoga and skipped happily away, back to Nerima.

"Now, for displaying such rudeness to a female," Mendo began, unsheathing his katana menacingly.

"You moron!" Ryoga shouted, charging towards the direction that Ranma went. "That was a guy!"

"You're the moron!" Mendo laughed. "That was most definitely a girl."

"Get out of my way!" Ryoga shouted as his umbrella and Mendo's sword clashed. "He took the flower of innocence from Akane!"

"You're a disgusting pervert!" Mendo said, leaping back. "I'll be glad to dispose of you."

Ryoga was frustrated, and he yelled his frustration to the world.

"RANMA! YOU DIDN'T EVEN USE PROTECTION, DID YOUUUUUU!"

-  
Ranma approached the Dojo gate, now male thanks to a kettle of hot water courtesy of Dr. Tofu. The house was strangely silent. Ranma looked around and after a few minutes, confirmed that the house was indeed empty. He went to the kitchen and finished what food Kasumi had left him. Could they be in the dojo? He thought. But what would all of them be doing there? He decided to check anyway, walking the short distance between the house and the dojo. The door to the dojo was closed. Strange, he thought. He was about to slide open the door when he heard the first moans.

"Ooh," moaned a voice that Ranma was sure was Akane. "That feels so good! Do that again, Isamu. Ohhh!"

Ranmas hand flew to his mouth in a classic pose of shock. Do it again, Isamu? That feels so GOOD? THAT FEELS SO _GOOD_? Ranma's hand reached for the handle again, sure that he misheard.

"Do me, Isamu," said Nabiki's voice, then came the sound of flesh being pounded. "Oh, yeah! Ohh!" By this time , Ranma's eyes have grown to the approximate size of platters. Serving platters. Large serving platters.

"Oh my gods," Ranma squeaked. The depravity! The perversion! Well, he was gonna put a stop to that.

"It's my turn again," Said Kasumi's voice silkily. "Gently, if you please."

"Gentle it is," Said Isamu's voice, sounding tired.

Ranma's head was boiling. He _should_ be tired! All three of them?! At the same time!? Ranma ground his teeth. Death's too good for this guy! he thought, his mind racing. I'm gonna-

"Do me!" Cried his father's voice, forcing Ranma to choke down the bile he was about to spew.

"No! Me first! Ahhhh!" Groaned Soun contentedly. Ranma's mind spun with disgust. The whole family!? ALL the Tendos _and_ his dad?!

Finally, Ranma could take it no more. He rushed in, eyes closed to the carnal carnival within.

"STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE GODS! FOR ALL THAT'S DECENT! STOOOPP!"

-  
"STOP HIM! KILL HIM! CASTRATE HIMMM!"

Happousai ran happily away from the blood thirsty mob that was hot on his heels. This particular panty raid had gone well, he thought, glancing back ever so often to his lovely sack of underwear.

"WHAT A HAUL!" He yelled gleefully. He accelerated, not wishing to spend the whole afternoon running. He spotted a perfect hiding place as he turned a corner. The rare captylus aforoherus. A large, dense bush that mainly grew in Africa. He dove in, disappearing from view. He watched as the horde of screaming valkyries thundered past him. He chuckled softly when suddenly, the bush spoke.

"And what, may I ask, are you doing in my hair?" Asked Mousse irritatedly.

-  
Six pairs of eyes bored into Ranma's skull. Ranma stood there, arms raised in a pose of righteous indignation and anguish. The scene in the dojo was a strange one. Ranma recognized the spare cots that the Tendo's kept for unexpected guests. They were all lined up in a row, on each one were the Tendos and his Dad. Isamu was currently standing on Soun's back, obviously massaging his back in the classic shiatsu technique.

Nabiki spoke first. "And what," she asked slyly. "Praytell, are we supposed to stop?" She asked an obviously nervous Ranma. "In the name of decency and the gods, I mean?"

"Errr, um," Ranma tried. His mind was running miles a minute trying to find a way to spit out his foot, which he seemed to have swallowed, along with his lower leg and most of his upper thigh. A small part of his mind was happily informing him that, yes, he was definitely screwed.

"nothing," he squeaked meekly, as they stood up and started stretching.

"This young man would make a fine addition to our family," Soun weeped (no. 35- Someone Would Make A Fine Addition To Our Family). "I'm glad you found him, Nabiki."

"I'm not planning to marry him yet, Daddy," Nabiki said, cracking her back.

"I wouldn't mind," Isamu said nonchalantly.

"Ranma," Akane said sleepily. "Come over here," she beckoned to him. "Carry me," she said, holding her arms out.

Ranma, a little shocked over this, did as he was told. As he walked out the dojo, they heard Akane ask him what he wanted them to stop.

They waited expectedly. And then...

"YOU PERVERT! YOU SICK ANIMAL!" They heard Akane shout, and a loud crash as if an object crashed through the floor.

-  
Madrox rigged the door with fine precision. It was hard, he thought. But that's why he got paid the big money. Besides, he admitted. He enjoyed his work.

-  
"Ryu-buddy," Ken said, shaking his head. "I thought you could hold your liquor better than this."

"Shut up," Ryu said, wiping his mouth.

"Don't worry," Ken said calmly. "I got what you need."

"Aspirin?"

"Naw," Ken laughed. "The only cure to a great night is another one! Ryu ol' buddy ol' pal, we're going to a party!"

-  
"Akane," Isamu said, trying to sweep her feet. Akane shuffled her feet slightly, avoiding his.

"Uh-huh?" She said, rushing in for a one-two punch that found it's mark.

"(whoof ooof) I've gotta ask you something," he said, rolling back onto his feet and circling.

"Go right ahead," she said, aiming a kick at his head, which he very nearly didn't duck.

"How do you do that thing with the hammer?" He asked, getting swept off his feet.

Akane smiled. "You mean this?" She said as a mallet materialized in her hands and descended rapidly towards Isamu's head.

"EEP!" He squealed, rolling away. "Time-out! No fair!"

Akane smiled, making the hammer disappear again. "Here you go," she said, helping him up. "No such thing as 'unfair' in this martial art," she informed him. "A-ny-thing-goes-  
mar-tial-arts. The name says it all."

"Ok, ok," he conceded. "But what about the mallet?"

Akane looked around. "Well, it's not part of the style." She said. "And I've never told anyone before."

"Tell me!" Isamu said eagerly. "I won't tell anybody! I promise!" He wheedled and cajoled for a few minutes.

"Well," Akane finally gave in. "Ok. Watch carefully."

She showed him exactly how to do it.

"Wow," he said with amazed awe.

-  
"It is now 6:07 p.m. when the sunset is at its most beautiful," said Kuno, walking down the street, a bouquet of flowers in each hand. "So it is rightfully so that the rising young star of the high school kendo world greets his loves at this time."

-  
At that exact time, in the darkness of a house...

"Hi! Glad you could make it! No, no, you didn't have to bring anything. Come in! Remember me? Well, at least you remembered to come."

-  
Acme Labs...

"Now is our chance, Pinky!" Brain shouted, getting into the android body suit.

"To do what (poit)?" Asked Pinky, thoughtfully probing the inside of an ear.

"Guess," Brain gritted, trying to keep his temper in check.

"Oh, right, right, take over the world (narf)." Said Pinky, scrambling up into the machine.

Brain looked down on his scanner. "It seems," he began. "That a large contingent of martial artists are gathering at this domicile," he pointed at the screen. "We shall go there as well."

-  
Tokyo Airport...

"Taxi! Taxi! Take us to... oh, damn. He doesn't speak English. Mulder, can you-? No, it's too much to ask that you'd be any help. Here," Agent Scully thrust a piece of paper at the taxi driver. "Take us to Nerima."

-  
"Get dressed, man!"

"I am, Ken!"

"You're wearing that?"

"What else am I suppose to wear?"

"You wear that every single day, fer christ sake! I'm sorry, Ryu. But to be brutally honest, you stink."

-  
Nabiki was watching the news when Isamu and Akane came in. Ranma was still where Akane left him, his head deeply implanted through the floor. Although he seems to have gained consciousness since he was struggling to pull out, his behind wagging in the air. Nabiki turned off the tv and watched Ranma for a while. She turned to Akane.

"This is better that watching tv, Akane." Said Nabiki cheerfully after awhile. She gestured for Akane to come and watch with her but Akane declined and went to take a nice, long bath.

Isamu sat beside Nabiki. She was aware of the smell of his sweat, which for some unknown reason, did not smell particularly bad to her. He smelled like he had just exerted a tremendous amount of energy. She snuggled up to him a little, heedless of what his sweaty body did to her shirt.

"Well," he said after a while. "I don't think I expected to be sitting here in your living room, watching Ranma waggle his butt at us."

She laughed. "Would you rather be doing something else?" She asked him coyly. He looked at her for a little while, then kissed her softly on the lips. "Let's go help him out first," Isamu said, standing up. "It's kinda hard to be romantic when there's a third party wagging their butt at you."

"Oh, you must think I'm enjoying this," Ranma grumbled. With a little effort, they helped him off the floor. Ranma dusted himself off angrily. "Stupid tomboy," he muttered, stomping off towards the bathroom.

"It must be love," Nabiki sighed.

"Isn't Akane in there?" Isamu asked.

"Oh, well," Nabiki said dismissively. "I think he'll find out real soon."

There was a yelp of surprise followed by a splash. Other than that, though, there was silence. There was silence for a long moment.

"Hey," Isamu said uncertainly. "You think-"

"I think," Nabiki said, "That it's none of our business," she said, and, being the nineties woman that she is, swept Isamu into her arms and kissed him passionately.

"JERK!" They heard Akane shout from the bathroom.

"Ah," Isamu said sagely. "Delayed reaction."

-  
Ranma and Akane sat with their backs to each other in the hot tub. Akane was about to take off her top when Ranma walked in. Ranma fell into the tub in surprise and Akane immediately pounced on him, ready to drown him. Much to his surprise, she didn't.

"So," Akane said.

"So," said Ranma.

The silence returned.

"Thanks for not hitting me," Ranma began.

"It wasn't your fault," Akane answered. "I didn't leave my slippers at the door."

[AUTHOR'S CULTURAL NOTE: I read that Japanese bathrooms do not have any locks and the sign that the bathroom is occupied is that you leave your house slippers in front of the door.]

"This is nice," Ranma said, splashing the water around.

"Uh-huh," answered Akane. "You know, if you could just explain yourself faster, I wouldn't hit you so much."

"Heh," Ranma smirked. "I don't think anybody could talk that fast."

"Akane," Ranma asked turning towards her. "Do you mind-  
?" He said, indicating with his hands what his intention was.

Akane gazed thoughtfully at him. They _were_ officially a couple. Isn't that what couples do? "I don't see why not."

And so they did. Tentatively at first, then passionately.

They kissed.

"JERK!" She shouted, punching him and knocking the wind out of him. Ranma sank under the water slowly.

Ranma sputtered to the surface. "(ptui) What was that for?"

"Appearance's sake," Akane smiled.

-  
Isamu's mind was still reeling a bit. The general ruckus that Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome get up to when they get happy is a sight he'll not soon forget. But he'll try. Beside him walked Nabiki, strolling in the moon's glow, two young people in seeming love.

"Do you believe them," Nabiki said, putting her arm around him. "That they just fell into the bathtub? It did take a long while before we heard her shout."

"Well," Isamu thought. "Yeah. Ranma and Akane just don't seem the type to, um, they just don't seem the type."

"Good answer," Nabiki clapped. "Noncommittal, while sounding informative. I can make something out of you yet."

"Hey! Wait up!" Ranma shouted, running after them, Akane holding onto his hand.

"Hi!" Nabiki greeted.

"Could we stay over at your place for a while?" Akane pleaded. "Dad's getting really unbearable."

"Oh, now, come on," Isamu cocked his eyebrow. "How much worse can he get?"

"MY GOOD NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS! MY DAUGHTER AKANE HAS FINALLY CONSUMMATED HER LOVE WITH HER FIANCE!" Soun's voice shouted clearly, even though they were already a few streets down. "THEY HAVE BONDED IN THE PHYSICAL WAY THAT INSURES HEALTHY HEIRS!"

"Well, ok. Maybe a couple of hours."

-  
The Hentaii home...

"I thought you said there's a party here?"

"Where's the food? I'm hungry."

"Me too. Why the hell do we need to be hiding in the dark anyway?"

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Ok, for the last time, NO SPITBALLS!"

"I like to eat horsemeat and mice!"

"Ewww, who said that!?"

"Hey, baby! Wanna go get some tea?"

"Ok, I don't know who did that, but I'm gonna clobber the next person who touches my knee!"

"Ryu, chill!"

"That was your knee?"

"Everybody shut up!" Jamie hissed. "I think he's coming!"

The four of them walked up to Isamu's house as the sun set,

the night sky was full of stars.

"I don't know about you guys," Isamu said, inserting his key. "But all I wanna do is sit in front of the tube for a while."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Ranma nodded his head.

"Oh!" Isamu exclaimed. "I just remembered! With everything that happened I completely forgot!"

"What?" Akane asked as Isamu walked into the house.

"Today is my-"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Everybody shouted as both a bucket of glue and a bucket of feathers fell on Isamu.

-  
-HAPPY BIRTHDAY?-

Jamie let out a whoop of joy at the back of the crowd. "Perfect! A classic!"

Isamu looked around. He looked at Nabiki inquiringly. She shook her head. Isamu thought about the feathers now covering him. Now who would do something as childish and immature as this?

"Jamie," Isamu grinned. "Where the hell are you?"

Ranma looked on as a man in a green overcoat ran up and shook Isamu's hand grinning like an idiot. Isamu started when the man shook his hand. He revealed a joy buzzer as they talked.

"Lots of people here, huh?" Ranma turned to Akane.

"Must be close to sixty," Akane agreed.

Isamu was mugging with Madrox, still covered with chicken feathers. "So, this is your idea?"

"No," Madrox grinned, waving his drink in the air. "Your parents wanted you to have one."

"And all these people?" Isamu asked, looking around. "Pretty eclectic crowd."

"EVERYBODY DIG IN!" Madrox shouted as the human wave washed over the table groaning with the weight of the food. "Yeah, mostly people I met at clubs and stuff."

Isamu gestured to Nabiki, Ranma and Akane. They walked up to the two and Isamu introduced them all.

"This is Jamie Madrox," Isamu introduced him last. "He's a family friend. Also known as the Multiple Man."

"Why do-" Akane began as somebody turned up the music.

"-they call me-" said Jamie, grinning as he stomped his foot once.

"-the Multiple Man?" Another Jamie said, stepping out of the first one.

"It's a knack," Madrox grinned. "Listen, enjoy your party!" With that, he waded into the crowd and disappeared.

"But I don't know these people!" He called after him, but he disappeared already.

"Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday today?" Akane admonished, kissing him on the cheek in a friendly sort of way.

"I absolutely forgot," Isamu said honestly. "Waking up and finding yourself tricked into wearing a girl's uniform does that to you."

They looked around the house. It was full, loud music surged throughout the house. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, although it had more of a club atmosphere than anything else.

-  
The Brain's martial arts robot stomped through the night.

"Once we have defeated the martial artists gathered in that house," he said as the robot easily cleared the gap from roof to roof. "We shall gain fame! Then we can implement the second part of my plan to take over the world!"

"Ooh! Brain," Pinky shouted excitedly. "Look at this yellow stuff I found between my toes! Ahahahahaha! (narf)"

-  
The party was in full swing. A few figures crept in the front door, although they didn't need to since nobody cared about gate crashers anyway.

"Hey! Mr. Yotsuya! Are you sure about this?" Godai asked, creeping in. Followed by Akemi and Mrs. Ichinose.

"Live a little!" Mrs. Ichinose laughed, jumping on a table and dancing, waving her fans in the air.

-  
"HEY BABY! LET'S GO GET SOME TEA!"

"DARLING!"

"EYYAAHH!" Ataru shouted as Lum cooked him from a good ten feet away.

-  
Shampoo leaped from rooftop to rooftop, headed for the Nekohanten. She finally delivered the last of the orders and was now off for the night. She landed on a rooftop and was about to jump again when she thought she heard Ranma's voice. Without hesitation she leaped down and zoomed into the house.

Mousse grumbled as the wind carried him high into the Nerima night. The wind gusted, carrying his afro and himself further north. He looked down and saw his Shampoo dart into a house.  
Fortunately for him, looking down changed the position of his afro, causing him to streak downwards towards his love.

'Nimaii-kun' followed mommy, running after her. He noticed something some time ago. He seemed to be having difficulty changing forms. He better do it now.

Moments later, a small chocolate brown puppy followed Shampoo.

-  
Nuku Nuku was hanging around the buffet table, near the salmon to be exact. Akane put some food in her own plate and smiled at Nuku Nuku. Behind her, Ranma piled on the food.

"Hi!" Akane greeted.

"Hiiii!" Nuku Nuku returned sweetly.

Akane blinked. "You know, you sound like someone I know."

"I get that a lot!" Nuku Nuku nodded. "Some people think I have a cd out and have a radio show and I'm part of a band and I do seiyuu work for tv and stuff!"

"I'm Akane," Akane introduced herself. "And this is my, uh, this is Ranma."

"Hi! Nuku Nuku Natsume at your service!" She said cheerfully.

Akane and Ranma drifted away from her after a few minutes conversation.

"Boy, is she peppy," Akane said, chewing on her food. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I don't know," Ranma shivered. "But she really, _really_ makes me uncomfortable."

"RANMA! I HERE!" Shampoo shouted, making Ranma spill his drink on himself. She hugged Ranma-chan fiercely.

"Wow!" Ataru slobbered, galloping towards the two at lecherous speed. "Lesbian love!"

"Flirt somewhere else!" Akane shouted, booting Ranma-  
chan away.

-  
Ryuunusuke looked up. "She's got nice trajectory," she said, talking to Oyuki.

"Excuse me, sir." Said Ryu, walking past her.

"I AM A WOMAN!" Ryuunusuke shouted, punting him through the roof.

-  
Ranma-chan stomped back towards where Akane was, grumbling. She bumped into somebody, who turned out to be Nuku Nuku.

"Excuse me," she said, trying to get through.

"That's ok," Nuku Nuku smiled, then stopped.

A third girl, who was listening to them stared.

"Hey! You sound exactly like me!" Said Nuku, Ranma-  
chan and Ai-chan at the same time.

-  
"Hey baby! What's your phone number?" Ataru said, sidling up to Shampoo.

"Ai-yah!" Shampoo shouted, stomping on him. "Get away, pervert-boy!"

Shampoo fumed a little and started walking away. She felt a pair of eyes studying her intently and looked up.

Lum stared down from the air.

"You wouldn't happen to have horns under there would you?" She asked the Amazon.

-  
"Hey! It's Liu Kang!" Ken said, spotting him a little distance away. He nudged Ryu and shouted again. "Hey! Turkey boy! gobble gobble!"

Ryu, not just a little drunk himself, joined in. "I'm Liu Kang! The Turkey boy! Gobblegobblegobble!

Liu Kang fumed. "At least my movie didn't suck! At least I was the lead in my movie! Not just 'hustlers' in the subplot!"

"Hustling is a _fine_ proffesion," growled Ryu.

"Oh yeah? Oh yeah?" Ken shouted at Liu. "Well at least the guy who played me didn't have hair like Sheena Easton!"

-  
"Ranchan!" Ukyo said as she sidled close to her.

"There's sure a lot of that going on," observed Mendo to Ken, who got away from the argument between Liu and Ryu.

-  
Isamu was sitting in his bedroom with Nabiki. Most of the glue and feathers were washed off and he was dressed in a casual shirt and jeans.

"You're so _old_!" Nabiki laughed, shifting her weight on the waterbed. "Need help, grandad?" She said as he sat beside her.

"Oh, haha. Very funny," Isamu grinned. "I'm only nineteen. Are you saying Kasumi's old?"

"Actually..." Nabiki started, then laughed. "Seriously though," Nabiki said, pulling something out of her pocket. "I got this for you."

-  
Kuno strode purposely into the house, swivelling his head about. Where is the pigtailed girl? He was pushed aside by someone in white who strode more purposely than Kuno did. This infuriated Kuno. He dropped his bouquets and leveled his bokken at the man.

"You! How dare you push aside Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

Mendo turned slowly around. "Tatchi, long time no see," he said, a slight smile on his face. "How's the hair?" He added, unsheathing his sword.

"MENDO! FOUL 3RD GRADE NEMESIS! DIE!" Kuno said, charging.

-  
Mousse swooped into the house looking for Shampoo.

"Shampoooo!" He shouted.

"Why? How many bottles did you use already?" Snorted Ataru.

"Nice afro!" Shouted someone from the back of the room.

"Nobody told me this was a costume party!"

"DIE MENDO! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE DIE!"

"Cool! Check it out! What an afro!"

Just then, someone near the cd player put on the Sounds of the Seventies.

"THAT'S! NOT! FUNNY!" Mousse shouted.

-  
"Hey baby, why don't the three of us go get some tea?" Ataru said, inserting himself between Ranma chan and Ukyo. Ranma-chan shivered and booted him just as Ukyo slammed Ataru with her spatula. Lum flew up over the crowd and blasted Ataru, leaving the crispy boy on the floor.

"You're so perverted!" Lum admonished him angrily.

"Truly he is the most perverted man in the world," Mendo said as he whizzed by, still fighting Kuno.

"I guess none of these people know you, eh Ranma?" Akane said sarcastically.

-  
The okonimiyaki monster, now in the form of a cute, brown puppy, found Shampoo and flung itself at her.

Shampoo was surprised to find a cute little puppy on her lap. The chocolate brown tail wagged at her cutely.

Ukyo walked by, talking to somebody.

"Shampoo," Ukyo greeted. "What a cute puppy! This is Ryuunusuke by the way."

Shampoo looked at Ryuunusuke, trying to decide what Ryuunusuke was. Guy? Girl? Finally, she just decided to greet Ryuunusuke with "Nihao."

-  
Nabiki and Isamu waded through the crowd, trying to find a familiar face. Nabiki pulled Isamu to where she saw Shampoo, Ukyo and a few other girls doing a typical girl thing: Boy watching.

"Hey!" Ukyo greeted. "Happy Birthday, pal!" She hugged Isamu in a friendly way.

Isamu sat down with the crowd of girls, each one greeting him perfunctorily.

Shampoo walked up to him and plunked the puppy into his hands. "Happy Birthday!"

"Urrr, thanks," he said uncertainly. The puppy was disconcertingly familiar, and it smelled like it's been hanging around Ukyo's place. "Did anybody else notice that this dog smells like okonomiyaki?"

There was a general murmur of agreement.

The monster was finding it harder and harder to think in coherent thoughts. All that was left now was loyalty.

"If he smells like okonomiyaki so much name him Okonomiyaki," Benten suggested.

"Too long," Ran shook her head. "How about Oko?"

Isamu thought about it. "Oko sounds great."

"You're about to watch something that very few guys get to see," Nabiki said, sitting beside him on the rather crowded sofa. For the next half hour, Isamu heard what girls actually said in those little huddles they go into during really big parties.

"Look at that guy's _chest_! Baby!"

"Forget him! Look over there, by the tv!"

"The dude in the red shirt?"

"Who's that fighting with Mendo?"

"Isn't that Kuno?"

"Have you ever noticed how Kuno's gi shows more cleavage than what some of us wear?"

"No, no... one in tiger stripe overalls!"

"Hey! Rei's mine!"

"Oh. My. God. Did you see what he did? Did you see!?"

"How cute! He wink at me!"

"What? What?"

"I don't believe- what a loser!"

"What? What? What'd I miss?"

"Who's the afro in a dress?"

"Look, he's winking at us!"

"I missed it! What'd he do?"

"Do you think he knows?"

Finally, Isamu could not take it no more and excused himself from them. Boy, and he thought some of his friends were bad. He looked as a Madrox got the Karaoke system rigged up.

"MoOn! RiIvveER!" He crooned. The crowd was trying to boo him off, but to no avail. People started throwing stuff at him but that only resulted in more Madroxes.

"MoOn! RiIvveER!" They sang discordantly.

-  
"Shampoo!" Mousse shouted, hugging Ataru.

"Fool! I don't have any!" Ataru shouted, slamming Mousse with a mallet.

"You're not Shampoo!" Mousse shouted as he put on his glasses. He pulled out two morningstars from his sleeves and charged.

"HELP!" Ataru shouted, fleeing. Lum saw the situation and zapped Mousse.

"What would you do without m-" Lum began, but saw that Ataru was already trying to flirt with another girl. Lum began chasing him, firing lightning from her fingers.

"Lum! Stop it! STOOOP!" Ataru shouted as he scrambled out of Lum's shock ray's way.

"If you didn't go girl-hunting, I wouldn't go hunting for you!" She shouted back, firing one off high. Ataru ducked and the bolt travelled across the room and hit the original singing Madrox dead on. The crowd applauded as he crumpled away from the mike and the duplicates disappeared.

"Ugh! Thank you!" Ran called, rubbing her ears.

-  
The Brain's martial arts robot charged closer and closer...

-  
Mendo swung his katana at lightning speed. Kuno ducked and sliced at Mendo's vulnerable chest. Mendo jumped up and over him, arcing high overhead. Kuno slammed into Lum's chest, sending them both crashing to the floor.

"Ahh," Kuno sighed contentedly. "Even while I fight, they swoon at the great Kuno!"

"You!" Ryoga shouted, whipping out his umbrella. Ryoga was lost as usual, arriving only moments ago. What are you doing in China?" He asked a confused Mendo.

-  
Isamu looked around, everywhere he looked there were people arguing. This is not a good thing.

-  
"Did. Not."

"Did. Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"For the last time," Liu Kang growled, his hands glowing with ki. "I did not copy you on the headband thing."

"So that's the way you want it, eh?" Ryu said grimly, gathering energy in his hands.

-  
Lum's stormtroopers charged at Kuno, mallets in hand. The crowd parted for them.

"UNHAND MISTRESS LUM!"

They swung their mallets down just as Lum pumped Kuno full of juice. Kuno's flailing limbs tore the mallets from their hands and sent the objects flying. One of the mallets hit Ryu in the back, accidentally making him unleash his fireball. The wild fireball spun out and hit Rei in the foot. He looked down impassively at his foot.

"LUM-CHAANN!" He cried as he transformed into his gigantic tiger-cow form.

Another mallet swung towards Shampoo, who was holding a plate of food. She flipped to avoid it but spilled her food on Benten.

"Fool! Why don't you be more careful!" She shouted.

"No one calls my ShamURGHK!" Mousse shouted as he got elbowed into unconciousness, weapons scattering onto the floor.

"Only person who knock out Mousse is Shampoo," she growled, producing her bonbori.

"Come and get some of this," Benten said, swing her chain.

-  
A full pledged riot broke out. Isamu ducked as various projectiles ranging from fireballs to one of the stormtroopers filled the air.

"KatsuUrghk!"

"Ha doOOF!"

"Gobblegobblegobble!"

"Gobble this!"

"No! Not there! NOT THERE! EEEEEK! ouch."

"Baku sai-!"

"Ai yah!"

"Hey! You're a girl!"

"I AM A WOMAN!"

"Foul sword wielding, pompadour wearing, seventies dressing fiend!"

"Perverted wooden blade wielding, messy haired, dress wearing bastard!"

"Hey baby you wannaARRGHH!"

"I'm a guy!"

"Not right now you're not!"

"Shut up, Akane!"

"What!?"

"Ranma! Wo ai ni!"

"We're not done yet!"

"Ranchan!"

"Hey, Oyuki! What say you and me go and-"

"MOOO-ROOO-BOOO-SHIIIIIIIIII!"

Isamu was almost at the front door when he got picked up and thrown by Shampoo.

"Take that, stupid chain girl!"

"Is that all you can do?" Benten asked as she batted Isamu away with her chain.

Isamu landed hard, dazed and confused. He was about to get up when he was stomped on by a large tiger striped creature.

"LUM CHAAANNN!" Rei shouted, trying to find Lum. There seemed to be a lump on the floor, he thought. He looked down to see Isamu feebly trying to free himself. Rei shrugged and moved on.

Ranma chan had the Stormtroopers in one form of lock or the other on the floor.

"Why are we fighting again?"

"YOU HIT MISTRESS LUM!" They shouted simultaneously.

"It was an accident! I don't even know this Lum chick!" Ranma chan retorted.

"HELP!" Lum shouted as Rei closed in.

"LUM-CHAN!"

"Rei darling!" Ran said, stepping in front of him.

"Forget Rei!" Ataru shouted, grabbing Ran from the back.

"Get away from me, Moroboshi!" She shouted, tossing Ataru away. Ataru landed on Rei's head, knocking them both for a loop.

Ukyo swung her spatula at Ryunusuke with the intent of turning the other girl flat as an okonomiyaki. Unfortunately, Isamu was crawling near them and he got hit instead. He sailed high above the ruckus. An errant projectile caught him, totally ruining his trajectory. He landed in an area where a group of people had ganged up on another group of people and subsequently got trampled. Ryoga tried to stomp on Ranma-chan's head, but she quickly bolted and he hit Megane instead. Immediately he was grabbed by the remaining stormtroopers. Ryoga freed himself easily and was about to stalk Ranma again when his ankle was grabbed. Ryoga instinctively kicked backwards, sending Isamu sprawling. Isamu finally reached the door and crawled outside. Nabiki sat there staring through one of the newly made windows in his wall. Upon closer examination he realized that she had a camera in hand and was taking pictures.

Isamu tried to stand, most of his joints popping loudly. "You had a camera?"

"Never leave home without it," she smiled.

Isamu winced as a loud crash and an electric explosion ripped through the house. Nabiki took a quick peek through the wall.

"No more tv," she informed him.

"Damn."

A loud crash and a high pitched note pierced the night.

"Bye bye, sound system."

"Damn damn." Isamu sighed heavily and led Nabiki to the soft chairs situated a bit farther from the house. They watched the general melee as it was outlined by the lights from the house. The lights blew out as the house's electrical system finally gave up. They heard a general murmur of blind violence, but above all else they heard a high pitched whine.

"I'M SCARED! I'M FRIGHTENED! I'M SCARED OF THE DARK!"

"Fun birthday party, no?" She asked him.

"Oh yeah," he said laughing. "Best I've had in years. Almost as much fun as the one I had to spend in the hospital."

They sat close together, not saying anything for the moment. Finally Isamu broke the silence.

"You know," he mused. "If this whole week was a story, this would be a really lousy ending."

"If this whole week was a story, no one would read it," she replied. "It's too... too unfocused."

Isamu thought for a moment. "I guess you're right," he admitted. "Silly thought. Besides, no one'll believe this stuff about magic springs and junk."

"Maybe on tv," Nabiki said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"Or in comic books."

The house was quieting down, just the occasional yelp of pain as the truly determined continued to fight. A figure darted past Nabiki and Isamu, startling both of them. Gleaming of metal, it knocked down the door and charged in. From inside, a deep voice was heard.

"I have come to defeat you all, so I can take over... THE WORLD!"

Nabiki and Isamu cocked their ears to hear the response. At first, there was silence. Then, they heard a noise, as if of many varied, pain inducing weapons were drawn. The house, once dark, was awash with the battle aura of many warriors. Then, the voice was heard again, sounding much meeker.

"One at a time? Please?"

"GET HIM!"

The sounds of terrible violence once again filled the air. There was a pause, as if of the calm before the storm, or more accurately, it sounded as if someone's drink was spilled.

"MY NEW KIMONO! OK, THAT'S IT! NOW I'M PISSED OFF!"

"OYUKI! NO!"

"Did Oyuki say that? She_never_says that."

"LUM-CHAN!"

A sudden chill froze the air around them then, an explosion rocked the house, heard for miles beyond.

-  
Isamu stared at the pile of rubble that used to be his house. Immediately after it's destruction, everybody slinked off, not wanting to take the blame. Nabiki stood beside her boyfriend, shoving a piece of rubble around with her toe.

A taxi pulled up. It disgorged a pair of white people, probably American, Nabiki guessed.

"Do any of you speak English?" The woman asked.

"I do," Isamu answered, sitting in the rubble.

"Thank god," she said. She motioned her partner who, strangely enough was wearing gloves, to come closer.

"What happened here?" Mulder asked, surveying the scene. "Does it involve shape changing beings?" He watched as a strange-smelling dog sniffed his leg and peed on it.

Isamu looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. "Nah, shape changing beings? Haven't heard of any of them here. You just missed one hell of a party."

========================================== ==This is not THE END. This is not even== ==THE BEGINNING of THE END. But,========== ==perhaps, this is THE END...============= ==of THE BEGINNING======================== ==========================================

Author's Endnotes

I was trying to beat my old record of writing one part in three months, that's why it took this part so long to get out. No, just kidding. Actually, it was just a major case of the Slums (not to be confused with the squirts)=(

I started writing this out of a major case of boredom. But finding out I can actually put something remotely resembling a story was a bit of a surprise to me. I do have other projects in the works, although all of them are still in the CONCEPT stage. Still, it was nice while it lasted =)

Send all flames &amp; comments to: st2a0 .edu

-  
Editor's snide comments:

In case those last lines are making you unsure,  
YES, THIS IS THE END!

However, if there's demand, Nigel'll do a few new ones with 'ol Isamu in it.

-  
COMING SOON FROM -M- Productions!  
Well, we seem to be in a crossover addiction lately.  
By _coincidence_, Nigel decided to work on a crossover of somewhat big proportions while I've got one cooking as well.

current ongoing projects:

*Gumbo High* -Nigel M.  
-Tobobiki lies in ruins and Nuku-Nuku just trashed her school in a massive fight. WHERE will all these students be transfered to? Well, Furinkan is still structurally sound...

*The Pursuit of Happiness* -Rod M.  
Sequel to "The More Things Change"  
-Tsubasa falls in love (again!), Ranma and Akane get kicked out!  
An ancient curse runs it's course! Ryoga _tries_ to resolve his relationship problems! Ukyo meets an old friend she had a crush on! Ryo perfects the Bakusai-ten-satsu! And Happy's got this itch...

*The Surreal World* -Nigel M.  
-Take seven people, picked at _random_, really, put them all under one roof, and film their lives. A Japan TV station rips off the MTV "Real World" concept, but ends up picking Ranma Saotome, Ataru Moroboshi, Kyosuke Kasuga, Mamoru Chiba, Nuku-Nuku Natsume, Washu,  
and Urd as housemates...


End file.
